“So, where are we going, Genie?” I asked.
Silence.
“May I see your passport?”
“No.”
“Er, are you an Indian national?”
“Yes. I am.”
“Why so cloak-and-dagger? Surely I’m going to know once we're in the airport.”
Genie smiled, but his gaze didn’t stir from the cars passing him by in our taxi. I leaned closer to him to see what specifically had his attention. I smelt his cologne and his aftershave and got a jolt when I saw his eyes on me in the reflection of the glass.
“I think it’d do you good if you went out with Zeba,” I said, wanting to rile him.
“Absolutely. Plus she has a flat to herself. Imagine all the privacy we'd have.”
Damn! For once his response was faster than mine.
And he was still speaking, “But I vowed I’d see you hooked up with someone first.”
“Bullshit!” I said.
“Tut, tut, my dear. Stop closing yourself off to love. Let's make a pact. Let's try to find partners next year – our new year's resolutions.”
“Sure. I’ll wait till you find someone and then I’ll try.”
“Nope. You first. So I can rest easy.”
“Seems suspicious. I’ve always fallen in and out of love. It’s you I’m worried about.”
“Your worries are misplaced. The problem is those nincompoops you fall in love with. You deserve better.”
I was taken aback and silent. In hindsight all my loves, except for my father, were idiots. But it was uncomfortable to hear someone vocalise it.
“That hunk in advertising, perhaps.” Dimitri butted in. “You said he was trying to make eye contact.”
“Oh, no. He likes my colleague Ankita and was hoping I’d give him an intro.”
“How dare he!” Genie teased.
“Ankita asked me if you were available. How about it, Genie? It would mean dressing up decently for once, maybe effecting a mouche trim. In everything else, I’m sure you’ll impress her.”
Everyone looked at Genie. He looked ahead.
******
******
We were hurried through the airport. There were no particular signs indicating our flight path.
We followed our customs man and I heaved a sigh of relief when I saw our luggage go through a scanner. I had no idea how to explain our menagerie or Fish looking like shrivelled up astronauts. But after several looks of interest, the baggage handlers and other officials lost interest in us.
We were hustled into an open vehicle and driven across the airfield and stopped outside a hangar.
We stared at the contraption in front of us.
It was hideous. No person in their right minds or aviation authority had any business letting that machine try to fly. There was black tape on some parts and the paint on the black orange Fokker was cracked. Worse, an almost naked, busty babe – arching her back, painfully it seemed – was painted on it.
A good looking grey-haired foreigner, the pilot, I assumed, going by his overalls, was now striding towards us.
The rickety Fokker looked like it had seen active duty in the First and Second World Wars. I turned to tell Genie I wasn't getting into his tin cup but he was halfway towards the other man. And I had to look away because Penaaz was wailing and Pervez was hustling her around. The rest of the Fish were staring at the small plane doubtfully.
Portas stepped in front of the two Ps. “Hold it. You're not going anywhere until we talk to Genie.”
Pervez pushed against Portas, but the latter was too strong.
I suddenly felt tense. I bent and picked up Penaaz and Pervez. “Listen, do you even think Genie would take us up in something unsafe?” Yes. But my frightened buddies didn’t need to hear it from me.
Penaaz opened her mouth, but no sound came out of it. She clung to my neck and Pervez clung to her. I felt the wet ooze out of their airsuits. The rest of the Fish turned away. Everyone was being loyal.
We watched Genie hug his friend and then turn around, point at us and gesture at the plane.
I felt the Ps tighten their hold on my neck. Soon I would die of suffocation. I tapped their fins. “Penaaz, you're cutting off my air supply.”
I dragged my feet and walked slowly towards the Fokker. “Is this machine certified by the Indian aviation authorities?”
Genie stilled, and his friend smiled. “Yes,” he said coolly.
“Which one?”
“The DGCA.”
“Er... what’s the full name?”
“Google it.”
“We are not entering that excuse of an airplane,” Gregory burst out. There were cries of outrage among Fish.
“It’s a death trap!” the two Ps screamed at Genie.
Only tiny Donny was walking towards the misshapen Fokker and shaking hands with the other pilot. Where were we going to sit? There were only two seats. Was this other man going to take us up? It would mean Fish, Donny, Nobby, Genie and I cramming into the second one. How was it even possible!
No wonder Genie wanted us to travel light!
“Hurry up,” Genie ordered.
We stood still in shock. Genie’s tone was tough. It was his better-do-what-I-say tone and we never messed with that Genie.
