My phone vibrated. I looked at the next bed. Darth Vader was snoring. I looked at the fish tank. Fish were glaring at Nidhi, but their anger was centred on me.
I sighed. I hadn't thought of ear plugs. I'd have to do something to soundproof their tank at night – at least before we went on holiday with other people.
"Where are you going?" Penaaz asked me suspiciously, while I pulled on my pants. I now felt like a teen with five strict parents. When Nidhi was awake it felt like she was the sixth.
Earlier tonight I had crawled into my bed fully clothed, with my swimsuit under, and heard a shocked squawk and a lot of incoherent, under-the-breath clucking. The ensuing silence was pregnant with tension. I stayed put until my darling Dimitri asked me, with a wink, if I wouldn’t be more comfortable in my nightie. I was certain there was something behind the suggestion as I’d told him about my nocturnal plans.
I changed into my nightgown and Nidhi proceeded to melt into the mattress and a little later to snore. My cousin Roma and I had agreed to meet once our respective extra appendages fell asleep. Roma had three but the kids were super sharp and hence the clandestine nature of our operations.
My phone said 11:30pm. It was a good thing I hadn’t been trying to sleep. The steady silence-engine revving-silence from the other bed was brain numbing. I felt it more now because every time I thought of Nidhi I didn’t have a positive feeling.
A drop of water hit my pillow. I tore my gaze from Nidhi's open mouth and turned to look at Fish.
“Give her a poke,” Penaaz said. Suddenly I felt very sorry for Fish.
“I’m afraid of her.”
Dimitri laughed. The other fish glared at him.
“Try,” Portas said sarcastically.
“I will be in hell for the rest of this holiday.”
“You're already in purgatory. Luckily it ends tomorrow!” Gregory said. “Why didn’t you just suggest Nidhi and Arief sleep in the same room. They would have snored each other to sleep.”
I guffawed. I doubted snoring would have been the plan, but... Nidhi sat upright with a start and looked around.
Shit! I froze and Nidhi recoiled in fear when she saw me. I imagine I must have looked an eerie silhouette in the semi dark – we’d kept the bathroom light switched on. Worse, I was seated on the bed and had removed my nightgown to put on a t-shirt. I could see Nidhi staring at my curvy bits encased in a bright turquoise swimsuit, the golden stripes on it appearing like neon signs because of the reflected light.
I had heard gentle laughter from Roma, and Anjali, my best friend, when I’d picked up this swimsuit. I’d liked that it made them laugh. I liked it better for the way I looked in it. Hot. But now, I wasn’t so sure. In the reflection on the TV, I didn’t have a head but my body looked like a large colourful semiprecious offering one might find nestling next to an Egyptian Mummy in its dingy abode.
“What are you doing?” Nidhi said agitated.
I thought quickly. But nothing came to mind.
“Tell her you woke up listening to her snore,” Dimitri said.
A snort escaped me. “Where do you think you’re going?” Nidhi continued snootily.
That entitled tone. That entitled-to-be-annoyed tone! Entitled-to-know-your-business-even-though-you-are-beneath-me. Who the hell did Nidhi think she was! I let out a little snore. After I counted to ten I hummed and bobbed my head gently.
“Are you awake?” Nidhi asked nervously.
“Depends,” I said in a low voice after almost 30 seconds.
“On what?!”
“On your...” I clucked and cooed for a few seconds. Then I rolled my head round and round slowly and stopped when I felt things spin. It was hard not to laugh. But I felt a frisson of fear – what if Nidhi figured it out.
I could see Nidhi press herself against the bed’s headboard and grip her sheet to her chin.
“Let out a smelly fart, Hon, this is your moment!” Portas said softly.
I started to speak gibberish. Fast and incoherent at first and then slowly, in a baby voice, I recited a stanza of an old poem – Mary Howitt's The Spider and the Fly. Then, I hung my head and let out a few snores. I looked up suddenly and stared coldly at Nidhi. “HEY!” my diaphragm spat out, as loudly as it could. Nidhi jumped off the bed and ran out off the room.
