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| Photo: A. Peter |
The phone rang. Fish.
“Are you going to take the call?” Danny asked.
To those who don’t know, Danny was invited to Joy Uncle’s home to meet me. Except I didn’t know. To escape my relatives (FC54), I got him into my car and drove off (FC55). Now, I was on my way back and dreading the drama.
Though I was attracted to Danny, I was a mess. At the beach he had asked pointed questions and my answers seemed feeble. I drove slowly and wondered how I would make this man understand my crazy household without judging me. How would I explain Genie. How was I going to explain Fish and my need to talk to them all the time. Genie had wheeled their tank into a corner and Joy Uncle had been annoyed.
“Do you want me to pick it up? Is that the name of a man or woman?” Danny said looking at the name flashing across the screen. After a long pause, Danny said, “Just curious.”
“It’s a friend. No need to pick up the phone.”
But the phone wouldn’t stop ringing and finally Danny answered it. “Hello… Hello… Hello, is anyone there?”
I tried not to smile, I had heard a babble in the couple of seconds Danny swiped to answer and put the phone to his ear. He had heard the noises too and looked puzzled when no one spoke.
He switched it off and put my phone on the dashboard. It started ringing again. He answered again and there was silence. He stared at the screen and then looked at me and I smiled involuntarily. “I think the person isn’t going to talk to me.”
I nodded, smiling.
“Who’s Fish?”
I shook my head and concentrated on the road.
“A boyfriend?”
“No.”
“A colleague… an ex colleague?”
“No.”
“A lady friend with an unfortunate name?”
I laughed. “No. Sorry, just a friend.”
“Why didn’t he talk to me?”
I frowned. Just like a man to misunderstand… to assume it was a man. But the ‘men’ in my fish tank outnumbered the lady – four to one. “I don’t know. Very shy. Don’t like strangers.”
“Is he a relative?”
“Yes... a very close one.”
“Oh. Family know him then.”
“In a manner of speaking.”
“What manner is that?”
“Er, the family won’t speak about him because he’s had issues… and has multiple personalities – he thinks he’s several people. It’s really complicated. Please don’t tell anyone. The family gets upset when I talk to Fish.” Technically all true. Everyone got upset when I talked to Fish. The family thought I had mental health challenges because I spoke to Fish and they had names. And no one, except for Genie, Anjali and my cousin Roma, knew how frequently we spoke. Plus, Fish were all full of personality.
“Righttt. Is Fish at your Uncle’s place?”
“Yes. I mean, no. You’ll probably see… him… but not notice. No one talks about him. He’s a dirty secret.”
“What’s his real name?” Danny said, after staring at the speeding and slowing trees from his window. I tried to weave in and out of traffic. I had got a call from Elsa Aunty, reminding me to come home. By her nervous tone I knew Joy Uncle was working himself into a rage. I dearly hoped Rajiv and Beasty would bear its brunt.
“Oh… don’t really know. Fish became his pet name.”
“That’s strange. Close family would know each other’s names.”
“Yes. But I call many of my cousins by their pet names, and don’t know their Christian names…”
“Hmmm.”
“What do you do, Danny?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, where do you work and live, etc, etc. Do you have kids?”
“Aha. Finally! You’ve started asking the questions you were supposed to ask.”
“I don’t think you asked me those questions.”
“I did, but you shut me down. Plus, you didn’t give me specifics.”
“Like?”
“Kids? Etc.”
“Beasty Aunty didn’t tell you?”
I heard a chuckle. “Do you mean Betsy Aunty? Beauty’s mom did.” Mercy Aunty was my cousin Rajiv’s mother-in-law.
“Basically, you know everything about me and I know nothing about you.”
Danny nodded, not ashamed at the inequity of the situation. “Yes. I know you’ve been divorced a few years. No kids. You have, or had, a job, and you live by yourself.”
“Bravo. Now your turn.”
“I’m divorced. No kids. I have a job in Chennai, but I have moved around.”
“Didn’t you want kids?”
“I was married only about a year.”
“Oh?”
We were silent for a while, until I asked, “Why did it end so quickly?”
“I found out she was in love with someone, but was forced into a marriage with me.”
“So… you divorced her for being in love with someone before you?”
“No. We were emotionally distant. Plus I was in the US, and I couldn’t take her with me immediately. And…”
“And?”
“And she couldn’t get along with my parents.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. My in-laws had hated me, they had made my life a living hell, but I had stuck it out. Our marriage had still unravelled.
“Er, that’s grounds for a divorce? Wouldn’t things have improved once she’d got to the US?”
“Perhaps.”
“Perhaps?”