Donny quickly scrambled into the second seat with help from the pilot. Genie threw our backpack into the front seat and zipped himself into his overalls. His friend handed him two helmets.
This was bullshit. The crackpot had no business taking us up. But Fish walked up to Genie and he gently put some of them in the first seat and then the second.
“You're crazy, Genie!” Portas mumbled finally.
“We can’t do this, Genie. I feel a panic attack coming on,” I babbled, terrified – showing a brave face to the two Ps be damned! My heart raced. I hadn’t even made a will. But wait, I had no next of kin, except my parents’ greedy siblings. Oh, I just had to make my will!
I felt Genie's hand pushing me gently up the plane. “I haven’t made my will, Genie!”
“So what’s new.”
“I don’t want my cousins to get my flat.”
“What makes you think they want it?”
I stopped. I turned to protest and saw Genie grinning. He stepped back and raised his hands. “I agree. They shouldn’t get it. When we return you can sort out your matters. Now, in you go.”
I stared at Cockpit Two. I clambered up into it with my heart and limbs feeling like lead. Genie made me wear the helmet, strapped me into my seat and strapped Fish and Donny into a special side pouch.
“Nobby?”
“Got a small compartment in my seat for Fish and Nobby. They should be fine. Enjoy the trip. It's unlikely to be like anything you’ve tried before.”
No. I didn’t want us to take off! “You took Papa up in this?”
Genie straightened in surprise. “Yes. A couple of times. Never expected him to, but he liked it.”
I watched Genie get into his seat. He tried several times to get the engine running and I could feel every part of my being tensing.
Genie's friend spat at the propeller and swung it hard and the engine kicked into life. Genie ran the engine but it coughed and died in a few seconds.
Genie grunted and his friend sauntered over, spat again at the propeller and swung mightily.
Nothing.
Friend regurgitated again – the idiot had an unending repository of saliva and was training it on the poor Fokker. I heard choice swear words. It was gentle, cultured Pervez!
“GET THIS TIN PLATE OFF THE GROUND OR GET US OFF IT!!!!!”
“WHAT THE FORK!” Penaaz screamed at the top of her voice.
Donny looked tense and grabbed my hand. The repeated engine revving and it dying had strung us up to our crises points. I couldn’t do better in terms of invective and I was too frightened to open my mouth. Fish were saying it all. There were angry sounds in Genie's cockpit and I heard swearing at frequent intervals – there was a mutiny in progress.
Poor Fish. They were firmly strapped in with no escape. Worse, we had attracted a crowd. I wanted to die. Finally, the engine came alive and moved and we screamed in terror.
I grabbed the sides of the bucket seat and braced myself for death. I cursed myself for not writing my will and for being unwilling to pass into the nether world yet, even with good company.
The plane sped down the runway, lifted a little, fell heavily back to land, ran along the runway and slowed to a stop. I couldn’t stop screaming.
“Stop! It’s alright. The engine died!” The spitter pilot was at my side, leaning in and awkwardly holding my shoulder and shaking me. I closed my mouth, unable to believe we were going to live. I quickly unstrapped the two Ps and Donny and tried to get up.
“You have to remove the straps,” the man smiled gently.
My hands shook and I was stricken by fear and trembled. I felt hands undo the straps, pluck the precious cargo from my hands and then try to pull me out.
I saw Genie leaning against the plane – laughing!
Bastard! He got off on our fear! I raced towards him, furious. He grabbed my arms and held me off and laughed more. The airport staff gathered around us also laughed. I tried to launch myself at them, but Genie lifted me by the waist and turned me around.
He put his arm around me and held me tightly until finally I was exhausted from struggling, screaming and cursing. He pointed at a shiny blue and white Cessna. The spitter was smiling at us from near its door. “Realised in time that the Fokker is going to a private museum. Today.”
“What!”
“That’s our ride,” he pointed at the Cessna.
I screamed at him, until the Fish swearing at him blocked out the sound of my rage. Only, I could feel Genie heaving and laughing behind me. Fish threw themselves at Genie, ostensibly to do him bodily harm, but bounced off and lay on the ground, wriggling, unable to get up on their own.
Donny picked them up and tried to calm them but they launched into a tirade.
“You did that on purpose!” Penaaz shouted.
“You're a true blue git,” Portas added.
“Asshole,” Dimitri said.
“Evil sea shark! Machiavelli in fins,” Gregory said. “Unnecessary, I tell you. You could have killed us. We nearly died of fright!”
Genie let me go and crouched on the ground near Fish.
“Nearly. Aren’t you always saying you want adventure? Well, this is it. Some ground rules. Do what I say at all times. Understood?”