We laughed. Down the hall I could hear Nidhi banging on a door. I quickly put on my nightgown and tucked myself into bed, turning away from the door and toward the fish tank.
Just in time. I heard footsteps and could see reflected in the fish tank a magnificent-looking Ashok, clad only in a pair of tiny shorts, and behind him Eva in a short tutti-frutti strings-holding-it-together affair.
I wanted to vomit. Instead I closed my eyes and concentrated on my breathing. Every eight seconds I let out a deep sigh. After six sighs, I let out a deep groan and turned.
“She’s sleeping,” Ashok said in a whisper.
“She was sleepwalking!” Nidhi said agitated.
“Never seen her do it before,” Eva said.
There was an awkward silence. I imagine Nidhi may have given her sister-in-law a withering look. From the corner of my eye I could see Ashok straighten, put his arm around Eva and pull her close to him.
“Right then,” Ashok said briskly. “She’s fast asleep. Go back to bed now.”
“No! I can’t sleep here with her!” I saw Nidhi flail her arms and point to me.
“Nonsense! You’re exaggerating. She looks so peaceful. Innocent. Come on, into bed. In!”
I felt a hard poke in my back.
“Hey! Stop that, Nidhi!” Eva said angrily.
“Yes. She’s fast asleep and you have no business bothering her or trying to wake her!” Ashok said.
I heard the bedsheet moved about viciously and Nidhi’s body hit her bed. They watched me for an eternity. Ashok and Eva left of our hotel room and closed the door gently. Finally I heard a gentle snore from the other bed.
******
This is a fictional series about some fish, their former owner and her former manservant and, now friend, Genie.
They are on a holiday with her cousin's family and the narrator tries to sneak out of her hotel room under the evil eye of a malevolent relative.
******
I slowed my snoring and groaning. I waited for a while and then changed into my t-shirt.
“Take us with you!” Pervez begged.
There was a similar chorus in the tank. “Sshh!! She’ll wake up!”
“It’s inhuman to leave us here,” Gregory begged.
I hesitated. What the hell. I gently unlocked the wheel and pushed the tank towards the door.
“Aha! I knew you were acting. Where do you think you’re going with the fish?” Nidhi sat up and switched on the bedside lamp.
“Going for a swim, Nidhi. I would have asked you, but I didn’t want it to interfere with your beauty sleep.”
“S-so all that was a charade!”
“All what?”
“The snoring and head rolling and sitting up and barking!”
“Are you okay, Nidhi? You sound hysterical.” I moved towards her and reached out my hand to touch her forehead.
“Get away from me, you!” she swatted away my hand.
“Gladly!” I hurried to the tank and wheeled it out the door. Nidhi swore like a sailor.
“How dare she swear at you!” Dimitri chuckled.
“Nice choice of words too, so befitting a lady,” Portas said.
“What a relief!” Penaaz said.
In the corridor, I saw Roma. She looked at Fish and then at me with her eyebrows raised.
“Taking them out for some air. Plus all that snoring isn't good for their health.” I pushed the tank swiftly in the lift's direction and then stopped. A door at the far end of the corridor opened. Genie, his hair crammed into a ponytail, walked toward us.
“Where are you ladies going?” his eyes twinkled.
“Er, downstairs... for some air,” I mumbled.
He looked at the towels in our hands. “Too late for a swim, don’t you think?”
“Yes. But we avoid the crowds and the prying eyes,” Roma said.
“Some would be worried at that, no?” his dimples deepened.
“Yes. That’s why we’re acting while they're unconscious.”
Genie held Roma's gaze and nodded. He nudged me away from the handles of the fish tank trolley and said, “Lead the way.”
“Wait. What about Arief? Won’t he feel lonesome?” I asked.
“Nope.”
“How can you be sure?” I teased.
“Because he’s not alone.”
“Really?” I wondered which woman was sharing Arief's bed, and had the temerity to do so with another hot guy watching.
“He's got himself to talk to.”
I grabbed Genie's arm to slow his pace. “What does that mean?”
