Fishy Chronicles 30: Drama in Lonavala

After a couple of hours directly under a sunny sun, I got up from my bench in the garden of Chez Perreira. I had to. Many of its staff had given me meaningful looks. Besides, the numbers of small children bouncing hard plastic balls off me had increased.

I threw the last ball that hit me into a tree. Luckily it lodged in the tree's branches and I could hear the ball's little evil owner begin to wail. I stepped out jauntily into the small kaccha lane, feeling slightly happier and, more than ever, assured that my soul was furiously winging its way to hell.

I could hear a collective tut-tut from my parents in heaven. Sometimes I wished they had been like other parents - whose children were always in the right, even if they were wrong. 

"I would have hated you," Aunty Glory once told me. "I can tolerate you because your parents kicked you into shape."

I had sat glumly in the Gonsalves flat, recounting some miserable event and hoping Aunty Glory would commiserate. She hadn't. She had given me a stiff lecture about the futility of feeling sorry for oneself, ordered me to straighten myself out and hurl myself unforgivingly at the world. Whatever that meant. I had been too browbeaten to ask for a clarification and I put it all down to quintessential, I-don't-care-about-your-feelings Gloryspeak.

The narrator, on holiday with Cousin Roma and her extended family, has had a nightmarish start to her holiday. She previously got into a fight with a guest of the family, Arief, disappeared without apologising and has now been found and been brought back, unwillingly, to the hotel. 

More drama ensues, with the narrator neck deep in shit. How will the day end?

I shook myself. I was in lovely Lonavala, which was still in the throes of a tepid winter. This cannot be equated with any other winter in any other place. I wished I had run out with a sweater, so I rubbed my arms, stamped my feet a few times and started walking to the town centre. I felt fear when I heard footsteps, felt a shadow fall on me and strong cold fingers on my shoulder and part of my neck. I whirled around, terror clutching my heart. Damn! I didn't think retribution would come so soon!

"Don't you get tired of running away!" Ashok said angrily, pink spots of colour showing in his fair cheeks. I tried to wriggle out of his grip. "And why can't you pick up your damned phone?!"

"I spoke to Roma!"

"I heard!"

"So?"

A swear word escaped him and my back stiffened. "So you've had all of us worried and running up and down these lanes. And your fish are a mess. They've been jumping out of the tank and now Genie's shut the tank's top with a brick. They're extremely agitated. I've never seen fish behave that way!"

"Bullshit... Nobby would have told them..." I couldn't believe Nobby hadn't immediately relayed his conversation with me. If he hadn't, the lack of information would be driving Fish insane and they usually threw themselves against the walls when they were disturbed. That was one thing that stressed Genie. He was never able to predict their behaviour or get them to behave. Heck, they never listened to me! And it explained why Genie still hadn't come by looking for me.

"Who's Nobby?" Ashok looked at me, his face screwed up, lower lip jutting like a boxer - the dog, not the fellow with the gloves.

"Er, er... a friend." I tried pulling my arm from Ashok's grip, but it tightened.

"Boyfriend?"

"Hahaha. In a manner. He's got a healthy regard for me." How else could I describe a mosquito who was a mad hatter and loved rum and me in equal measure.

I pushed against Ashok, but he wouldn't relent. He pulled me along and I dragged my feet. The pain in my flesh was intense. I finally yowled and tried to prise away his fingers one by one. "If this is how you manhandled Eva, no wonder she's trying to run away from you!" I shouted.

A look of shock appeared on Ashok's face. He let me go immediately and I ran to Pretty Villa! I turned to look and saw Ashok standing where I left him. I stopped in my tracks. Me and my stupid mouth. I looked in the lobby and then I walked back slowly.

"Eva told you I hit her?" Ashok said, distressed.

"No, of course not!"

"But you said..."

"I didn't mean it. You were cutting off my blood circulation." I pushed back my sleeve to show him my bruises and gaped at my slightly pink flesh. There was no sign of trauma. "Er... my arm was hurting and you wouldn't let go," I said lamely. Ashok's mouth grew tight, his eyes narrowed and nostrils flared.

Shit. How did I land in it so often. I went up to him and grabbed his hand and urged him to run with me to the hotel. It was like trying to move a mountain. I tugged and pulled. Finally, I said, "I'm sorry, Ashok. I shouldn't have said that."

"Damn right, you shouldn't have! I treated her like a princess. And if anyone should come to her senses, it should be Eva!" Ashok snarled.

I stepped back to avoid the spit that escaped his lips. I moved towards him again. "I agree!" I grabbed his arm again in a futile effort to budge him.

"Bullshit! You're just playing me. You cousins are all the same."

"What do you mean?" 

"Bloody cock teases. Drama queens. And you women can't stay married!"

My blood ran cold. "Are you referring to me?" I was the only divorcée I knew among my first cousins, though cracks were showing in other marriages.

Ashok strode towards the hotel. I felt rage well up in me, I ran in front of him and tried to shove him backwards as hard as I could. "Oh no you don't, you smug creature. You don't just toss a bomb in the air and then run!"

