Fishy Chronicles 14: Take-off Terror

“So, where are we going, Genie?” I asked.

Silence.

“May I see your passport?”

“No.”

“Er, are you an Indian national?”

“Yes. I am.”

“Why so cloak-and-dagger? Surely I’m going to know once we're in the airport.”

Genie smiled, but his gaze didn’t stir from the cars passing him by in our taxi. I leaned closer to him to see what specifically had his attention. I smelt his cologne and his aftershave and got a jolt when I saw his eyes on me in the reflection of the glass.

“I think it’d do you good if you went out with Zeba,” I said, wanting to rile him.

“Absolutely. Plus she has a flat to herself. Imagine all the privacy we'd have.”

Damn! For once his response was faster than mine.

And he was still speaking, “But I vowed I’d see you hooked up with someone first.”

“Bullshit!” I said.

“Tut, tut, my dear. Stop closing yourself off to love. Let's make a pact. Let's try to find partners next year – our new year's resolutions.”

“Sure. I’ll wait till you find someone and then I’ll try.”

“Nope. You first. So I can rest easy.”

“Seems suspicious. I’ve always fallen in and out of love. It’s you I’m worried about.”

“Your worries are misplaced. The problem is those nincompoops you fall in love with. You deserve better.”

I was taken aback and silent. In hindsight all my loves, except for my father, were idiots. But it was uncomfortable to hear someone vocalise it.

“That hunk in advertising, perhaps.” Dimitri butted in. “You said he was trying to make eye contact.”

“Oh, no. He likes my colleague Ankita and was hoping I’d give him an intro.”

“How dare he!” Genie teased.

“Ankita asked me if you were available. How about it, Genie? It would mean dressing up decently for once, maybe effecting a mouche trim. In everything else, I’m sure you’ll impress her.”

Everyone looked at Genie. He looked ahead.

                                       ****** 

This is a fictional series of Fish, Genie, a former thug turned manservant turned free bird, Norbert, a rum-loving mosquito, and Donny, a North Pole elf who gets his new year's wish of spending the Christmas holidays with a family. None of them suspect each is going to goad the other into an adventure. 

Fish comprise Gregory, the intellectual, Portas, the fitness freak, Dimitri, the narrator's favourite fish and confidante and Penaaz and Pervez the only pair and thinkers who are ever fearful of losing their loved ones. 

In this episode Genie takes Fish and Company with him on a trip on his elderly Fokker. He refuses to let them know where he is taking them until...

                                       ******

We were hurried through the airport. There were no particular signs indicating our flight path.

We followed our customs man and I heaved a sigh of relief when I saw our luggage go through a scanner. I had no idea how to explain our menagerie or Fish looking like shrivelled up astronauts. But after several looks of interest, the baggage handlers and other officials lost interest in us.

We were hustled into an open vehicle and driven across the airfield and stopped outside a hangar.
We stared at the contraption in front of us.

It was hideous. No person in their right minds or aviation authority had any business letting that machine try to fly. There was black tape on some parts and the paint on the black orange Fokker was cracked. Worse, an almost naked, busty babe – arching her back, painfully it seemed – was painted on it.

A good looking grey-haired foreigner, the pilot, I assumed, going by his overalls, was now striding towards us.

The rickety Fokker looked like it had seen active duty in the First and Second World Wars. I turned to tell Genie I wasn't getting into his tin cup but he was halfway towards the other man. And I had to look away because Penaaz was wailing and Pervez was hustling her around. The rest of the Fish were staring at the small plane doubtfully.

Portas stepped in front of the two Ps. “Hold it. You're not going anywhere until we talk to Genie.”

Pervez pushed against Portas, but the latter was too strong.

I suddenly felt tense. I bent and picked up Penaaz and Pervez. “Listen, do you even think Genie would take us up in something unsafe?” Yes. But my frightened buddies didn’t need to hear it from me.

Penaaz opened her mouth, but no sound came out of it. She clung to my neck and Pervez clung to her. I felt the wet ooze out of their airsuits. The rest of the Fish turned away. Everyone was being loyal.

We watched Genie hug his friend and then turn around, point at us and gesture at the plane.

I felt the Ps tighten their hold on my neck. Soon I would die of suffocation. I tapped their fins. “Penaaz, you're cutting off my air supply.”