“He sleeptalks. He's been talking about you and Nidhi... for two nights now. Do you wonder why a rapprochement with Eva was so welcome for Ashok,” Genie grinned broadly. “A cold swim won’t kill me. Come on, ladies. If you don’t hurry, the kids may wake and want to find you. Grab your pleasures when you can.”
“Er, we are planning to smoke,” I said.
“Okay.”
“That’s it?” I pressed the button for the lobby.
“Yes. You know what it will do to your bodies.”
I felt irritation creep up. I could see Roma's enthusiasm fizzle out.
“Cut it out, Genie,” a soft voice from the tank said. Dimitri gently bobbed up and down, “They smoke just twice or thrice a year. It’s just that – a rare thrill. Don’t kill it for them – not you of all people.”
“Just saying it’s not healthy,” Genie shrugged, looking at a spot high up on the lift's wall.
“They know.”
We exited the lift. Roma and I went to the pool and slipped in. Our mood had been killed. We waded around, finally feeling the cold of the water we hadn’t felt the last two days. I didn’t understand why Genie had said what he did. He knew us better than anyone else.
“Did you know Nidhi poked me in bed,” I told Roma, shivering in the water.
“Why?”
“She was angry with me for snoring.”
Roma laughed. “You don’t snore.”
“I did it to annoy her.”
“You got what you deserved then.”
We floated for a while and then we heard Genie jump in. I could see Roma look. Genie in speedos was not a recommended sight, especially for married women. Roma leaned back and floated, a glum look on her face.
“We’ve got to get away alone, sometime,” she muttered.
“How are you going to convince the family and everyone else?”
She stayed silent. We listened to Genie cleave powerfully through the water, he was coming closer. I straightened and watched him. He was pushing a plastic floating lounger towards us. When he was six feet or so away he pushed the lounger in our direction. “Enjoy!” he smiled and turned and thrashed away to the other side of the pool.
Roma and I stared at the lounger. There was a metal ashtray in the middle. Nestled in it was a cigarette lighter and the Gudang Garam packet that had been in my pant pocket.
“He's had a change of heart about smoking?” Roma said, her mood immediately lifted.
“No,” I waved at Genie, smiling and giving him a thumbs up with both thumbs. “He just wants us to have our cheap thrills. Quick! Let’s smoke one before someone figures out we're missing.”
"You had a lucky escape," Arief grinned, while passing me a quarter plate. We were seated next to each other on a garden bench in Pretty Villa Hotel, Lonavala. Several plates of piping hot bhajias were making an appearance.
"From what?" I asked. I had made amends with Uncle and was now waiting to stuff myself. I ignored most of the family's cross looks. But I gave evil Nidhi my best and broadest smile every time I saw her gaze rest on me - twice. After that she squeezed between her cousin Georgy and her brother Ashok and ignored me. I was going to celebrate tonight. Maybe with a cigarette. I thought of the packet of Gudang Garam in my underwear pouch.
Arief poked me with his elbow and I started. "Why can't you be friends with her?"
"With whom?"
"Nidhi."
"Who's that?" I mumbled with a mouth full of kanda bhajias. The batata bhajias glistened with the oil they had just been fried in and they were fast disappearing.
"How long have you been fighting?" Arief persisted.
"Who am I fighting with?" I ventured after a long pause.
There was silence. I didn't want to look. I had a chance with a really cute guy and all he was doing was talk about another woman. When I finished chewing, slowly, and silence still prevailed on the left flank, I turned my head to look. Arief was sitting back on the bench, his lips a thin straight line, staring at me. But it was not a cold look. He seemed to be thinking.
"Don't think, Sweetie," I told him in my head. "It doesn't seem a healthy pursuit for you."
I heard laughter from the tank. I turned to see what had set Fish off. They were rolling on the floor of the tank. And Genie was motionless, his body rigid, staring deeply into a bowl of green chutney. Then his moustache quivered slightly. Shit! I'd said that aloud! I turned around to look at Arief. His expression grew stiff, and his eyes bored mine.