Ashok looked flustered and stepped around me, he walked fast to the hotel lobby and I ran after him. I grabbed his shirt, hanging onto his collar and his shirt tore open at the buttons and I lost balance and fell. The rest of the group seemed plastered to their seats in the open lobby area, spellbound by the drama unfolding in front of them. I could see people get up and run toward us, but I had jumped on Ashok and was holding onto the squirming man as tight as I could.

"What are you doing?!" I heard Eva scream. I felt hands tear me away and Genie in my face, shocked. I felt drained. I could hear the elders shouting and see them shuffle as quickly as they could in our direction. And then I caught sight of Fish. I gave Ashok a mighty push and ran to them.

Arief blocked my path. His face was an angry red and he was opening his mouth to say something - mostly to shout. I slowed in front of him and put my hand on his mouth. "I'm sorry, Arief. Things got out of hand and I'm a great big idiot. I'm very sorry for hitting you with the table tennis ball and being rude. I hope you'll forgive me." I pushed past him, feeling my tears fall briskly.

I tossed the brick away and opened the tank. Fish were in different corners. I stroked their fins and whispered. I felt worse now because they looked battered, disturbed and dishevelled. I looked around and saw the mixed reactions of everyone. 

"I'll be right back, Fish." I closed the tank's lid and put the brick back on it. I ran to my room and grabbed my purse. I stared at the floor. Someone had kicked my nicely folded clothes to a corner. The act of violence had been unnecessary, but telling. I hesitated but then began to shove my things into my haversack.

"Stop it!" Roma was in the room holding my hands still with effort. "You're not going away!"

"Nope. Don't want to be treated like shit anymore. If someone feels like kicking my clothes about, I don't want to share a room with them."

"Eva didn't mean it!"

"You really mean Nidhi."

"If you leave, it'll be a sign of weakness - that you're running away. Daddy will have something truly awful to say."

"It's okay, Sweetie. Let anyone say whatever they want. I just want a little peace. I'm going to walk away and salvage some good sense, hang onto any equilibrium I can find."

Roma grabbed me, hugging me. "What happened to you?!"

I pushed her off. I wanted to tear Nidhi's clothes and stuff her cosmetics in the WC. But I had a sudden vision of brightly painted red lips flapping through a snore. For sure Karma is biding its time for you, Nidhi.

I galloped down the stairs and then slowed. I saw the group chattering to themselves, Arief was talking to Ashok and Ashok's arm was around Eva's shoulders and hers around his waist. He had changed into a t-shirt.

Genie's eyes were on me, taking in my bag and my wet face. He closed the tank lid, unlocked the wheel lock and started pushing the tank to the hotel's exit.

"Where are you taking the fish?" Uncle demanded.

I could feel Genie's reassuring smile even though his back was to me. "For a walk, Uncle."

"And where do you think you're going?" Uncle trained his eyes on me, coldly.

"For a walk, with Genie," I tried to say as calmly as I could.

"With your luggage?"

"Yes."

"Why don't you just go home! Run away. Not face up to anything!"

There was pin drop silence.

I struggled with every emotion in my being - but mostly impotent rage. Finally, not wanting to stay silent and mostly not wanting my silence to invite more disrespect from this pus-filled crowd, I stood in front of Uncle and said evenly and so that everyone could hear, "Sometimes, Uncle, it's okay to divorce someone who'll never be good to you. Sometimes it's okay for you to take your bag and run away from someone who can't be kind to you. Sometimes, it's okay to piss off someone, set a foot wrong and stand on your head and be silly. I'm going to make those mistakes, over and over and over and over. Whatever it is, I'll take it like a man. I'll see you at dinner. Maybe you'll want to wager something for my appearance."

Uncle continued to give me a filthy look. Roma's in laws looked happy. I charged towards her sisters in law and they, and their husbands, jumped back in fright, wiping off their smug smiles. Georgy looked mad. I instantly felt sorry for Roma.

I walked to the huge glass doors and felt a soft ball bounce against my back. I whirled around, feeling totally frustrated and ready to do violence. Roma's son Aarav, the precocious pre-teen who hated body contact, picked up his ball, slipped his hand in mine and said, "Let's go, Aunty. I want to see your new hotel." From the corner of my eye I saw his baby brother toss his table tennis bat into a potted plant and run toward us.

"Wait for me, Baby," my cousin Roma said, walking quickly. It unleashed angry cries from the pus pots. Georgy looked more pissed, but Roma was oblivious. She grabbed my bag, swung it on her shoulder and the crook of her arm squeezed my neck.

We moved forward and I heard another set of footsteps, albeit slower and heavier. Arief's eyes met mine. He pulled my bag off Roma's shoulder. Outside I felt the sunshine on my head and shoulders and it was less cold now, with a pleasant fragrance of cut grass in the air. I caught sight of Genie waiting for me at the gate, the lid of the tank open and my darlings lined near the top of the tank, watching. The children ran to the tank and Fish slid back in and out of reach.

Genie reached out and hugged me tightly. He murmured, "Are you okay?"

I nodded. When he still looked disbelieving I whispered, "Y-yes. I'd like to break a lot of arms and legs, but that thought is safely locked away in my subconscious." 

