Fishy Chronicles 15: Torment In The Sky

I felt a poke in my breast.

“Sorry, that wasn't intentional,” Genie said.

I looked involuntarily at the space between our seats on the Cessna and realised his elbow poke had been innocent. Besides, I didn’t think it was Genie’s style to fondle sleeping women with his elbows.

When I didn’t respond, Genie leaned closer and his moustache murmured, “Still angry with me?”

“Ah, no. How much longer?” I seemed to have woken up because our little plane had landed somewhere.

“Another hour. This is a scheduled halt.”

This is a fictional series surrounding Fish, who previously lived with the narrator and then left to spread their fins, Genie, her erstwhile manservant and now free soul and world traveller, and Donny, the North Pole elf spending the Christmas and New Year holidays with the narrator. 

The narrator is a single woman living in the distant suburbs of Mumbai.

I looked through the windows. “Are we moving East or West?” Seemed like East, judging by the number of East Asians on the airfield.

“Are we going to Malaysia? Singapore? Borneo?” I was hopeful about the last. Nothing about Genie was predictable. And so I crossed off Malaysia and Singapore off my list. Besides I’d trawled the two countries with my parents a few times. We’d done the tourist drills and then later when my aunt turned 70, we'd visited her again in Johore Baru. That time I could remember some of what I saw.

“Borneo, Brunei, Vietnam?” I tried again.

“Wait and see, my dear.”

Hong Kong and Macau? I grabbed his arm excitedly, “China?!”

He shook his head.

I stared at Genie's overwhelming moustache and hawk nose. I wanted to pull both in frustration. “Have you ever had a girlfriend, Genie?”

“Why do you ask?”

“I want to know if any of those women... or men... ever asked you to shave off your moustache.”

Genie chuckled. “Yes. Almost all of them did.”

“Men or women?”

Silence.

“Well, did you shave it off?”

“No.”

“And what happened?”

He shrugged and turned to hand popcorn and chocolates to Fish and Donny, who was now sitting on the edge of the tank with his feet in the water.

“Doesn’t Thadeus think it strange you wanted a fish tank in his plane?” I asked.

“Yes. But he’s met Fish before. It’d be easier to make them comfortable than ask them to fall in line. Thad often flies Carl about too.”

“Carl?”

“You know, Fish's rich benefactor.”

Fish were now at the top of their tank, listening to our conversation. “You lot told me his name was Garl!” I said, beginning to get angry.

“No,” Gregory said, “you chose to hear otherwise. And we let you continue to think so assuming you'd figure things out soon.” He shrugged and looked at me defiantly.

“That’s an utterly crap excuse. To let me think so for so long is... is...”

“Is what?” Genie grinned.

“I can’t think of a word! Only rude ones come to mind. It feels so mean. Like Zeba and Peaceful Society all over. I don’t need it, do you understand?!”

I felt a hand on my arm. I shook it off.

“What brought that on?” Genie murmured.

“You can’t figure it out? You thought it was fun that I’d think he was Garl instead of Carl for years? To speak to him and call him Garl... What must he think of me. So rude, Fish. Not done!”

There was silence on the plane. I was embarrassed. I had forgotten there were other flyers.

A while later, Thad called me into the cockpit. I couldn’t summon a smile. “Carl had a good laugh.” Thad's smile evaporated at my glare. “Er, but Fish always told him they were having fun with you. He didn’t take it badly.”

“How do you know him?”

“Genie put me on to him.”

“How come?”

Thad looked wary. “They do business. I fly him about. Genie puts a lot of business my way.”

“What does Carl do?”

“I just fly him, I don’t ask questions.”

Nicely fobbed off. Carl, as far as I knew, was extremely wealthy but I couldn’t understand his accent. Once he told me he was Scots.

“I’ve never heard of any Scotsmen named Garl,” I told him.

“Humeny Scotmun d’yue gnaw?”

“Gnaw?” I didn’t bite people. What the hell did he mean?

“Yea, humeny?”

“Humeny?”

“Humeny Scotmun y’no?”

“No?” This was bizarre.

“Nun?”

“Nun?” Maybe if I met you I could lipread you, Garl. But I was not ending this soon enough. “Er, Garl, give Fish my love. Catch you later.”

“Roit, lass. Oil be seen yue!”

“Roit.”

I watched the men on the airfield. Carl probably thought I was a royal twit. I felt like one. When I least expected it, Fish sent zingers my way. Idiots.

“What do Fish do with Garl?” I asked the innocent Thad. He now represented my fount of Fishinformation.