There was angry silence.
Genie grinned. “Come along, we take off in 10 minutes.” He scooped up Fish and Donny and strode towards the Cessna.
I looked around for a rock to aim at his smug head. There was not even a frustrated pebble. I grabbed our knapsack from the front seat and followed Genie.
I saw the door closing and rushed up the small aircraft's steps and fell flat on face. I wanted to cry. Mostly I wanted to kick G in the crotch.
He helped me up and put a finger on my lips. “Sorry. I won’t do it again.”
I swelled angrily and then saw the other passengers – East Asian looking. They nodded and smiled. Genie led me to my seat and I pushed away his hands from my seat belt.
He turned to make Fish and Donny comfortable in the window seat. Nobby sat on my neck. I felt a gentle kiss and he flew off to sit on Genie, eyeing our co-passengers with interest.
The take off scared me senseless. I felt Genie's hand on mine. “Thadeus is an excellent pilot. We met many years ago. I think you'll find where we're going very interesting.”
“Where are we going?”
“I want it to be a surprise. It’s not your usual tourist destination but I have a feeling you'll love it.”
“I’ve only ever been to Chhindwara.”
“Not true. You travelled with your parents and on your own. You’ve lived more than most others.”
Dimitri had told me I sold myself short and to stop doing it. “When do we reach?”
“In about five hours.”
I looked worriedly at Fish and Donny. Fish were explaining the cloud formations to Donny, who was nodding politely. Soon Genie emptied them out into a small water tank and they swam happily, forgetting us.
Penaaz and Pervez swam about slowly and warily. They had grudgingly forgiven Genie, for the moment.
Genie handed me one of Fish's graphic novels, but I was exhausted from our non-adventure and fell asleep.
******
Silence.
“May I see your passport?”
“No.”
“Er, are you an Indian national?”
“Yes. I am.”
“Why so cloak-and-dagger? Surely I’m going to know once we're in the airport.”
Genie smiled, but his gaze didn’t stir from the cars passing him by in our taxi. I leaned closer to him to see what specifically had his attention. I smelt his cologne and his aftershave and got a jolt when I saw his eyes on me in the reflection of the glass.
“I think it’d do you good if you went out with Zeba,” I said, wanting to rile him.
“Absolutely. Plus she has a flat to herself. Imagine all the privacy we'd have.”
Damn! For once his response was faster than mine.
And he was still speaking, “But I vowed I’d see you hooked up with someone first.”
“Bullshit!” I said.
“Tut, tut, my dear. Stop closing yourself off to love. Let's make a pact. Let's try to find partners next year – our new year's resolutions.”
“Sure. I’ll wait till you find someone and then I’ll try.”
“Nope. You first. So I can rest easy.”
“Seems suspicious. I’ve always fallen in and out of love. It’s you I’m worried about.”
“Your worries are misplaced. The problem is those nincompoops you fall in love with. You deserve better.”
I was taken aback and silent. In hindsight all my loves, except for my father, were idiots. But it was uncomfortable to hear someone vocalise it.
“That hunk in advertising, perhaps.” Dimitri butted in. “You said he was trying to make eye contact.”
“Oh, no. He likes my colleague Ankita and was hoping I’d give him an intro.”
“How dare he!” Genie teased.
“Ankita asked me if you were available. How about it, Genie? It would mean dressing up decently for once, maybe effecting a mouche trim. In everything else, I’m sure you’ll impress her.”
Everyone looked at Genie. He looked ahead.
******
This is a fictional series of Fish, Genie, a former thug turned manservant turned free bird, Norbert, a rum-loving mosquito, and Donny, a North Pole elf who gets his new year's wish of spending the Christmas holidays with a family. None of them suspect each is going to goad the other into an adventure.
Fish comprise Gregory, the intellectual, Portas, the fitness freak, Dimitri, the narrator's favourite fish and confidante and Penaaz and Pervez the only pair and thinkers who are ever fearful of losing their loved ones.
In this episode Genie takes Fish and Company with him on a trip on his elderly Fokker. He refuses to let them know where he is taking them until...
******
We were hurried through the airport. There were no particular signs indicating our flight path.
We followed our customs man and I heaved a sigh of relief when I saw our luggage go through a scanner. I had no idea how to explain our menagerie or Fish looking like shrivelled up astronauts. But after several looks of interest, the baggage handlers and other officials lost interest in us.
We were hustled into an open vehicle and driven across the airfield and stopped outside a hangar.
We stared at the contraption in front of us.