He loosened his hold. "Let's look to have fun these two days, okay?" 

I nodded. It had been a lousy day and a half, but there was still another day left to our holiday. Who knew what would be on the menu, but I was game for anything.

Fishy Chronicles 29: Bad Made Worse

I woke up with a start.

Eva was talking in her sleep. I could see light streaming in through the windows and Fish looking fed up. They were massed on the couch in the tank, with ear plugs and ear phones, either trying to block the sounds from the beds or drown them with music. 

My watch said 5.45am and I could see the sky lightening. I got up, took my towel and went for a bath.

"Wait!" Penaaz swam to the top of the tank. I went closer. "I just realised we could have slept in the bathtub and closed the bathroom door."

"That's not a bad idea. Though I think my body would be crooked forever."

Bath over I messaged Genie if he wanted to have morning tea with me. I wheeled the tank out of the hotel room door and Fish let out a torrent when they saw Genie. 

"You won't believe the hell we've been through..."

"An evil, evil business..."

"It was like being tied to a hyena in constant pain..."

"They need to be put down..."

"... need their oesophaguses checked..."

Genie crouched on his haunches to listen to Fish. "Check their oesophaguses... why?"

Gregory pushed the others aside and filled his chest. "Hideous, guttural moaning all through the night! It was violent, unadulterated torture!"

Genie grinned. "Well, you'll have to get used to it. There's no way out."

Penaaz shoved Gregory aside, "Can't we move in with you, Genie?" she begged piteously. I was surprised at her. Eva and Nidhi must have traumatised them. I had been dog tired and slept immediately and deeply. I suspect that was why Fish were annoyed with me and sucking up to Genie now.

"You're stuck, I'm afraid. The guys snore too."

I tried to keep from smiling. But my amusement died soon. Only if I ran around Lonavala's perimeter, played table tennis like crazy and swam 50 laps might I pass out at night and stay comatose. Tonight seemed a grim business.

                                           ******

This is a fictional series about the narrator, her former manservant and now friend, and former pet fish. They have followed the narrator on a holiday with her relatives and have spent a miserable night with roommates from hell. Though she brushes off the previous night's irritations, the narrator is headed for more trouble.

                                           ******

At nearly 10am, and because Georgy, his mother and Ashok banged their door, the two women came down to the dining room for breakfast. Almost all the food was over and the hotel staff shrugged their shoulders. They did offer to get sandwiches for the two women.

But Uncle had other ideas. "They will eat what is available. Tomorrow they'll set an alarm and come on time for breakfast," he said coldly and shook out his newspaper. He was stretched out on a stately hardwood armchair, similar to the teak wood ones we had at our home in Kerala. 

So Eva and Nidhi ate cold soggy toast, relieved by the taste of butter and marmalade. Arief, Ashok and I played table tennis and when Eva was near me, I grabbed her arm and pushed a bat into her hand.

"Hey!" Nidhi said. I didn't understand the affinity Nidhi was showing her sister-in-law, my cousin, Eva.

"Give Nidhi a bat someone," I said. Nidhi hated sweat. I had never seen her run and right now, even on holiday, she tottered about ramrod straight on a pair of stilettos. I felt like whacking her, but it was not lost on me how much interest the men were taking in her. Ashok, pushed his bat into his sister's hand and muscled her into place at the table with Arief.

Arief looked at Nidhi's feet, "Are you sure you'll be able to run in those?" he smiled, all sexy and gooey. She opened her mouth defensively, but with the warmth of Arief's gaze she soon slipped off her sandals daintily, making a great show of it. I could see my no-nonsense uncle and the other conservative Syrian Christian elders watching it all. 

I hit the ball to their side of the table and it bounced and shot past Nidhi's ear, making her drop her bat in fright. Even though I nonchalantly fiddled with my table tennis bat - like tennis professionals did while concentrating but secretly plotting the routing of their rivals - I could feel my uncle glaring at me. I wondered why Nidhi's parents hadn’t stopped with Ashok and whether they knew about family planning then, but...

"Ouch! Asshole!” I glared at Arief. He’d served and the ball had smacked and bounced off my collarbone. I dropped my bat and grabbed the stinging portion of flesh and bone, feeling an absolute fool. The goat was looking at and fiddling with his bat. People laughed. I glared at those assembled. Genie grinned and Fish watched with interest.

Some people moved closer to the table and when Arief looked away I served. It hit him under his chin. He glared at me while rubbing his chin. I could see Ashok and Genie move nearer to me, on either side. Now I felt some panic. 

“That was unnecessary,” said Mr Hot Uncool Guy from across the table. 

“Yes. My aim was really off.” I moved to my left, shouldering a bewildered Georgy into my place, to avoid having to deal with Arief's next volley. Nidhi looked at me witheringly. In response, I said, “You think you’ll be able to run without your stilettos, Nids?”

“My name is NID-H-E-E.”

“We’ll make sure we win the game,” Arief butted in.

“At this pace I won’t make it to the Wimbledon finals,” I said.

“Unlikely you’ll even get a wild card or be allowed to step on the grounds. You're too much of a kook to be taken seriously.”