I dragged my feet and walked slowly towards the Fokker. “Is this machine certified by the Indian aviation authorities?”

Genie stilled, and his friend smiled. “Yes,” he said coolly.

“Which one?”

“The DGCA.”

“Er... what’s the full name?”

“Google it.”

“We are not entering that excuse of an airplane,” Gregory burst out. There were cries of outrage among Fish.

“It’s a death trap!” the two Ps screamed at Genie.

Only tiny Donny was walking towards the misshapen Fokker and shaking hands with the other pilot. Where were we going to sit? There were only two seats. Was this other man going to take us up? It would mean Fish, Donny, Nobby, Genie and I cramming into the second one. How was it even possible!

No wonder Genie wanted us to travel light!
“Hurry up,” Genie ordered.

We stood still in shock. Genie’s tone was tough. It was his better-do-what-I-say tone and we never messed with that Genie.

Donny quickly scrambled into the second seat with help from the pilot. Genie threw our backpack into the front seat and zipped himself into his overalls. His friend handed him two helmets.

This was bullshit. The crackpot had no business taking us up. But Fish walked up to Genie and he gently put some of them in the first seat and then the second.

“You're crazy, Genie!” Portas mumbled finally.

“We can’t do this, Genie. I feel a panic attack coming on,” I babbled, terrified – showing a brave face to the two Ps be damned! My heart raced. I hadn’t even made a will. But wait, I had no next of kin, except my parents’ greedy siblings. Oh, I just had to make my will!

I felt Genie's hand pushing me gently up the plane. “I haven’t made my will, Genie!”

“So what’s new.”

“I don’t want my cousins to get my flat.”

“What makes you think they want it?”

I stopped. I turned to protest and saw Genie grinning. He stepped back and raised his hands. “I agree. They shouldn’t get it. When we return you can sort out your matters. Now, in you go.”

I stared at Cockpit Two. I clambered up into it with my heart and limbs feeling like lead. Genie made me wear the helmet, strapped me into my seat and strapped Fish and Donny into a special side pouch.

“Nobby?”

“Got a small compartment in my seat for Fish and Nobby. They should be fine. Enjoy the trip. It's unlikely to be like anything you’ve tried before.”

No. I didn’t want us to take off! “You took Papa up in this?”

Genie straightened in surprise. “Yes. A couple of times. Never expected him to, but he liked it.”

I watched Genie get into his seat. He tried several times to get the engine running and I could feel every part of my being tensing.

Genie's friend spat at the propeller and swung it hard and the engine kicked into life. Genie ran the engine but it coughed and died in a few seconds.

Genie grunted and his friend sauntered over, spat again at the propeller and swung mightily.

Nothing.

Friend regurgitated again – the idiot had an unending repository of saliva and was training it on the poor Fokker. I heard choice swear words. It was gentle, cultured Pervez!

“GET THIS TIN PLATE OFF THE GROUND OR GET US OFF IT!!!!!”

“WHAT THE FORK!” Penaaz screamed at the top of her voice.

Donny looked tense and grabbed my hand. The repeated engine revving and it dying had strung us up to our crises points. I couldn’t do better in terms of invective and I was too frightened to open my mouth. Fish were saying it all. There were angry sounds in Genie's cockpit and I heard swearing at frequent intervals – there was a mutiny in progress.

Poor Fish. They were firmly strapped in with no escape. Worse, we had attracted a crowd. I wanted to die. Finally, the engine came alive and moved and we screamed in terror.

I grabbed the sides of the bucket seat and braced myself for death. I cursed myself for not writing my will and for being unwilling to pass into the nether world yet, even with good company.

The plane sped down the runway, lifted a little, fell heavily back to land, ran along the runway and slowed to a stop. I couldn’t stop screaming.

“Stop! It’s alright. The engine died!” The spitter pilot was at my side, leaning in and awkwardly holding my shoulder and shaking me. I closed my mouth, unable to believe we were going to live. I quickly unstrapped the two Ps and Donny and tried to get up.

“You have to remove the straps,” the man smiled gently.

My hands shook and I was stricken by fear and trembled. I felt hands undo the straps, pluck the precious cargo from my hands and then try to pull me out.

I saw Genie leaning against the plane – laughing!