It was hideous. No person in their right minds or aviation authority had any business letting that machine try to fly. There was black tape on some parts and the paint on the black orange Fokker was cracked. Worse, an almost naked, busty babe – arching her back, painfully it seemed – was painted on it.
A good looking grey-haired foreigner, the pilot, I assumed, going by his overalls, was now striding towards us.
The rickety Fokker looked like it had seen active duty in the First and Second World Wars. I turned to tell Genie I wasn't getting into his tin cup but he was halfway towards the other man. And I had to look away because Penaaz was wailing and Pervez was hustling her around. The rest of the Fish were staring at the small plane doubtfully.
Portas stepped in front of the two Ps. “Hold it. You're not going anywhere until we talk to Genie.”
Pervez pushed against Portas, but the latter was too strong.
I suddenly felt tense. I bent and picked up Penaaz and Pervez. “Listen, do you even think Genie would take us up in something unsafe?” Yes. But my frightened buddies didn’t need to hear it from me.
Penaaz opened her mouth, but no sound came out of it. She clung to my neck and Pervez clung to her. I felt the wet ooze out of their airsuits. The rest of the Fish turned away. Everyone was being loyal.
We watched Genie hug his friend and then turn around, point at us and gesture at the plane.
I felt the Ps tighten their hold on my neck. Soon I would die of suffocation. I tapped their fins. “Penaaz, you're cutting off my air supply.”
I dragged my feet and walked slowly towards the Fokker. “Is this machine certified by the Indian aviation authorities?”
Genie stilled, and his friend smiled. “Yes,” he said coolly.
“Which one?”
“The DGCA.”
“Er... what’s the full name?”
“Google it.”
“We are not entering that excuse of an airplane,” Gregory burst out. There were cries of outrage among Fish.
“It’s a death trap!” the two Ps screamed at Genie.
Only tiny Donny was walking towards the misshapen Fokker and shaking hands with the other pilot. Where were we going to sit? There were only two seats. Was this other man going to take us up? It would mean Fish, Donny, Nobby, Genie and I cramming into the second one. How was it even possible!
No wonder Genie wanted us to travel light!
“Hurry up,” Genie ordered.
We stood still in shock. Genie’s tone was tough. It was his better-do-what-I-say tone and we never messed with that Genie.
Donny quickly scrambled into the second seat with help from the pilot. Genie threw our backpack into the front seat and zipped himself into his overalls. His friend handed him two helmets.
This was bullshit. The crackpot had no business taking us up. But Fish walked up to Genie and he gently put some of them in the first seat and then the second.
“You're crazy, Genie!” Portas mumbled finally.
“We can’t do this, Genie. I feel a panic attack coming on,” I babbled, terrified – showing a brave face to the two Ps be damned! My heart raced. I hadn’t even made a will. But wait, I had no next of kin, except my parents’ greedy siblings. Oh, I just had to make my will!
I felt Genie's hand pushing me gently up the plane. “I haven’t made my will, Genie!”
“So what’s new.”
“I don’t want my cousins to get my flat.”
“What makes you think they want it?”
I stopped. I turned to protest and saw Genie grinning. He stepped back and raised his hands. “I agree. They shouldn’t get it. When we return you can sort out your matters. Now, in you go.”
I stared at Cockpit Two. I clambered up into it with my heart and limbs feeling like lead. Genie made me wear the helmet, strapped me into my seat and strapped Fish and Donny into a special side pouch.
“Nobby?”
“Got a small compartment in my seat for Fish and Nobby. They should be fine. Enjoy the trip. It's unlikely to be like anything you’ve tried before.”
No. I didn’t want us to take off! “You took Papa up in this?”
Genie straightened in surprise. “Yes. A couple of times. Never expected him to, but he liked it.”
I watched Genie get into his seat. He tried several times to get the engine running and I could feel every part of my being tensing.
Genie's friend spat at the propeller and swung it hard and the engine kicked into life. Genie ran the engine but it coughed and died in a few seconds.
Genie grunted and his friend sauntered over, spat again at the propeller and swung mightily.
Nothing.
Friend regurgitated again – the idiot had an unending repository of saliva and was training it on the poor Fokker. I heard choice swear words. It was gentle, cultured Pervez!
“GET THIS TIN PLATE OFF THE GROUND OR GET US OFF IT!!!!!”
“WHAT THE FORK!” Penaaz screamed at the top of her voice.