“Carl. They travel with him. He loves going about in style. Stays in the best hotels and moves around places I’ve never heard of.”

“Like?”

“Well, early this year Fish went to Finland. You know... in Scandinavia?”

I knew where Scandinavia was! It was in my school atlas, Genie sent me postcards from there and what the hell was there to see apart from overweight men in hotsprings showing indecent amounts of loose flesh, much snow and blond Vikings and their busty, sexy women. Oooh... and Stefan Edberg and Mats Wilander! I forgot them!

“Yes, Scandinavia, comprising Norway, Sweden and Finland... And any other countries I may have missed.” I tried to Google the region and realised I hadn’t subscribed to prepaid international roaming – the plus of being middle class.

“Well, they were holed up in a high-end resort, snowed in... Carl and his girlfriend... and Fish.” Thad smirked.

That must have been uncomfortable. Fish were voyeurs, but kinky human interactions made them go numb. No wonder they were in Mumbai, enjoying a sweaty winter.

Naw. That couldn’t be it. They knew Genie was going to be in Mumbai in December, they had turned up with their special pink paper and then there were the weird, anonymous Christmas gifts. I still thought they were from Fish, but now I had lots of doubts.

“Where are we headed to, Thad?” I said, hoping to catch him off guard.

“It’s a secret.”

“I could ask the other passengers.”

“Good idea!” Thad grinned. “You’ll need to buckle up. Time to take off again.”

In my mind I swore at Thad. He seemed like Genie's amiable twin. Handsome too! I flounced off and buckled up. Thad announced we were going to take off. But wait! No one else was getting in – the other seats were empty and the plane's door was shut. My co-passengers had all exited the plane.

I looked out... people were moving away from the aircraft. The plane started taking off and I felt tense, my hold on the armrests a vice.

Genie put his arms around me and held me tightly. I struggled to push him away – I now knew what Zeba wanted. It was too much skin, muscle, sweat and cologne – all a nauseating mix. But it got my mind off the wretched take off.

In an instant he let go and a comic was thrust at my nose.

                                       ******

Somewhere in the Far East. 
(Photo credit: A. Peter)

We helped Fish with their airsuits and they lined up at the window to watch the descent. I took photos of all my darlings, their backs turned to me.

“Fork, Fork, Fork, FORRRRK!!!” Penaaz screamed, jumping up and down in excitement.

“Is that one of the seven wonders of the world, Genie?!!” Gregory didn’t even turn. Fish were now pressing themselves against the window. Donny’s eyes gleamed. And he did the strangest thing. He leaped into Genie's arms, hugged him and then just as quickly jumped back to the window again.

I tried to undo my seat belt. I stilled when Genie ordered, “Not while we're descending. Stay put!” I shrank back and glared at him, but he was watching Fish and Donny and smiling at their excitement.

I saw a massive black stone structure and then it disappeared below the window and then smaller ones came into view and disappeared. I couldn’t figure it out... were we visiting a seventh wonder of the world? Pyramids... and then a blank. Childhood general knowledge escaped me. Were we in Machu Pichu?

“Genie, do you have international roaming?”
I could see Genie take a slow breath and the tic in his cheek return.

“Yes. You can use my phone once we land.”

“Is that one of the seven wonders of the world?” I gestured at the window, not knowing what I had glimpsed.

“I have not heard it described that way.”

“How have you heard it being described?”
We bumped all over the ground and the screeching and banging of the plane over the tarmac muffled his answer... if any. That was a lousy landing. Experienced pilot my ass!

I threw off my seat belt and lunged over Genie to look out the window but it was fast turning dark. The sky was a beautiful red, orange hue. There were no signboards near enough to read.

He had Fish and Donny in his arms, our haversack on his shoulder and turned at the door to look at me. I yelled a goodbye at Thad and hurried after Genie.

“Where are we?” I asked Genie’s back. There were lights now in the distance. We got into a jeep and drove ahead.

“How long do you plan to keep me in the dark, Genie?”

I heard a short bark of laughter. But my attention was drawn to the signs. Most of it in a language I couldn’t decipher. I grabbed Genie's phone. I had a trick too.

I stared at the screen and sighed. Finally!

“Satisfied?” Genie said, amusement in his voice.

“No!”

“Okay. Here we are!”

And we stopped at a palace and I tumbled out. Literally. I felt shabby. There were porcelain white Asian dolls in high heels and expensive slinky outfits, beautifully made up, walking into the hotel in pairs. There seemed to be a party in motion.