"Er. Were you asking about N-Nidhi? She's been cold to me. No idea why. We've moved around in the same circles, were in the same school, have family in common, but she doesn't want to have anything to do with me." I warbled desperately, trying to undo the damage. From across the long table between us, Ashok cocked an eyebrow.
"You've got to give up rubbing people the wrong way," Ashok told me. A small splash of water hit Eva next to him. Though I was mortified at the put down, which I deserved, I tried hard to control my face. Ashok looked up and around and immediately grabbed a paper napkin to wipe his wife's neck. From the corner of my eye I could see Roma and her kids grin.
Suddenly Arief stood up. He walked around the length of the table and stood near Nidhi. People moved to accommodate him on the bench. Her back instantly straightened, a smile radiated from her face and just as quickly my spirits plummeted. Arief refused to look my way and every now and then Nidhi smirked at me.
Suddenly the bhajias felt tasteless. I felt Nobby buzz around me. He tsk-tsked for some time. "Really! Can't you just hang onto a good thing when you see one?!"
I looked at Arief's patrician face, the long nose and long eyelashes. I wanted to get up and run. But we'd already established there were no hotel rooms available in Lonavala, I didn't want to upset my uncle again and my car was not safe to spend the night in. Plus, I was fed up with running and being called a quitter.
I saw a white teacup slide toward me. Genie moved closer and poured out the hot tea into the saucer and gave me the cup. I let Nobby have the first sip.
I could see the relatives stare. I ignored them. But in a minute I choked on my tea. I first sprayed it on the lot in front of me and then coughed hard. Snot and tears streamed from my orifices. Opposite me, Ashok, Eva, Nidhi, Arief and some of the Kurians began to babble and reach for tissues. Someone pounded my back. My nephew Aditya! And Genie pushed a tissue into my face.
"What's the matter with you?" Genie said, mopping the table and trying to stop the spilled tea from falling onto our clothes.
I could only point. Eva looked at where I was pointing and shrieked. She scrambled off the bench and tried to embrace a large shrub. Ashok turned to look at what had frightened her. He moved back in fright and got up quickly. I don't know where it came from, but I laughed.
"Will you stop that!" Genie hissed.
I shook my head and continued to choke, cry and laugh. Roma had often told me that the Kurians and their extended family were namby pambies. One by one, the family hurriedly got up and moved backwards. The massive cockroach stretched and stared at the nearest plate of bhajias on the long garden table. Roma and I stood near it and watched. It strolled forward to the plate of bhajias and reared up to put its front legs on the side of the plate.
Aditya's little hand slowly pulled the plate away a few centimetres. In the background we heard cries, "Kill it! What are you waiting for!" Uncle, a great believer in pest control services, had already disappeared and Aunty and Georgy were ordering Roma to kill the cockroach. Someone flung a newspaper in our direction. The cockroach listened to the commotion and darted toward the plate. Aarav grabbed the plate from the opposite side of the table and pulled it clear.
Aditya looked up at Roma and said, "Mumma, shall I take it and put it some place safe?"
Roma's mother in law immediately screamed, "No! It's dirty! Cheeeee!"
"Don't touch it, Adi!" Georgy shouted, trying to look manly behind his mother. Genie leaned over the table to get a better look at the cockroach.
"Use the newspaper to kill the damn thing!" Ashok shouted.
"How?" Roma asked, a grin on her face. Ashok rushed toward us, grabbed the Hindustan Times from the ground, rolled it into a baton and started pounding the table, with his face turned away and his body about a foot away. It was a wonder he could even reach the table. But there he was, thwacking the life out of the already lifeless bhajias.
Roma, Genie and I held our stomachs and the table and laughed our guts out. We could hear the bewildered children. "Stop, Ashok Uncle, you're scaring the cockroach," Aditya said, concern in his voice. Adi usually picked them up and threw them out of the window.
His big brother Aarav plucked the newspaper from Ashok's hand looked at the oil stains on the newspaper. "Appacha* will be angry at you for hitting food. We'll kill the cockroach if you're so scared of it!"