“Yes. If she’d been able to forget him. But she couldn’t.”
“How do you know?”
“She told me.”
It sounded like bullshit to me. “Er, and then what?”
“Nothing. We agreed to part.”
I had no words because it sounded complicated. But what could a divorcĂ© really say about divorce that sounded positive. It sounded bad any which way you approached it – you were a born failure for not sticking it out. My phone rang again.
“I think you should pick up the phone,” Danny said.
“Why?”
“Maybe Fish wants something urgently.”
“I doubt it.”
“You said he was very delicate.”
“I did?”
“Yes.”
“Right. I’ll talk to them when I get back.”
“Him.”
“Him who?”
“Fish!”
“Oh.” I finally remembered I had squeezed all five of my darlings into one disturbed individual.
Danny grabbed my phone, pressed the green answer button and pushed the phone into my ear. “Hello, Fish, I’ll talk to you at home.”
“What’s wrong with right now?” Penaaz demanded.
“Is he any good?” Portas said.
“Genie’s gone,” Dimitri said mournfully. “He didn’t say anything before he left.”
“He won’t pick up his phone. Why is that yob picking up yours?” Pervez said.
“He’s not a yob,” I defended Danny weakly, afraid he would hear Fish’s side of the conversation. “Where are you calling from? The sitting room?” I hoped they wouldn’t draw attention to themselves at Uncle’s place. Fish talking on a phone in a fish tank would instantly attract the wrong kind of attention.
“We’re hiding behind the shrubs. When are you back? Uncle and Beasty look chuffed with the state of affairs. Everyone was happy to hear you took Danny away in your car. Looks like they have a wedding all planned out. Are they on the right track, my dear?” Gregory, the smartest fish in the tank, asked.
I glanced at Danny, who was watching me. “Er, I don’t know. I’ll talk to you when I return.”
“Is it too early to say?”
“Yes.”
“Then you didn’t like him.”
“I can’t really say.”
“Never mind. Avoid the pot holes, you don’t want him to call you a woman driver.” Gregory ended the call despite the protests in the background.
******
This is a fictional series about the narrator, her parents’ former man Friday Genie and her former pet fish. They have followed her to her uncle’s home to find that she has been ambushed by a potential suitor - a play sneakily set up by her uncle Joy.
Only matters come to a head when she is questioned about Genie.
******
I rang the doorbell nervously.
“Well, well, well, the prodigal daughter returns,” Rajiv opened the door wide.
I groaned. There was a large silent audience staring at us. Everyone looked like they were ready to burst.
Aunty waved us all towards the dining table. Danny washed his hands and immediately sat next to Anjali. Beauty pushed me into the chair beside him. I usually helped to serve, eating with my cousins later, but today Roma and her sister-in-law Beauty were serving and the elders and Danny’s parents sat at the table with us.
It was uncomfortable because Danny’s parents and my great uncle and aunt kept smiling at us. I remembered the day I met my ex. It had been more promising and the mood very light when we had had our chat. I had smiled and blushed. I was not blushing now. If anything, I was leery of any sort of commitment.
But it was what Danny started asking Anjali that had me breathless. He asked her what she did. “Oh, a writer. Does it pay?”
“Yes. So far.”
“Where do you live?”
“Near Almora. I’ve rented a place there.”
“So how come you’re in Mumbai?”
“I have work with my publishers. Plus I wanted to spend more time with her,” she gestured at me, “after Amritsar.”
“Amritsar?”
“Yes. We were there about a week ago.”
“Your husband too?”
“Husband?” Anjali watched me choke on my cutlet. Roma slapped my back hard – with unnecessary anger, I thought.
“Yes. The fair man with the long hair… Genie? Where is he?”
“He’s not my husband… and he seems to have gone home.”
“But she said…” Danny’s thumb pointed in my direction. There was a killer silence forming and my relatives had stopped eating.
“I assure you, Genie is not my husband,” Anjali said, mulish in her denial. I should have remembered Anjali would never lie for me. Only I never thought Danny would ask.
“He’s your boyfriend?”
“If it gives you a thrill. Sure, why not,” Anjali smiled, her dimples dancing, and now for the first time enjoying herself amidst these difficult people.
“Who told you Genie is Anjali’s husband?” Beasty Aunty demanded, a small bit of chicken shooting out of her mouth. Danny moved his head to avoid it.
“She did,” Danny pointed at me again.
“He’s her servant,” Rajiv said from the other end of the table.
“Not a servant,” Anjali shook her head emphatically.
“Genie Uncle is staying in Aunty’s house,” Aditya, Roma’s little son, said helpfully into the silence.