I looked down and at us. Genie was still smirking. He grabbed my arm and we marched in... through the enormous doorway. It seemed we weren’t going to be kitchen staff here.

He dropped the bag, Fish and Donny in my lap and went off to reception. Before I could react, a man dressed in satiny flared pants and a traditional coat offered me a hot towel, a welcome drink and wafted off. Apparently Fish in airsuits and North Pole elves were common sights here. I was wide awake now. Was it too late to explore? My watch read Indian time.

Genie gestured at me and we followed the doorman upstairs. I wanted to scream a 100 questions. We came to a room.

“What are we doing here, Genie? And if you’d told me we were going to stay in a palace I'd have dressed better!”

“Right.” He pulled me into the room and shucked my bag onto the table and checked the loo and balcony and tested the doors. “Goodnight. Don’t watch TV or stay up late. We’ve got an early day ahead of us. I’ll wake you up at 4.”

I grabbed his arm. “Don’t you think this skulduggery has gone on too long?”

He grinned. “Yes. I’m surprised you didn’t beat me. Though I was nervous for my well being on many occasions. But now you know.”

“Know what?”

“Where we’re going.”

“Where are we going?”

“We’re going to Angkor Wat in a couple of days. And tootling around Cambodia the rest of the week. For sure we'll spend the new year here. Game?”

“Game. But why hide it?”

“You thought East Asia was infra dig.”

“I did not,” I said weakly.

“I could have sworn you wanted to catch the fag end of winter in Europe.”

“Won’t it rage on for some months?”

“Yes. Now sleep tight. You'll see things tomorrow you never have. I’ll stand outside until you lock the door. Here's your local phone. I've added my number in it.”

I latched the door and then looked around.

What a room! And the bathroom had a massive jacuzzi in it. And for once there was no noise or complaints from Fish. I looked longingly at the tub but took a shower instead. I had just a few hours to sleep.
                                        ******

Fishy Chronicles 14: Take-off Terror

“So, where are we going, Genie?” I asked.

Silence.

“May I see your passport?”

“No.”

“Er, are you an Indian national?”

“Yes. I am.”

“Why so cloak-and-dagger? Surely I’m going to know once we're in the airport.”

Genie smiled, but his gaze didn’t stir from the cars passing him by in our taxi. I leaned closer to him to see what specifically had his attention. I smelt his cologne and his aftershave and got a jolt when I saw his eyes on me in the reflection of the glass.

“I think it’d do you good if you went out with Zeba,” I said, wanting to rile him.

“Absolutely. Plus she has a flat to herself. Imagine all the privacy we'd have.”

Damn! For once his response was faster than mine.

And he was still speaking, “But I vowed I’d see you hooked up with someone first.”

“Bullshit!” I said.

“Tut, tut, my dear. Stop closing yourself off to love. Let's make a pact. Let's try to find partners next year – our new year's resolutions.”

“Sure. I’ll wait till you find someone and then I’ll try.”

“Nope. You first. So I can rest easy.”

“Seems suspicious. I’ve always fallen in and out of love. It’s you I’m worried about.”

“Your worries are misplaced. The problem is those nincompoops you fall in love with. You deserve better.”

I was taken aback and silent. In hindsight all my loves, except for my father, were idiots. But it was uncomfortable to hear someone vocalise it.

“That hunk in advertising, perhaps.” Dimitri butted in. “You said he was trying to make eye contact.”

“Oh, no. He likes my colleague Ankita and was hoping I’d give him an intro.”

“How dare he!” Genie teased.

“Ankita asked me if you were available. How about it, Genie? It would mean dressing up decently for once, maybe effecting a mouche trim. In everything else, I’m sure you’ll impress her.”

Everyone looked at Genie. He looked ahead.

                                       ****** 

This is a fictional series of Fish, Genie, a former thug turned manservant turned free bird, Norbert, a rum-loving mosquito, and Donny, a North Pole elf who gets his new year's wish of spending the Christmas holidays with a family. None of them suspect each is going to goad the other into an adventure. 

Fish comprise Gregory, the intellectual, Portas, the fitness freak, Dimitri, the narrator's favourite fish and confidante and Penaaz and Pervez the only pair and thinkers who are ever fearful of losing their loved ones. 

In this episode Genie takes Fish and Company with him on a trip on his elderly Fokker. He refuses to let them know where he is taking them until...

                                       ******

We were hurried through the airport. There were no particular signs indicating our flight path.