"I-I'm not scared!" Ashok denied and stumbled backward. There was a long wail from the other side of the table. It sounded like a siren. It was Aditya upset about an impending cockroach killing. Roma slumped on the table, shaking and guffawing, while her husband and in laws screamed at her, imploring her to do something and then scolding her for her undignified conduct. Finally, Aditya plucked the large cockroach off the table and ran off. He disappeared behind some of the bushes in the garden and reappeared in a couple of minutes without the insect.
When I turned around, a number of very angry people glared at us. I saw Nidhi and Arief leave the garden. Ashok glared at me and Roma, while we grinned back at him.
"Who knew you were scared of cockroaches, Ashok," I said.
"I find them disgusting," he blustered. A bark of laughter escaped Roma and her children looked at her suspiciously.
Eva thrust herself into my face, "You let us suffer. You know I'm terrified of them!"
Georgy pushed himself between us, furious at Roma. "You've been letting my children play with dirty insects!"
That got my goat. "On the contrary, Georgy. We've established your boys have more backbone than most of the men in our family. And... they are kind." Despite the dubious genes from their father, my darling boys Aarav and Aditya were going to be fine.
"Want to go for a swim?" I asked them. The water was bound to be cold, but what the heck. We'd jump in and then figure things out. They ran for their trunks and I for my swimsuit. I stood at the top of the stairs and wiggled my fingers at Roma to follow me. Georgy was scolding her, but her eyes were on me. She grinned and walked past the angry relatives, running up two steps at a time.
******
This is a fictional series about a group of Fish, their former owner and her former manservant Genie. Fish and Genie have returned from their travels to live with the narrator for a few months and in this episode they are all on vacation with her relatives.
Tempers fray and unexpected guests cause complications.
******
We were floating in the swimming pool, enjoying the sun on our fronts and the cold water against our backs. There had been several angry summons from various family members, but none had tried to venture into the pool to pull us out. None knew how to swim. And Roma, the boys and I hadn't budged in a long time. In between, Genie joined us and then left.
"You know..."
"What?" Roma said.
"I think I'll be banned for life from any of your family outings," I told Roma.
Roma laughed. "Probably. But they can't do a thing even if you do turn up. They can't be rude to you, that will annoy Daddy... and Genie... and Fish." She laughed once more. "I think you should come again. It will shake things up. And," she suddenly waded toward me, "let's get Arief, Genie and Nidhi too. My holiday has never been so much fun!"
I stayed silent. I had no wish to repeat this horrible experience. We held hands and floated. A shadow fell on us. I opened an eye, our cousin Eva was looking at us uncertainly. "May I join you?"
"Hurry!" I said. She disappeared to get her suit. "Don't look now, Roma," I murmured, "Darth Vader Nidhi is watching us."
"I know," Roma said her eyes closed. "She can't get enough of you." She sighed and straightened. She swam to the side of the pool where Nidhi, Arief, Ashok and Georgy were seated. Georgy still looked angry.
"Want to join us in the pool?" Roma smiled.
Arief took off his clothes and slipped in. "I don't know how to swim," Georgy bleated, feeling more left out now that Arief was in the pool.
I heard a mild swear word from under Roma's breath. "Jump in, Babe, I'll teach you. Just go wear your trunks."
"Yes, Daddy," the boys said enthusiastically.
"I don't have trunks," Georgy said, mutinously. His kids waded off and began to toss a ball.
Roma swam back to me. "Want to do laps? What say we come back at night. We can swim in the dark and maybe smoke."
"Georgy?"
"He'll be dead to the world. Come on, 10 laps." And she was off thrashing the water like the former state champion swimmer she was.
******
* Grandfather
I lay awake on my bed listening to Genie move about.
I didn’t get him. I didn't know what he did. How he survived. Fish and Genie had expressed no plan, so far, to leave. It made me happy and stressed me out – I didn’t want them to go.
I sat up. Genie had told me not to come into the kitchen. That he'd be working.
“Doing what?” I asked.
“Working.”
I changed tack. “Can I help?”
He hesitated, looking at me carefully. Then he smiled and shook his head. I hung around as late as I could and finally Genie ordered me to go to bed. Somewhere things had changed between us. He was no longer my parents’ Man Friday, or took orders from me – we had become equals.