I could only suck in my breath in shock at his rudeness. I felt worse at the burst of laughter around me and felt the burn of humiliation. My eyes filled.

“That’s enough, you two!” Ashok said, bewildered and upset. I could feel Genie's arm around my shoulder and angry cries from the tank. I couldn’t bear to look at anyone. I put my bat down and walked slowly out of the hotel. 

I could hear Roma's raised voice. But I didn’t care, I sprinted out into the road as soon as I was out of sight of the door. What a huge mistake I'd made coming here. With people I didn’t care for, always making up someone's numbers and being an idiot and overdoing the pettiness. I felt foolish and ashamed of myself. 

“Quit the pity party,” I heard Aunty Glory say. “You asked for it,” was probably what my dad would have said. “He could have done it better,” my mom would have said. Or, in this instance, “You deserved it.”

I heard him before I saw him. Nobby, my mosquito friend, sat at eye level on a leaf of a bush. I was sitting on a bench in the garden of another hotel. It would take the hotel's staff a while to discover me and longer to figure out I wasn't a guest.  

“Are you okay?” Nobby asked. He didn’t attempt to sit on me or hover.

“Yes.”

“Your nose is red.”

“Okay.”

“Why were you so rude to Arief and Nidhi?”

I opened my mouth to defend myself but I couldn’t. I’d just been rotten to both for no reason. I shook my head and hunched. I couldn’t look at him.

“You know, Fish shouted at me to bite Arief. When I didn’t they threw water out of the tank. But worse, everyone’s upset and your rudeness has spoiled the holiday atmosphere.”

I nodded, tears spilling. I’d been an idiot, with my antagonism for Nidhi getting the better of me. I felt inferior sometimes, the way she looked down on me and never had a nice thing to say to me. Still, spitefulness had not been the solution. 

My phone rang. It was Roma. After several rings I picked up. She gave me an earful and ordered me to return to Pretty Villa. 

“N-No, Roma. Not just now. I’m going to the market. I’ll be back later.” I cut the line before she could reply and didn’t pick up her call again. I was a fool through and through. I didn’t have any money in my pockets, but I was damned if I was going to go back to the hotel now.

                                             ******

Fishy Chronicles 27: Mutiny At Pretty Villa

"There's a problem?" Roma was at my door. Genie, Fish and I had arrived in the morning at Pretty Villa in Lonavala, just outside Mumbai, for our three-day holiday with family.

"Oh?" 

"Where are we going to put Genie?"

"With me," I unpacked Fish's things and put their comics and eats within sight. I eyed Genie's holdall on his bed. He had disappeared soon after we came to our room. 

"Are you nuts?" Roma said, throwing herself onto one of the beds, holding her head with both hands and staring at the ceiling.

"Sometimes. What's the problem? Genie and I have lived in the same flat for years, even after Papa and Mummy died." I had wondered when someone would bring it up, especially considering the conundrum that our cousin Eva, her estranged husband Ashok and her new boyfriend Arief represented. "Is Arief really her boyfriend?"

"Don't change the subject!"

"Couldn't she have gotten better?" Roma's eyes moved from the ceiling fan and glared at me. But I couldn't help it, "What's wrong with Ashok? He's way smarter than Arief!"

"Yes, but we have a problem on our hands."

"Really?"

"Both sets of parents are upset Eva is sharing a room with Arief and when Mummy spoke to Eva she said if you and Genie could share a room so could she with Arief."

"Hahahahaha!"

"Dammit! It's not funny!"

"Of course it is! Genie and I have been living together for years - whatever twist anyone wants to put on it! All the aunties and uncles had issues with it even when my parents were alive. Genie even left a couple of times and returned - I do not know why. I've never been able to make out the excuses. My parents thought of him as a son. He thinks of me as a sister. What is there to argue." 

Roma's mouth opened, she looked at me coldly and then shook her head vigorously. "No one for a moment thinks there's anything innocent between you!"

I felt shock, though I'd never been in doubt of what my relatives, or the rest of the world, thought. "Well, there's nothing I can do to change the way they think."

"Of course you can! You can ask Genie to leave!" Roma burst out. "Or-Or-Or he can live nearby and come over every day for work."

"People are going to talk anyway."

This is a fictional series about the narrator, her former manservant Genie and their fish. They arrive at Hotel Pretty Villa on a vacation with the narrator's family and get sucked into family politics and lingering resentments. The unpleasantness peaks, forcing a cousin to step in.

"This arrangement," Roma spread her hands and looked about the room, her eyes settling with distaste on Genie's holdall, "isn't going to work." 

"Tell Aunty to put Eva and Arief in different rooms!"

"Mummy did. The only option is Nidhi or you sharing a room with Eva. Nidhi refused." Nidhi was Ashok's sister and Roma's dad had tipped off Ashok that Eva was going to bring a boyfriend. 

"Tell Eva and Nidhi to fuck off."

"Please, babe. Adjust some!"

"There's nothing to adjust! Eva has no business sharing a room with Arief especially with Ashok around and even more so since they're still married!"

"You move in with Eva and we can move Genie to the servants dormitory."

I felt shock and anger begin to rise. "Did you call us here to insult us?"

"No! No, of course not!"