We followed our customs man and I heaved a sigh of relief when I saw our luggage go through a scanner. I had no idea how to explain our menagerie or Fish looking like shrivelled up astronauts. But after several looks of interest, the baggage handlers and other officials lost interest in us.

We were hustled into an open vehicle and driven across the airfield and stopped outside a hangar.
We stared at the contraption in front of us.

It was hideous. No person in their right minds or aviation authority had any business letting that machine try to fly. There was black tape on some parts and the paint on the black orange Fokker was cracked. Worse, an almost naked, busty babe – arching her back, painfully it seemed – was painted on it.

A good looking grey-haired foreigner, the pilot, I assumed, going by his overalls, was now striding towards us.

The rickety Fokker looked like it had seen active duty in the First and Second World Wars. I turned to tell Genie I wasn't getting into his tin cup but he was halfway towards the other man. And I had to look away because Penaaz was wailing and Pervez was hustling her around. The rest of the Fish were staring at the small plane doubtfully.

Portas stepped in front of the two Ps. “Hold it. You're not going anywhere until we talk to Genie.”

Pervez pushed against Portas, but the latter was too strong.

I suddenly felt tense. I bent and picked up Penaaz and Pervez. “Listen, do you even think Genie would take us up in something unsafe?” Yes. But my frightened buddies didn’t need to hear it from me.

Penaaz opened her mouth, but no sound came out of it. She clung to my neck and Pervez clung to her. I felt the wet ooze out of their airsuits. The rest of the Fish turned away. Everyone was being loyal.

We watched Genie hug his friend and then turn around, point at us and gesture at the plane.

I felt the Ps tighten their hold on my neck. Soon I would die of suffocation. I tapped their fins. “Penaaz, you're cutting off my air supply.”

I dragged my feet and walked slowly towards the Fokker. “Is this machine certified by the Indian aviation authorities?”

Genie stilled, and his friend smiled. “Yes,” he said coolly.

“Which one?”

“The DGCA.”

“Er... what’s the full name?”

“Google it.”

“We are not entering that excuse of an airplane,” Gregory burst out. There were cries of outrage among Fish.

“It’s a death trap!” the two Ps screamed at Genie.

Only tiny Donny was walking towards the misshapen Fokker and shaking hands with the other pilot. Where were we going to sit? There were only two seats. Was this other man going to take us up? It would mean Fish, Donny, Nobby, Genie and I cramming into the second one. How was it even possible!

No wonder Genie wanted us to travel light!
“Hurry up,” Genie ordered.

We stood still in shock. Genie’s tone was tough. It was his better-do-what-I-say tone and we never messed with that Genie.

Donny quickly scrambled into the second seat with help from the pilot. Genie threw our backpack into the front seat and zipped himself into his overalls. His friend handed him two helmets.

This was bullshit. The crackpot had no business taking us up. But Fish walked up to Genie and he gently put some of them in the first seat and then the second.

“You're crazy, Genie!” Portas mumbled finally.

“We can’t do this, Genie. I feel a panic attack coming on,” I babbled, terrified – showing a brave face to the two Ps be damned! My heart raced. I hadn’t even made a will. But wait, I had no next of kin, except my parents’ greedy siblings. Oh, I just had to make my will!

I felt Genie's hand pushing me gently up the plane. “I haven’t made my will, Genie!”

“So what’s new.”

“I don’t want my cousins to get my flat.”

“What makes you think they want it?”

I stopped. I turned to protest and saw Genie grinning. He stepped back and raised his hands. “I agree. They shouldn’t get it. When we return you can sort out your matters. Now, in you go.”

I stared at Cockpit Two. I clambered up into it with my heart and limbs feeling like lead. Genie made me wear the helmet, strapped me into my seat and strapped Fish and Donny into a special side pouch.

“Nobby?”

“Got a small compartment in my seat for Fish and Nobby. They should be fine. Enjoy the trip. It's unlikely to be like anything you’ve tried before.”

No. I didn’t want us to take off! “You took Papa up in this?”

Genie straightened in surprise. “Yes. A couple of times. Never expected him to, but he liked it.”

I watched Genie get into his seat. He tried several times to get the engine running and I could feel every part of my being tensing.

Genie's friend spat at the propeller and swung it hard and the engine kicked into life. Genie ran the engine but it coughed and died in a few seconds.

Genie grunted and his friend sauntered over, spat again at the propeller and swung mightily.

Nothing.

Friend regurgitated again – the idiot had an unending repository of saliva and was training it on the poor Fokker. I heard choice swear words. It was gentle, cultured Pervez!