Bastard! He got off on our fear! I raced towards him, furious. He grabbed my arms and held me off and laughed more. The airport staff gathered around us also laughed. I tried to launch myself at them, but Genie lifted me by the waist and turned me around.

He put his arm around me and held me tightly until finally I was exhausted from struggling, screaming and cursing. He pointed at a shiny blue and white Cessna. The spitter was smiling at us from near its door. “Realised in time that the Fokker is going to a private museum. Today.”

“What!”

“That’s our ride,” he pointed at the Cessna.

I screamed at him, until the Fish swearing at him blocked out the sound of my rage. Only, I could feel Genie heaving and laughing behind me. Fish threw themselves at Genie, ostensibly to do him bodily harm, but bounced off and lay on the ground, wriggling, unable to get up on their own.

Donny picked them up and tried to calm them but they launched into a tirade.

“You did that on purpose!” Penaaz shouted.

“You're a true blue git,” Portas added.

“Asshole,” Dimitri said.

“Evil sea shark! Machiavelli in fins,” Gregory said. “Unnecessary, I tell you. You could have killed us. We nearly died of fright!”

Genie let me go and crouched on the ground near Fish.

“Nearly. Aren’t you always saying you want adventure? Well, this is it. Some ground rules. Do what I say at all times. Understood?”

There was angry silence.

Genie grinned. “Come along, we take off in 10 minutes.” He scooped up Fish and Donny and strode towards the Cessna.

I looked around for a rock to aim at his smug head. There was not even a frustrated pebble. I grabbed our knapsack from the front seat and followed Genie.

I saw the door closing and rushed up the small aircraft's steps and fell flat on face. I wanted to cry. Mostly I wanted to kick G in the crotch.

He helped me up and put a finger on my lips. “Sorry. I won’t do it again.”

I swelled angrily and then saw the other passengers – East Asian looking. They nodded and smiled. Genie led me to my seat and I pushed away his hands from my seat belt.

He turned to make Fish and Donny comfortable in the window seat. Nobby sat on my neck. I felt a gentle kiss and he flew off to sit on Genie, eyeing our co-passengers with interest.

The take off scared me senseless. I felt Genie's hand on mine. “Thadeus is an excellent pilot. We met many years ago. I think you'll find where we're going very interesting.”

“Where are we going?”

“I want it to be a surprise. It’s not your usual tourist destination but I have a feeling you'll love it.”

“I’ve only ever been to Chhindwara.”

“Not true. You travelled with your parents and on your own. You’ve lived more than most others.”

Dimitri had told me I sold myself short and to stop doing it. “When do we reach?”

“In about five hours.”

I looked worriedly at Fish and Donny. Fish were explaining the cloud formations to Donny, who was nodding politely. Soon Genie emptied them out into a small water tank and they swam happily, forgetting us.

Penaaz and Pervez swam about slowly and warily. They had grudgingly forgiven Genie, for the moment.

Genie handed me one of Fish's graphic novels, but I was exhausted from our non-adventure and fell asleep.

                                     ******

Up in the air.
(Photo Credit: A Peter)

#machiavelli #shark #evil #love #loss #pervez #penaaz #genie #adventure #fokker #secondworldwar #firstworldwar #pinup #fish #suits #cessna #eastasian #mosquito #nobby #donny #elf #zeba #privacy #taxi #crotch #netherworld #will #nincompoop #advertising #travel #annatravelbug #fishychronicles #viewfromthetopofthetank 

Fishy Chronicles 13: Light Packing, Slow Karma And Other Business

(Illustration by A. Peter)

That night there was a tap on my bedroom door.

Genie came in and watched me pack my suitcase. It was a nice spiffy American Tourister that I had bought when my editor had promised me a junket to Rome. A month later I learned that a young thing in the News Bureau had flown out instead.

“I said to travel light,” I heard Genie's moustache say.

“Yes. I’m travelling very light. This is only about 12 kgs.”

“What about Fish?”

“They plan to lie in a hammock, drink Breezers and read.”

Genie held my busy hands still until I looked up. “Come to the sitting room. We have to talk.”

Sudden deflation. “Are you leaving us? So soon?”

“Yes. And I’m taking you lot with me. I need to lay some ground rules.”

This is a fictional series surrounding Fish, Genie, a former thug turned manservant turned free bird, Norbert, a rum-loving mosquito, and Donny, a North Pole elf who gets his new year's wish of spending the Christmas holidays with a family.  