"I'll have a chat with Aunty."

"Baby, think logically..."

"Out!" 

"Babe..." Roma tried to hug me. 

"What I can't believe is you thinking I'm having a rip-roaring affair with Genie! You don't know him, but don't you know me?!"

"Umm..." Roma twisted her hands.

"I'm damned if I'm going to let you guys treat him like the help. He has never been and has never considered himself one!"

"But he..."

I walked out of the door. I kicked every door until I reached the one where i could hear an argument. I banged the door with my fist, wishing I was pounding the shit out of all my relatives. A red-faced, agitated Arief opened the door. "You!"

I pushed my way in. By now, everyone had followed me. My aunt and uncle were very angry with me. Nothing could make me stop. But I did. My cousin Eva was in tears. She rubbed her face with a disintegrating tissue but the tears continued to fall. 

I felt all my anger melt. I quickly went to her and held her. "What's wrong, Eva?"

She shook her head. I turned to Arief, "What the hell did you do to her!"

"Nothing," Arief shrugged. He looked embarrassed.

"Did he hit you, Eva?!" 

Eva shook her head. 

"So why are you crying!" 

There was silence. And more tears. I hugged her and said softly in her ear, "What is it, darling? We'll sort it out, just tell me. I won't tell the others."

"I want to go back," she whispered in my neck.

"Why?"

"I made a huge mistake coming."

"Are you still angry with Ashok?"

She started to cry more. I said to the crowd behind me, "I'll move into this room with Eva and Arief can move into my room."

There was a ripple of discord behind me. "What?" Kurian Aunty, Roma's mother in law, said. "You want Arief to share a room with your servant?"

"HE'S NOT A SERVANT!" 

"But you told us he's your butler and Man Friday," Roma's mom said, confused and nervous.

"He visited me for Christmas and is staying back to sort out stuff."

"Why didn't you just say so!" Georgy, Roma's husband said.

"Did you think anyone would believe me?"

There was silence. 

"Does anyone believe me now?" I asked the group in front of me. They looked confused and angry, while the Kurian women looked happy at the implied salaciousness.

I heard a throat clear. Genie said, "I'll get a room down the road." There was disbelief and the group turned to stare at him. 

"Good. I'll come too," I said.

There was uproar, with everyone talking at once. 

"Quiet!" Uncle shouted at the group. He turned to me, "You will do no such thing!"

"Er, I'm going back, Uncle," Arief said.

"Sensible decision," Kurian Uncle, Georgy's father, said. 

Ashok muscled his way in. "Stop it, Uncle. Arief, you're staying right here. Genie, you're not going down the road either. You're a part of the family and whatever anyone has to say," he glared at his assorted family, "they can keep it to themselves! There will be no more rudeness on this trip - we're all friends and family."

We stared at him, nonplussed. Finally Roma's mother broke the silence. "So where does everyone sleep tonight?" 

"Right, Aunty. Arief, Genie and I will take this room. The three ladies will sleep in the other room."

"I will not!" Nidhi said hotly.

"You have a better idea?" Ashok asked, his body very still. I wondered suddenly if he was prone to violence. I felt a frisson of discomfort.

"But that will mean we'll have to give up one room."

"Yes. I've suddenly made your holiday cheaper," he told his sister unnecessarily.

"I don't want to..."

"You will."

Nidhi closed her mouth and walked off. "Right," Ashok smiled at the group. "All's settled. Back to your rooms everyone. Genie, let's get our gear."

They moved out, leaving the elders staring at us blankly. Then Roma's father walked out, her mom followed and then her parents in law and sisters in law and their spouses. 

Roma and I sat on the bed, with our arms around Eva in between us. She was still crying.

"What, baby?" Roma asked Eva. She didn't answer. We stayed until the guys returned with their luggage. Ashok looked Eva over. His eyes never left her face.

We left Eva in our room and Roma and I walked quickly to the front lawn and sat on the large swing. 

"I'm not comfortable with us being in full view of everyone," I said. I wanted to hide in a deep hole and hold myself tightly. 

"Ashok is a moron," Roma muttered.

"What?" 

"Of all the times to be cost conscious!"

"What are you saying, Roma?"

She turned angrily to me. I shrank back. "Did you notice the way Ashok looked at Eva? He still loves her!"

I had noticed too. He hadn't cared she was with another man. "So?"

"So? So! Soooo!!!! He could have sorted things out by just moving into the room with Eva. Staked his claim! Kicked every other man's butt! Tossed Arief out on his ear! Bloody hell! Instead he's saving money for Daddy!! ARRRRGHHHHHHH!" she screamed.

She grabbed my lapel and shook me, "For once in his life, he could have been a he-fucking-man and said he was going to share the room with Eva!"

"O-O-One problem with that!" I stammered, trying to free the front of my shirt from Roma's grasp.

"WHAT!" Roma spat into my eye.

"Eva might not have wanted it."

"Bah! Not a chance! Just bloody ego, both of them!"

I agreed. The moment Eva had told me she had made a mistake, I knew what she meant. Ashok was a kind man. For both of them, I hoped things would work out. I hated the fact that there was such a big audience. The Kurian women hated Eva, but everyone in my family liked Ashok.