I hung around my bedroom door, trying to listen. Nothing. Finally I lay in bed and thought of my ex, my parents, my job, bad things... and then, I had that recurring thought I always did. I envied no one. I had no sadness except the gaping hole that represented my parents. I had a cousin and some friends who loved me dearly and I was slowly making myself whole.
I stood at the window and watched the neighbours. Some were awake. Two of the neighbours were having an affair. I hadn’t realised until Aunty Glory told me. One neighbour's husband travelled on work often and the other's wife worked night shifts at a BPO.
“How does it work, Aunty Glory – they’ve both got kids,” I asked. We were sitting in Aunty's sitting room, watching one of the parties in question.
“I don’t know, my dear. Maybe they lock the door.”
“Or meet somewhere else?”
“The high isn’t going to last long.”
“We can’t know that, Aunty. Do you think the spouses get signals?”
“Signals, my dear?”
“I mean, that something's wrong. That their better halves are not as good as they should be.”
“Not everyone's the way your ex is!”
“Um... that’s not what I meant.”
“That is what you meant. Marriages are difficult. Sometimes great. Sometimes awful. Sometimes equal parts nonsense and adventure, goodness and wickedness. You can’t say. But everyone wings it.”
I didn’t believe her. I believed in soulmates. Like when she swore like a sailor at Uncle John and he blew her a kiss and tried to kiss her. He bought her cigarettes, even though he was allergic to tobacco. She looked at him, a scrawny, stunted man, like he was the sexiest man in the world. And he never stopped staring at her, his eyes always shining with love.
“They’re both on drugs,” my cousin Roma told me once.
“Yeah,” said Anjali, my best friend. She passed the binoculars and half-smoked Gudang Garam cigarette to Roma. We were in my sitting room, the curtains mostly closed but slightly parted for us to spy on our neighbours. This was a rare reunion. My parents were out of town, Roma had a break from her family and Anjali was visiting. And my parents’ neighbours were more exciting than theirs.
We were spying on the actor who had moved into our society, temporarily – according to the watchman. The actor was living in with a famous older model and they were fast attracting attention for their furious fights.
In the day they had been at my home, Roma and Anjali had only watched the actor and Genie. We hadn’t had much luck otherwise.
“You should spike the drinking water here with LSD. Or something hallucinatory. Would Benadryl work? We’d need several truckloads for just one wing of this society. Maybe Genie can help us with something stronger,” Anjali said. We looked at Genie.
He grinned. My cousin and my best friend had improved Genie's mood vastly. He was mostly smiling, flirting with them and driving us about everywhere. Of course, I had to thrash out the business of ciggies and booze with him. I didn’t want him to expose my evil habits to my parents. His presence complicated things.
“You’re asking me for permission to smoke cigarettes and drink alcohol?” Genie's eyes gleamed.
“Er, no.”
“What are you asking me to do?”
“Not to tell my parents that we're drinking or smoking.”
“Is that wise?”
“What they don’t know can’t hurt.”
“Are you sure?”
“Are you going to tell them, Genie?” I felt exasperated by this roundabout conversation... and his unwillingness to fall in with my plan.
“No. But I won’t lie to them if they ask,” Genie grinned.
I was terribly annoyed, and had an amused audience behind me – Roma, Anjali and Fish. I could hear snickering from the tank. Idiots!
Roma and Anjali had told me not bother, but they were leaving once my parents returned and, heck, I had to live here. I wanted all my loose ends tied. Clearly Genie would never do anything he didn’t want to... even as a favour!
We realised that we were having no luck. So Roma and I went to bed. Anjali held back to keep watch through the curtains, but I had a strong feeling she wanted to chat with Genie.
******
This is a fictional series about the narrator, her former manservant and now friend, Genie, and five opinionated fish. The narrator is reliving old memories. She helps her cousin spy on a new neighbour, with unexpected results.
******
I gasped in fear. Someone had grabbed my nightgown's collar and was trying to pull me off the bed. I kicked hard.