None of them suspects each is going to goad the other into an adventure.  

Fish comprise Gregory, the intellectual, Portas, the fitness freak, Dimitri, the narrator's favourite fish and confidante and Penaaz and Pervez a pair of lovers and thinkers who are ever fearful of losing their loved ones. 

In this episode Genie wants to take Fish and Company on a trip and orders them to travel very light... which causes heartburn in the household. 

Zeba Bobby, a neighbour with an enormous crush on Genie and who hates the narrator, gets a taste of karma.

I followed him into the sitting room, curious. Nobby and Donny were sitting on the TV stand and watching Fish in the tank. They were zipping from side to side and packing.

“Stop what you’re doing and listen to what I have to say,” Genie ordered.

Fish slowed for an instant, but then continued at breakneck speed.

“Now!” Genie leaned over the tank and said a trifle loudly. A sudden thought entered my head – what if Genie had children and they behaved exactly like Fish.

They stilled. And Genie moved to his cupboard, which was always locked. He pulled out one large knapsack and threw it on the ground between us.

“When I said travel light, I meant everything that is essential has to fit into this bag.”

Fish and I looked at Genie and at each other and we laughed. There was already a mountain of stuff at the side of their tank waiting to be packed into their fake Louis Vuitton valises.

Genie sat on the sofa and put one leg over the other and waited for us to stop.

“You're joking, right, Genie?” Gregory was smiling. He was holding a heavy book. I could read one word, Homosapiens.

“Tomorrow you may have to choose between the scales on your back or travelling. We won’t be able to run home and empty your suitcases. Total weight has to be less than 10kgs.”

“I won’t be able to take anything. Barely any clothes and underwear,” I protested.

“There's an excellent laundry service where we're staying and shops. You can buy what you need, but you won’t need to.”

I looked at Fish. They were eerily quiet. Why?

Then Pervez hoisted himself half out of the tank. He and Penaaz were a pair and we rarely heard them speak. Still they were the ones Fish went to for advice. I attributed their wisdom to the old Parsi gentleman they had lived with previously. But they were filled with the dread of the unknown and losing people close to them, especially after their parent Mr Poonawala died.

“Are you taking us in your Fokker?” Pervez asked. Penaaz looked terribly anxious.

“Well?” Gregory demanded.

“Yes. So there's not much space for luggage.”

Suddenly there was a commotion. But I could think of only one thing. “You have a plane?” And you didn't tell me?

“Yes. I use it a lot. Had it for years. Took your dad up in it a couple of times...”

I stared at him, feeling left out in every sense. Fish knew. Papa had known. Only Genie hadn’t felt the need to tell. Against my will I heard myself say, “What do you use it for?”

“Travelling,” Genie said and walked out of the door.

When I had calmed myself, I looked at the fish tank. There was a great big uproar going on. Pervez and Penaaz were completing each other's sentences angrily and vowing not to go.

“He's a madcap who's probably transporting his ganja or diamonds!” Penaaz bounced off the fish tank’s walls in agitation.

“That’s not fair. Genie's given it all up ages ago. He's on the straight and narrow,” Portas said.

“But if he has a death wish, why do we need to follow?” Pervez wailed.

“You guys have flown with Genie before?” I leaned over the tank. I needed to look Fish in the eye because I wanted straight answers.

“Yes.” Portas said, after a long time. Fish had gone silent.

“When?”

“When you were on your junket to Chhindwara.”

More shame. It had been a factory visit into the Indian hinterland that no reporter had wanted and eventually it was thrust on me.

“It was a factory visit. Junkets are to exotic locales for favoured subordinates.”

“Look at it this way. You got to see the interior of Madhya Pradesh in comfort, stayed in a small palace... the kind of experience very few are likely to have,” Gregory said, adjusting his bow tie and not making eye contact.

“Yes, you’re right. Did Papa go?”

Fish bobbed up and down in silence. Dimitri finally made his way up. “Yes. Papa was upset he was doing it behind your back. But he was very sad and the short trips cheered him. Genie promised to take you one day. We are just surprised it didn't happen sooner.”

“Why didn’t it happen sooner?”

“The tensions with your ex husband. Rohit. And when Papa also died you were always disturbed... we felt you were grieving... then Genie left. He got fed up that you couldn’t sort yourself out.”