Roma grabbed the flesh of my thigh and squeezed hard. I yelped in pain. She shushed me angrily and gestured with her chin at the large bush near us. 

I could see Ashok smoking alone on the ground floor, near the entrance leading to the garden, his eyes caught by something upstairs. We looked in the direction he was looking - Eva was in the balcony staring at him.

The pain in my thigh became unbearable. I threw off Roma's hand and massaged my thigh. 

Genie and Arief came out of the hotel and spoke to Ashok. The three of them walked up to us. "We're going to have cutting chai from down the road. Want to join us?" Genie asked.

"Sure," Roma said, immediately on her feet. She put her thumb and index fingers into her mouth, let out a shrill whistle and shouted, "Eva, we're getting tea! Hurry up and come downstairs!" 

Eva started and immediately left the balcony. Roma smiled.

"Er, Georgy?" I asked Roma. 

"Oh, he's probably with Mummy. In very safe hands. Come on, Eva's here!" 

Roma looped her arms into Eva's and mine and dragged us towards the gate. The men followed.

Fishy Chronicles 26: Confusion In Lonavala

"Have you taken enough clothes? It's a three-day trip, you know," I could hear amusement in Genie's voice.

I had packed a bag and was trying to zip it shut. There were too many clothes in it. I sat on my bed, already tired. Genie sat on the bed and took my hand. "What's wrong?" he asked.

"I'm dreading this trip. Dreading Ashok, Eva, her boyfriend, most of all - the snarky comments."

"Everyone's attention will be on the boyfriend and the couple."

"Hmph."

"And Fish will have a lot to say."

"I don't think it's a good idea taking them."

"Too late to backtrack."

Fish had spent the evening ordering me to pack their toys, graphic novels and special eats. On each of our trips, I'd had to bring everything back untouched and unopened, yet they still insisted on everything going into a separate suitcase.

"Did you pack your swimsuit?" Genie nudged me.

"No."

"Why not?"

"It will give Roma's in laws a heart attack."

Genie immediately got up and opened my cupboard. He pulled out my swimsuit from my underwear drawer and I could feel a powerful blush hit my forehead and cheeks. I immediately rushed to him and plucked my swimsuit from his hands.

"No need to feel inhibited. I've seen you in a swimsuit," Genie said, "and on many occasions tidied your cupboard."

"Aiyyo! There are too many prudes in this world and they are all related to Georgy and Roma!"

"And to you! Go and pack your swimsuit. Let's just enjoy the trip."

                                     ******

This is a fictional series surrounding the narrator, her former manservant Genie and a tank full of opinionated fish.

They go on a trip with cousin Roma's family and several cousins - including Eva, Roma's and the narrator's first cousin, who is married to Ashok, Roma's husband's cousin. Eva and Ashok are estranged and have been invited on the Lonavala trip by elders in the hope they will reconcile. Only Eva, unaware Ashok will be there, is bringing along a boyfriend. 

                                     ******

The closer we got to Lonavala, the more tense I felt. Fish's bawdy banter about Ashok, Eva and the third wheel didn't help. I dreaded meeting Roma's in laws. 

With Genie zigzagging and overtaking other cars, I felt bile come up. I grabbed Genie's arm and shook it frantically. I covered my mouth and started slapping the window with my free hand. Genie lowered the car windows and I leaned out and threw up. Cars blared their horns at me. For an instant I wished I was vomiting on their windshields. I vomited again.

I could feel Genie's fingers on the back of my neck. We were now parked on the side of the road. He had made me get out of the car and sit on a rocky outcrop.

"What's this about? You're not normally carsick," Genie said, handing me a bottle of water.

"I'm not. Maybe I ate something bad last night." I swilled some water in my mouth and spat it out. 

"We ate the same food and I'm okay. What's really the problem?"

"I can't face the Kurians." The Kurians were Roma's in laws.

"They've never bothered you before."

"They have. I just handled it better."

Genie helped me into the car. He drove at a steady clip, but the three-hour drive felt like forever.

                                       ****** 

We saw Ashok at the entrance of Pretty Villa, a large red brick structure with tendrils of creepers and bougainvillae on its sides. He hung back to chat and shook hands with Genie. Surprisingly he had never had a problem with Genie being the help. 

"I see you can't do without your fish - spacesuits and all," Ashok grinned at the travel suits I had created for Fish. It helped them stay out of the tank for periods, with oxygenated water in their suits.

"Aquasuits. There was no one I could leave the fish with."

"Oh?" He looked meaningfully at Genie.

"Genie had to drive me here. He can't be in two places at one time."

"No. No. No. I imagine driving you here is more important... couldn't you have got a lift with Roma?"

"Car sick. Plus Fish. Too complicated..."

"I would have thought that would have sorted matters."

What a pest! "I like my comforts. And I wanted to make sure Fish weren't at the receiving end of someone else's inexperience."

Ashok's eyes moved over me, amused. He stepped back and let me go toward Reception. I remembered Fish in the car and turned and walked right into Ashok. He steadied me. " Are we okay?" he laughed.

"Yes."