“Owww! What did you do that for!” Anjali was saying angrily. “Get up! There’s solid action happening out front!”
I could see Roma running out of the bedroom door. I sprinted.
Genie was wide awake, almost naked and at the sitting room windows too. Our building complex was still shrouded in darkness, except for the weak light from the tubelights screwed into the sides of each building and the few streetlights. There were lights slowly being switched on in some flats and people were opening either their windows or balcony doors to see.
But it was no fun looking at Genie. I could see the women of the society gesturing to each other to look at him. He was only wearing a pair of loose shorts and, I imagine, from where the women of Peaceful Society stood, he may have appeared naked.
It was probably the heat that made him go shirtless at night. Ouch!
“What the f...?” I glared at Roma.
“Look, baby. Look!”
The actor Arushmaan Verma was standing in his balcony, leaning against the door, trying to keep it shut and screaming for help.
He seemed to be bleeding from the temple. Only, no one was rushing to his aid.
I ran to my door and began to unlock it. The ladies followed me. But Genie's hands held mine tightly, making me stop.
“What do you think you’re doing?” he asked me.
“Going out there.” I could feel my adrenaline disappearing down a hole. “He needs our help!”
“I’ll go.”
“Bullshit. You were staring at him, not doing anything!”
“Get my t-shirt” he pointed at the chair near his bed.
“You get it yourself!”
He opened his mouth to say something more, but he was interrupted by a blood curdling scream. The three of us pushed Genie out of the way and ran down the stairs, into the courtyard, into building C and rushed up the stairs to the second floor to flat 206. Of course all of us knew which flat Arushmaan lived in!
The neighbours were standing behind their doors or peeping through their security doors.
We walked slowly, nervously, to the Verma flat. The door was closed. We were stupid for sure. I saw Shahbaz Pasha's mother. “Give me Shahbaz's cricket bat.”
“Give me your rolling pin,” Roma said.
“Give me a chair,” Anjali said.
A minute later, Mr Pasha threw everything out and closed the security door quickly. I could hear the lock turn.
Genie overtook us and was at the Verma door. “Stay in the corridor,” he ordered us.
We stood behind him and he rang the bell. After a few minutes, he rang the bell again, pressing the button for an eternity. We heard swearing from inside, and he pushed us back. The door opened and an overweight older man leered at us. Genie moved in front of us and asked for Arushmaan.
The man straightened, swore at Genie and moved into the flat, kicking the door shut. But before it could lock, Genie put his foot into the doorway and held onto the door.
The man didn’t notice what had happened and was already on his way to an armchair in front of the TV.
He looked irritated, but in a second all our attention was on the two people sitting on the sofas. They - the model and another woman - had passed out.
The man, who unknowingly let us in, was now sitting in the armchair in front of the TV, with the volume on full blast. We waited for him to turn and see us. A shattered bottle, and some blood, was on the ground. From a side room we could still hear Arushmaan screaming.
Genie went to the man near the TV. He didn’t turn. His head tipped forward – the man was falling asleep!
Genie stepped into the bedroom and knocked on the balcony door. “It’s Genie here, from building A. You want to come out?”
“He’s still screaming. Let me talk to him,” I said, pushing Genie out of the way and not succeeding. He stepped away from the door.
I banged the door with my fist, “Arushmaan, I’m your neighbour. You’re safe now.” I tried to pull open the door, but Arushmaan was still holding on to it, keeping it shut and crying.
After a while, his hold slackened and the door opened. He saw me and started coming into the bedroom, but stumbled on the doorstep and fell on me. Genie quickly pulled him off and dragged him to the sitting room, where he proceeded to scream again when he saw the others.
He quietened as soon as he saw Roma come in through the front door. She crouched near him and told him everything was going to be fine. The other man was still sleeping, his beer bottle balanced precariously in his lap.
Anjali pushed a chair near the actor and started tending to his wound. She had managed to get a First Aid kit. “You’ll need to get this checked. It's deep and may need stitches. Shall we take you to a hospital?”