“Which Aunty?” Danny smiled at Aditya.
Aditya pointed at me.
A commotion broke out – Joy Uncle and Beasty Aunty talking loudly at the same time, Danny’s parents looking disturbed and talking to themselves and then turning to Elsa Aunty.
“Silence!” Joy Uncle shouted and then turned to me, “Explain yourself, child!”
“Sorry, I-I couldn’t figure out how to explain Genie…” I said, trying to hold Danny’s gaze. Anjali looked at me, the question in her eyes. Why did you say such a dumb thing?
“Genie… used to work for my parents. He was like a man Friday. He lived with us,” I babbled.
“Highly unusual, don’t you think? People would put a different twist to it… now that your parents aren’t around,” Rajiv smirked.
“Like the twisted way you are,” Anjali bristled. “Just any which way it can sound dirty.”
“It reeks of dirty without having to say it!”
“Shut up, you two! You!” Joy Uncle turned to me. “How long is Genie staying?”
“I-I don’t know.”
“Well tell him to leave. It’s been long enough!”
“How long exactly?” Beasty asked.
“None of your business,” someone muttered.
“Who said that! How rude! Show your OUCH!” Beasty swatted her face and hit her nose hard. “OUCCHH! You have mosquitos here. Kill them! Kill them!”
“NO!” The tank lid flew open, hit the wall behind it and slammed shut again. Bubbles filled the tank, a low angry roar coming from the tank and I heard some choice swear words.
I stood up. Nobby! I could see my sweet darling mosquito and a couple of his friends biting Rajiv, Beasty and Joy Uncle with a vengeance.
Samir, Rajiv’s son, came running with a large electric fly swatter. “No, Samir, no! Give me that.” I pulled it out of his hands. Rajiv stood up and grabbed the bat from behind me, viciously pinning me against him in a most unpleasant way. “Let me go, you asshole!”
He shouted in my ear, “What is this business with the mosquitos! You never kill them, they are always in your house and they never seem to bite you!”
I tried to jab my elbow into Rajiv, but he was stronger and enjoying the uneven fight.
“Stop it, stop it!” Aarav and his mother tried to push his uncle away. I heard chairs skidding back and suddenly Rajiv yowled in pain and my neck was free of his vicious grip. I fell into Baby Uncle’s arms and we lost our balance and we fell against Joy Uncle, who gave us a mighty shove backwards.
“You idiot!” Joy Uncle shouted at me. He looked up behind me and closed his mouth slowly. Danny had a tight hold of Rajiv and towered over him. His eyes bored into mine. Rajiv and Anjali were looking daggers at each other standing next to Danny.
I shrank from the coldness of Danny’s look. I moved closer to Baby Uncle. “There’s nothing between Genie and me. We’re friends. He’s staying with me while he sorts out his business.”
“What business?” Joy Uncle asked. It was a strange, calm tone. Anjali looked at me. She had noticed it too. Uncle had wanted this all along. It was a brutal way to confront me. I felt pity for Genie.
“His business. H-his many businesses. If my friends want to stay with me, I’m not going to stop them.”
“Why him?” the question was from Danny. “Don’t you know how it looks.”
I opened my mouth trying to think. “I can’t explain it in an acceptable way to you. He was there when my parents and I needed him the most.”
“Was he the reason your marriage ended?”
“No.”
“Is he going to move out soon?”
My eyes darted to Anjali. “I can’t say… I haven’t asked him.”
“That has to be an extraordinarily useless answer! Full of anything you want to make it,” Rajiv said spitefully.
“Goat,” someone said.
“Who said that!” Joy Uncle shouted, upset at the spate of insults directed at his favourite child.
“You’ll never know.”
“Show yourself!”
“Shut up!”
Uncle screamed in rage, a maniacal sound, and turned around, his fury fizzling out quickly when he saw his grandchildren clinging to their mothers and the blank disturbed looks all around him. Elsa Aunty pulled timidly at his arm, softly begging him to stop. Anjali was now in front of me, pushing off Baby Uncle’s arms and putting hers around me and hugging me tightly. I felt so grateful someone was there for me. I looked at Danny and felt unnerved. His face was angry. Would he ever believe me?
Beauty cleared her throat, “Let’s all sit down… and… finish the meal. Mummy and…” Beauty’s head tipped in my direction, “went to a lot of effort to… cook it.”
No one moved. Beauty glared at her husband Rajiv. But it was Baby Uncle who began to push his wife towards her chair and showed Danny’s parents back to theirs. Danny moved to his chair and Anjali and I followed.
The rest of the meal was eaten in silence.
******