“GET THIS TIN PLATE OFF THE GROUND OR GET US OFF IT!!!!!”

“WHAT THE FORK!” Penaaz screamed at the top of her voice.

Donny looked tense and grabbed my hand. The repeated engine revving and it dying had strung us up to our crises points. I couldn’t do better in terms of invective and I was too frightened to open my mouth. Fish were saying it all. There were angry sounds in Genie's cockpit and I heard swearing at frequent intervals – there was a mutiny in progress.

Poor Fish. They were firmly strapped in with no escape. Worse, we had attracted a crowd. I wanted to die. Finally, the engine came alive and moved and we screamed in terror.

I grabbed the sides of the bucket seat and braced myself for death. I cursed myself for not writing my will and for being unwilling to pass into the nether world yet, even with good company.

The plane sped down the runway, lifted a little, fell heavily back to land, ran along the runway and slowed to a stop. I couldn’t stop screaming.

“Stop! It’s alright. The engine died!” The spitter pilot was at my side, leaning in and awkwardly holding my shoulder and shaking me. I closed my mouth, unable to believe we were going to live. I quickly unstrapped the two Ps and Donny and tried to get up.

“You have to remove the straps,” the man smiled gently.

My hands shook and I was stricken by fear and trembled. I felt hands undo the straps, pluck the precious cargo from my hands and then try to pull me out.

I saw Genie leaning against the plane – laughing!

Bastard! He got off on our fear! I raced towards him, furious. He grabbed my arms and held me off and laughed more. The airport staff gathered around us also laughed. I tried to launch myself at them, but Genie lifted me by the waist and turned me around.

He put his arm around me and held me tightly until finally I was exhausted from struggling, screaming and cursing. He pointed at a shiny blue and white Cessna. The spitter was smiling at us from near its door. “Realised in time that the Fokker is going to a private museum. Today.”

“What!”

“That’s our ride,” he pointed at the Cessna.

I screamed at him, until the Fish swearing at him blocked out the sound of my rage. Only, I could feel Genie heaving and laughing behind me. Fish threw themselves at Genie, ostensibly to do him bodily harm, but bounced off and lay on the ground, wriggling, unable to get up on their own.

Donny picked them up and tried to calm them but they launched into a tirade.

“You did that on purpose!” Penaaz shouted.

“You're a true blue git,” Portas added.

“Asshole,” Dimitri said.

“Evil sea shark! Machiavelli in fins,” Gregory said. “Unnecessary, I tell you. You could have killed us. We nearly died of fright!”

Genie let me go and crouched on the ground near Fish.

“Nearly. Aren’t you always saying you want adventure? Well, this is it. Some ground rules. Do what I say at all times. Understood?”

There was angry silence.

Genie grinned. “Come along, we take off in 10 minutes.” He scooped up Fish and Donny and strode towards the Cessna.

I looked around for a rock to aim at his smug head. There was not even a frustrated pebble. I grabbed our knapsack from the front seat and followed Genie.

I saw the door closing and rushed up the small aircraft's steps and fell flat on face. I wanted to cry. Mostly I wanted to kick G in the crotch.

He helped me up and put a finger on my lips. “Sorry. I won’t do it again.”

I swelled angrily and then saw the other passengers – East Asian looking. They nodded and smiled. Genie led me to my seat and I pushed away his hands from my seat belt.

He turned to make Fish and Donny comfortable in the window seat. Nobby sat on my neck. I felt a gentle kiss and he flew off to sit on Genie, eyeing our co-passengers with interest.

The take off scared me senseless. I felt Genie's hand on mine. “Thadeus is an excellent pilot. We met many years ago. I think you'll find where we're going very interesting.”

“Where are we going?”

“I want it to be a surprise. It’s not your usual tourist destination but I have a feeling you'll love it.”

“I’ve only ever been to Chhindwara.”

“Not true. You travelled with your parents and on your own. You’ve lived more than most others.”

Dimitri had told me I sold myself short and to stop doing it. “When do we reach?”

“In about five hours.”

I looked worriedly at Fish and Donny. Fish were explaining the cloud formations to Donny, who was nodding politely. Soon Genie emptied them out into a small water tank and they swam happily, forgetting us.

Penaaz and Pervez swam about slowly and warily. They had grudgingly forgiven Genie, for the moment.

Genie handed me one of Fish's graphic novels, but I was exhausted from our non-adventure and fell asleep.

                                     ******

Up in the air.
(Photo Credit: A Peter)

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