Arushmaan shook his head. Genie stood in front of him, “We need to go to the hospital, boss.” But there was another commotion and Genie made way for a police constable. Now, many neighbours were crowding the doorway.
We hung around for a bit, only because we were ordered to by the police. Towards sunrise, they let us go.
******
Who could sleep after that tamasha.
We had endless cups of tea, each of us taking turns to make it. When Genie protested our tea-making, Roma brushed him off and said, “We’re partners in crime. Take the day off. Enjoy our company.
“What do you think it was all about?” I asked no one in particular.
“They're on drugs,” Roma said. We laughed.
Roma shrugged, stretched out on the floor, her arms supporting her head, dreaming. Every now and then she rose slightly and turned to take a sip of her tea.
That glassy look – she was in a good place.
“What are you thinking about, Roma?” Anjali put my thoughts into words.
Roma took a deep breath and smiled. She stared at the ceiling and said slowly. “For a long time, I though Arushmaan Verma was the hottest man in the East.”
We laughed, but Roma sighed and continued to stare at the ceiling.
“And?” Anjali prodded.
“And even though I married, Arushmaan was the man that crept into my dreams.”
“Join the club.”
“But...”
“But?”
Roma turned onto her side and propped herself up on one arm, her eyes moving to Genie.
“Just so it’s clear, Genie, I hope what I say doesn’t offend you or sound condescending. I’m going to shoot my mouth off.”
Genie blinked quickly, “Okay.”
“Yesterday, I hated what I saw. Arushmaan was cute, but if I have to holler and swear at my sexy man toy from another balcony and see him crying and snot coming out of his nose – he’s going to fall off a very tall pedestal fast!”
We laughed.
“It's not Aunty Glory that’s on drugs,” Roma continued. “Those buggers in C-206 were up to their eyeballs in some serious shit. I don't know how Arushmaan got hurt, but that relationship is in deep trouble.”
We were quiet for a long time.
“Is he off your list of hotties, Roma?” Genie asked. He grinned when we looked at him in shock.
“Yes.”
“For good?”
“Like a nightmare I want to dream about,” Roma said.
Genie laughed and stood up. “Excuse me, ladies. I need to have a bath.”
We watched Genie walk away. He was still in the same blue shorts and grey sleeveless t-shirt he was wearing when we charged into C-206. He had the good sense to slip it on before leaving our flat.
“Really, Roma? Is Arushmaan finally off your list of dream men?” Anjali asked. He had been Roma's crush since he’d surfaced in TV commercials many years ago.
I was curious too. Roma had insisted we catch up and try and meet Arushmaan. But he had fobbed us off rudely two days ago.
I had wondered why we needed to spy on him, but he was the only interesting soul in our colony. Actually, scrap that. That was not true. There was Zeba, the married lovers, Glory and John Gonsalves, Mr Duggal, etc, etc.
“Must be all the tea...” Roma stared at the ceiling, smiling.
“What is?” I asked.
“I could get used to it,” Roma murmured.
“For goodness sake, what?” Anjali growled.
“Get used to a sexy, hot guy like Genie, tending to my every need. And not a grumpy moment. The last two days – bliss! After a while, I found myself watching Genie. I can’t blame the women in this society – even Aunty Glory loves him madly.”
We heard a vessel topple in the kitchen and all three of us straightened. I could feel my heart in my throat.
I looked at Roma. Shit. What if Genie heard.
We sat still, listening for a sound. Fish watched us, but offered no opinions.
Several minutes later, I went into the kitchen. I saw a thermos, with three cups next to it, on the platform, pieces of cake arranged on a plate on a tray, along with cut fruit in a container and three forks beside it.
I stood still. I could hear Genie taking a shower. I listened for several minutes. When he turned off the shower, I hurriedly put the cups on the tray, shoved the thermos under my armpit, grabbed the tray and jogged into the sitting room.
There was not a chance I wanted to know if he had heard Roma or not.
Good riddance to sexy, unrelatable toy boys. As long as Genie kept his mouth shut and didn’t tell my parents about our midnight adventure, we were good.
******