“That’s not right,” Portas butted in. “He said you needed space. There were too many of us crowding you at any given time.”

“So he abandoned me?!” I was beginning to feel awful.

“No. Of course not!”

“Is that why you guys left?”

Dimitri looked at me for a long time. I could hear Penaaz beg him “no, don’t say it” over and over.

“We left because it was time to let you figure out things. Plus, it was time to move on. Our lifecycle is very short. We always knew we were going to come back. It wasn't just you who lost a beloved parent, you know. Us and Genie too.”

I felt my throat close and nodded. I knew Papa had taken an instant liking to Genie and vice versa. Papa had even got a carpenter to make a cupboard and bed for Genie. And Genie always sat on the sofa or armchairs, unlike the servants. For my father, Genie had been family. For Genie, I suspect, Papa had been his father.

I picked up the bag and slid open the zip and looked into it without seeing. Whatever I had heard hadn’t changed a thing – I was getting out of Peaceful Society for 10 days. And if the Fokker was any indication, I was going to have the time of my life!

“Right, kids. I’m going to take my aviators and wear three pairs of underwear on the Fokker. Be sure to pack your stuff tonight, else I'll commandeer the extra space. What about your things, Donny?”

He pointed at his tiny holdall. It would fit into a sidepocket.

                                      ******
I felt a little fear when I thought of the Fokker, but I was good for an adventure.

Last night I spoke to Penaaz and Pervez about the trip. I had joked about us crashing into the ocean and being with Mr Poonawala and my parents sooner than we thought. But when Fish started angrily raining water on me, I changed tack and told them that I trusted Genie with my life.

I didn’t think Pervez or Penaaz would believe me. And as much as I wanted to, I couldn’t share my feelings of loss. Or my real fear that all my loved ones would either die or desert me. Neither could I assure them that a plane crash had never been my idea of a top killer of loved ones.

Now the front flap of the knapsack was stuffed with Fish's toys, comics and finger food and they were in their airsuits, impatiently waiting for me to stuff the last of my things into the bag. I hurriedly switched off the lights, checked all the switches and taps and locked my two front doors.

Unusually, Genie was already in the cab – normally he held the door open for me. But I soon realised why. I saw Zeba Bobby rushing towards us on very high heels, in a caftan with a plunging neckline. Plus she wasn't wearing a bra. No wonder Genie was terrified. I jumped in and the Ola driver sped off.

But I needed to finger Genie and though I thought she was awful, I asked, “What’s wrong with Zeba that you can’t be around her for a few minutes?”

I almost shrivelled under his glare. He turned away and looked out the window. After several minutes he glared at me again, “Why couldn’t you tell her to bugger off after she blocked you out of the Christmas preps.”

Fish looked up at the sky. I shrugged weakly. I had felt outnumbered and bullied by the women of Peaceful Society and I hadn’t been able to fight back.

Genie continued to speak, “I’m damned if I’m going to talk to her. I thought you were smart though.”

“Why?”

“Blocking her number and not baking the cakes.”

“I’m now the villain of the society.”

“Of course you are. Peaceful Society is filled with idiots, morons and bullies. If there is someone sensible here, he or she is probably trying to move out. But I’m here now. And Fish and Nobby. We'll see what they throw at us.”

“Yes, Sweetie,” I felt a touch. It was Penaaz. “Be true to yourself.”

I had a sudden thought. “Zeba cornered me at the gate the other day, very angry.”

“Yes?” Penaaz said.

“She said every time she walked past our window, someone threw water at her. But the watchman told her I wasn't at home. Would you know anything about it?”

“Yes.” She smiled beatifically – probably the first time I’d ever seen Penaaz smile. “A lot, actually. Let’s just say, sometimes you can’t wait for karma to come around.”

Fish, Nobby and Donny tittered and Genie stretched in his seat and his body relaxed.

So did I. Only they didn’t know that someone had been watching.

An elderly neighbour I’d given a lift to a few days ago had cackled about Genie washing the windows diligently... and how it always coincided with Zeba passing by.

It probably explained the sun umbrella Zeba now sported everywhere – even at night.

Poor Zeba. She was madly in love with Genie but unable to do a thing about it. And worse, Genie was living with loser me.

Karma had a boot in someone's gut, for sure.