"Reception is that-a-way," Ashok's finger pointed behind me.

"I know, but my loves are in the car," I pointed in front of me. Ashok started, but turned to look. I gingerly removed Fish from the back seat. Nobby was sitting in Genie's hair - I still hadn't been able to access Fish's mints, or brush my teeth - one of the reasons I was not keen to talk too much to Ashok. I did like him - he was easy to talk to. Until, of course, the business of Eva popped up.

"Need help?" Ashok came around and watched Fish.

They stayed motionless. Ashok was tricky business. Very sharp. I always caught him watching me talk to Fish. Roma's mother once told me to stop talking to them in public because it made people think I was nuts. 

"Did you ever know Mr Poonawala?" Ashok asked suddenly.

I dropped my bag. "W-What?" I bent to pick it up.

"Mr Nigel Poonawala - one of the owners of Pink Sun?" It was a big ad agency.

"Er, I've heard of him."

"Your ex worked for him."

I was silent. Ashok said, "I was surprised to know your ex was given the fish tank and fish."

"Why surprised?"

"He didn't strike me as an animal person." I could see Gregory squirm. "Those are Mr Poonawala's fish, aren't they?"

"Yes."

"How did you get them?"

"Long story," I pushed past Ashok with my luggage.

He kept pace and pulled my bag out of my grasp. "How?" he caught my arm and I stopped.

"I got them as my divorce settlement."

"You're joking!"

"No. My ex kept the parrot and nicely killed it. The bastard!" I hurried off as fast as I could. If he had been in front of me I would have kicked my ex in the crotch and run.

Roma caught me at the hotel's entrance. I groaned. I could see her in laws, parents and Nidhi, Ashok's sister, relaxing in the reception area and waiting for us. She had been my senior at school, and like her brother, was very talented. But she was usually cold to me - unreasonably so.

She looked at me but wouldn't smile. Suddenly, it seemed, an army of relatives was relaxing in Pretty Villa's lobby. I looked at Roma - her face was devoid of expression.

"You want to explain what's going on, Roma?" I whispered furiously. Nidhi was a new development.

"He turned up with his sister. Georgy has been arranging rooms for the last hour and he's pissed. It's too complicated - who's going to sleep where."

"Someone should have offered Uncle a condom while he was at work creating Nidhi!" I glared at Nidhi. 

"Oof! Shut up!"

"Never!"

"There are no rooms available now, so we'll have to sit around till check-in time at 12."

"What!" My hopes of hiding in a room were dashed. I looked at Genie moving into the motley group and touching Uncle's and Aunt's feet. They adored him. The rest looked at him indifferently. I could almost read their minds. They were wondering how the servant dared to sit in their midst. Today it was impossible for them not to take him seriously. He was wearing a pair of dark blue fitting jeans, a white t-shirt that clung to his muscled torso, and dark brown boots. Even his long hair was washed and shone and bounced every time he moved.

He settled on a sturdy corner table, arranging Fish next to him. He looked at me and patted the stool next to him. I could see looks of shock rippling across the others' faces. 

Ashok moved in front of me. "What's going on between you two?"

"What do you mean?"

"I heard he'd quit working for you."

"You heard right."

"And?"

"And?"

"And what's he doing with you now?"

"He's back in my employ. But with the option to hold a part-time job," I fibbed.

"Really?" Ashok was grinning.

"Oh, yes."

"That's an interesting arrangement."

"Yes indeedy. Excuse me," I tried to move around him.

Ashok blocked my path. "When did he return?"

"Around Christmas eve."

"And I hear you travelled with him to Cambodia soon after."

"Who would say such a dastardly thing!" 

Ashok laughed. "Everyone knows. Scandalous... to my uncle and aunt," he tilted his head slightly in Roma's parents in law's direction.

"They're easy to scandalise."

He grinned and was going to retort when his eyes widened and then his mouth closed tightly. A car had just come to a stop on the gravel outside and I turned to follow his gaze.

My dear cousin Eva had just got out of a car and was a picture of perfection in tight jeans, a fetching halter top, stilettos, and sporting a new hairstyle - a very attractive pixie cut. She was saying something and laughing to the man getting out of the driver's side of the car when she stopped mid sentence and gaped at us. Her eyes bulged and her mouth became crooked. It lasted two seconds and then she slammed the car door and came marching towards us. I moved back in fright and felt Ashok's hands tighten on my arms.

"Aiyyo! Let me go!" I said. I could see my idiot cousin losing her nerve mid stride. She stopped at the doorway of the hotel and stood hesitantly, looking at all our relatives massed at the side. Some had gasped, some stared in tension and some were looking on with interest.

I couldn't help it, I started to hiccough. I could feel Ashok stare at me. I looked up and saw disbelief. "Better this than vomiting, trust - hic - me!"

Ashok tried not to smile but did in a moment. He watched me hiccough. No one came to my aid and soon I tried to hold my breath. It was at moments like these that you realised how little one cared for you.

"Water?" Ashok asked.

"Hic. Yes, hic... please. Did... hic... you know..." I held my breath for about 15 seconds,  "that your dearest darling was coming?"

He grinned, "No."