Donny looked tense and grabbed my hand. The repeated engine revving and it dying had strung us up to our crises points. I couldn’t do better in terms of invective and I was too frightened to open my mouth. Fish were saying it all. There were angry sounds in Genie's cockpit and I heard swearing at frequent intervals – there was a mutiny in progress.
Poor Fish. They were firmly strapped in with no escape. Worse, we had attracted a crowd. I wanted to die. Finally, the engine came alive and moved and we screamed in terror.
I grabbed the sides of the bucket seat and braced myself for death. I cursed myself for not writing my will and for being unwilling to pass into the nether world yet, even with good company.
The plane sped down the runway, lifted a little, fell heavily back to land, ran along the runway and slowed to a stop. I couldn’t stop screaming.
“Stop! It’s alright. The engine died!” The spitter pilot was at my side, leaning in and awkwardly holding my shoulder and shaking me. I closed my mouth, unable to believe we were going to live. I quickly unstrapped the two Ps and Donny and tried to get up.
“You have to remove the straps,” the man smiled gently.
My hands shook and I was stricken by fear and trembled. I felt hands undo the straps, pluck the precious cargo from my hands and then try to pull me out.
I saw Genie leaning against the plane – laughing!
Bastard! He got off on our fear! I raced towards him, furious. He grabbed my arms and held me off and laughed more. The airport staff gathered around us also laughed. I tried to launch myself at them, but Genie lifted me by the waist and turned me around.
He put his arm around me and held me tightly until finally I was exhausted from struggling, screaming and cursing. He pointed at a shiny blue and white Cessna. The spitter was smiling at us from near its door. “Realised in time that the Fokker is going to a private museum. Today.”
“What!”
“That’s our ride,” he pointed at the Cessna.
I screamed at him, until the Fish swearing at him blocked out the sound of my rage. Only, I could feel Genie heaving and laughing behind me. Fish threw themselves at Genie, ostensibly to do him bodily harm, but bounced off and lay on the ground, wriggling, unable to get up on their own.
Donny picked them up and tried to calm them but they launched into a tirade.
“You did that on purpose!” Penaaz shouted.
“You're a true blue git,” Portas added.
“Asshole,” Dimitri said.
“Evil sea shark! Machiavelli in fins,” Gregory said. “Unnecessary, I tell you. You could have killed us. We nearly died of fright!”
Genie let me go and crouched on the ground near Fish.
“Nearly. Aren’t you always saying you want adventure? Well, this is it. Some ground rules. Do what I say at all times. Understood?”
There was angry silence.
Genie grinned. “Come along, we take off in 10 minutes.” He scooped up Fish and Donny and strode towards the Cessna.
I looked around for a rock to aim at his smug head. There was not even a frustrated pebble. I grabbed our knapsack from the front seat and followed Genie.
I saw the door closing and rushed up the small aircraft's steps and fell flat on face. I wanted to cry. Mostly I wanted to kick G in the crotch.
He helped me up and put a finger on my lips. “Sorry. I won’t do it again.”
I swelled angrily and then saw the other passengers – East Asian looking. They nodded and smiled. Genie led me to my seat and I pushed away his hands from my seat belt.
He turned to make Fish and Donny comfortable in the window seat. Nobby sat on my neck. I felt a gentle kiss and he flew off to sit on Genie, eyeing our co-passengers with interest.
The take off scared me senseless. I felt Genie's hand on mine. “Thadeus is an excellent pilot. We met many years ago. I think you'll find where we're going very interesting.”
“Where are we going?”
“I want it to be a surprise. It’s not your usual tourist destination but I have a feeling you'll love it.”
“I’ve only ever been to Chhindwara.”
“Not true. You travelled with your parents and on your own. You’ve lived more than most others.”
Dimitri had told me I sold myself short and to stop doing it. “When do we reach?”
“In about five hours.”
I looked worriedly at Fish and Donny. Fish were explaining the cloud formations to Donny, who was nodding politely. Soon Genie emptied them out into a small water tank and they swam happily, forgetting us.
Penaaz and Pervez swam about slowly and warily. They had grudgingly forgiven Genie, for the moment.
Genie handed me one of Fish's graphic novels, but I was exhausted from our non-adventure and fell asleep.
******
 |
| Up in the air. (Photo Credit: A Peter) #machiavelli #shark #evil #love #loss #pervez #penaaz #genie #adventure #fokker #secondworldwar #firstworldwar #pinup #fish #suits #cessna #eastasian #mosquito #nobby #donny #elf #zeba #privacy #taxi #crotch #netherworld #will #nincompoop #advertising #travel #annatravelbug #fishychronicles #viewfromthetopofthetank |
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