"Bloody liar." I extricated myself and said, "enjoy."

Ashok was staring at his wife and her friend and suddenly he started moving toward them. Roma rushed to the doorway and so did Georgy and Genie. But they stopped, watching curiously the trio outside. Ashok was talking to and shaking hands with the man Eva had brought with her. The man was also smiling, but Eva looked terribly unhappy.

The other man pulled out their suitcases and Ashok and he walked toward the hotel, oblivious to Eva in their wake. I sniggered. Roma threw me a dirty look, "What?" she demanded.

"Poor Eva's got to get her luggage in herself. Her boyfriend's forgotten to do the gentlemanly thing. And, for a moment, I thought Ashok would, magar dekho kitna khunnas hai use*! Owww!!" My cousin had jabbed me in the ribs and I kept my hand pressed on the now tender spot. I held back the swear word with difficulty.

"It's not funny at all!" Roma snarled.

"If you don't find madamji getting a taste of her own medicine funny, then I don't know what will ever be funny for you!"

"Please, stop!" Georgy turned and begged. I was too stunned to go on. We followed the actors in our tableau to the sitting area and the two men found a place to sit. We sat near them.

"That's not Abhijeet Baruah," I whispered in Roma's ear.

"What?"

"He's not Abhijee..."

"I heard you! If not Abhijeet, who is he?"

I cleared my throat. No one turned. I coughed loudly and asked, "Aren't you going to introduce us to your friend, Ashok?"

"Ah, this is Arief Rather, we used to work together. He's in advertising - worked for Mr Poonawala. Eva's cousin here," Ashok pointed at me, "has Mr P's fish. She's even brought them here. See them in the tank there," Ashok pointed at Fish. I could see them tread water, very interested in what was going on. Last night I overheard Portas tell Dimitri that he hoped there'd be a catfight.

Arief got up and went to the fish tank. He was a handsome man - sharp features, high cheekbones and very fair with brown hair and brown eyes. I could see the women, including the elderly, preen, fidget and smile at him. Only he was annoying me to death. The idiot was tapping the fish tank's glass wall and Fish had moved away and were staring at him.

"Fork!" I heard Penaaz say.

Fish zoomed around the tank agitated. I rushed towards him and pulled Arief's hand away from the side of the tank.

"Hey!" he said, annoyed.

"Arief, please stop that."

"Why? I used to do it at Mr Poonawala's."

"Really? How many times did you visit Mr P?"

Arief thought. "Once, I think." He knocked the tank with a knuckle

I felt my blood pressure rise, no wonder Mr P didn't invite this guy back! "Can you stop that knocking? It stresses Fish."

"Really? They told you?" Arief's eyes raked me slowly from top to bottom.

"Yes. Every now and then they call me on our hotline and give me instructions."

"What crap!"

"Says someone who'll likely hold out a chicken leg to a crocodile to feed on."

He bent angrily towards me. Ashok's hand was immediately on Arief's chest, but Genie was already wedged between us - an imposing presence. But Arief wouldn't stop looking at me angrily. Ashok pulled him away.

"You foolish girl! Was that necessary?" Nidhi said, an agitated speck of her spit landing on my upper lip. Yuck. I backed away a centimetre.

"You don't have to spit at me, Nidhi. You could just say it nicely." I used my collar to wipe it off. First vomiting and now being spat on - there was no end to this bad day!

"You and your damned fish. So childish! The man was just looking at them."

"No, the nutcase was terrorising them! When you bang the glass walls, the sound magnifies and reverberates," I said, thinking quickly. "They are the smaller, more delicate of God's creatures," I added - my masala and its logic had to be ironcast. But was it? 

"Nyarr!" Nidhi bared her teeth at me and marched off.

"Was that necessary?" Roma asked when Georgy moved away to talk to his cousin.

"Not you too!"

"No, Darling. But for a minute I thought Arief was going to hit you." She put her arm around my neck and squeezed until I saw black and thought my legs would buckle. She smooched me hard on the cheek. "I'm so glad you're here, Babe. C'mon, let's check out the pool. Maybe we can toss in a crocodile while we're here."

"Shall we attempt a smoke later?"

"Yup. I found us a spot where no one can see. We'll go when everyone's asleep."

"Deal. Roma?"

"Yes, Baby?"

"Why is Nidhi here?"

"What?"

I felt irritated to my eyeballs. Roma was acting evasive! I grabbed her ear and twisted hard. "What are you doing torturing me with the likes of Arief and Nidhi?" 

"Ow, ouch, OUCHHHHHH!!!!"

"DID YOU TELL ASHOK?"

"NO!!!"

"WHO THEN?!"

"DADDY!" Roma pushed me off her and rubbed her ear. "Satisfied?"

"What the hell is Uncle playing at?!"

"I do not know. Georgy and I are fed up!" Roma grabbed my collar and pulled me toward a patch of trees.

"Let's get a smoke - too many idiots in one spot."

I turned to look at my pack. Genie and Fish had disappeared. Almost everyone had gone to their rooms. Only Ashok and Arief remained downstairs, chatting - with Eva sulking in a corner.

                                       ****** 
 * (translation) But see how much he hates her