“Who is calling you, Genie? Why don't you pick up the damn phone?”
He looked at the screen with distaste and lobbed the phone at me. I scrambled to catch it and switched it on angrily.
Too late. I stared at Genie in shock. He was sitting on the floor, stretched out, his back against a wall, his long legs in front of him and a broad smile was forming.
“W-w-what, Zeba? What was that?” She had never spoken to me in such honeyed tones. What did I do to deserve it.
“You! You!” she choked.
“Who did you think it was? Genie?” I winked at Fish. Just before Ms Z called, Genie and I had been watching Fish and Donny swim in the tub. Now they were hanging on to its rim, all ears. Or gills. Or whatever.
“What are you doing with his phone?” Zeba demanded.
“He gave it to me.”
There was silence, a shrill groan of some sort and then, like molasses, “Where is he, darling?”
“Travelling, I think.”
“You think? Where?!”
“Genie told me not to tell. He said there were strange people calling him.”
“Does he have your phone?”
“No.”
“How are you contacting him?”
“I’m not.”
“Rubbish! You two are joined at the hips!”
“I assure you we are not. Mobility would be an issue. You want me to pass on a message?”
My laughing Genie suddenly sat up straight and glared. He made slicing movements against his throat with his index finger. Hah! Like I was scared.
“He's talking about himself, you dope,” Gregory said scornfully.
“That means you know where he is!” Zeba continued angrily from Peaceful Society, Mumbai. India right now was not far enough for me.
“Yes. He's gone to Greenland... to meditate...”
“That's utter crap!”
“... something about perpetual darkness and beautiful ice maidens dancing under the Northern Lights. He sounded off. Too much meditation or the cold getting to his head maybe.”
I heard a scream and then the line got cut.
“Well?” I smiled at Genie. “What do you think?”
“The true test will be whether Zebby comes back for more.”
******
******
We were having tea with Genie's friends on the terrace of our service apartment in Phnom Penh, Cambodia, when his phone interrupted the camaraderie resulting from a beautiful sunset, snacks and tea-induced gup-shup.
Genie silenced his phone and slipped it back into his pocket. It rang several times more, eventually silencing us all. Genie switched it on but didn’t talk. He listened for a few minutes and his mouth tightened. He cut the call.
He did this several times and then caught sight of me looking at him. A faint smile appeared on his mouth. The phone rang again.
“Your turn, darling.” He slid his phone on the table towards me.
I took the phone reluctantly, involuntarily remembering Zeba's last call. I stared at the number on the phone's screen. It said Peaceful Lech – Genie's moniker for Mr Duggal, Peaceful Society's Committee Secretary. Zeba was Peaceful Witch. Strangely, in this respect, Genie and I were similar. Zeba was simply Bitch on my phone list and Duggal SickSexPest.
“Hello?” I said nervously. I absolutely hated this Peaceful Society man with his many complaints.
“Where are you?” Mr Duggal demanded.
“Why?”
“It's important the committee knows!”
“Why?”
“Because... because... because it is best practice!”
“For what?”
“You don’t have a family. We need to know if something happens to you.”
It was too funny.
“Why are you laughing! I tried your number, it’s switched off. Then I tried Genie's number and after many tries you picked up! Are you on a holiday together?”
That question again. He might have said ‘are you having an affair’ with him. Dirty-minded pig.
I said, “Last year when Mr Roy died in his flat, we didn't know for more than a month. And only because the kachdawali raised a stink about the smell from his doorway. No pun intended.”
I heard sputtering noises. “Besides,” I continued, “This invasive practice of knowing members' travel plans has to be made a Society regulation and not turned into a means for the Society’s committee to harass single members!”
“But, but, but, it’s for your own good!”
“How?”
“Er...”
“No problem, Mr Duggal, next time I’ll inform your wife of my whereabouts.” Mrs Duggal was a suspicious, jealous woman who hated all the single women and any beautiful woman in Peaceful Society or even outside its walls. I suspect she turned that way because of her spouse's extraordinary ability to swivel his head 360 degrees at the sight of the opposite sex.
“No. No. Noooo. No. No need!” he almost shouted.
“I think I’d trust Mrs Duggal with that information. I’d be sure it wasn’t shared, that I wouldn't be the butt of a joke by some dirty old men. Plus she’d probably look out for me better.”
I could hear an argument in the background. Several phone buttons got pushed and the line got disconnected. It had sounded like people arguing in the background and a scuffle for the phone.
The Peaceful Lech called immediately. I took my time answering it. I counted nine rings and finally picked up.
“Where is Genie? Where have the two of you disappeared to!” Zeba said aggressively.
Shit. It was all Zeba's doing. And I was nonplussed. Why the interest? But apparently I stayed too quiet for too long because suddenly she screamed, “Are you there? What are you doing with Genie?”
I stayed quiet until I mastered my emotions. I had to think of our friends too.
“Right now?” I asked unnecessarily.
“YES!”
“Are you sure you want to know? What did you say, Zeba? Really? It sounded like a cuss word. I don’t think you'll be able to handle what you hear.”
“Are you with Genie?!”
“You saw us leave home together. In any case why should it matter? In soul and spirit we are,” I heard giggles and a snort. I couldn’t look at the others. I needed to do this straightfaced. “Where his body goes, my soul wafts along. When he meditates, my mind immediately scouts for comfortable spots on Mount Kailash...”
“Shut up!”
“Aiyyo, Zeba, don’t be like this. I told you he’s left me his phone because mine doesn’t work. Plus meditation is required without phones. And where he is, he needn’t bother with connectivity.”
“Er, where’s that,” Zeba asked hopefully.
“He said he wanted peace...”
“Yes, he likes his solit...”
“... nirvana...”
“Yes, yes...”
“... no drama...”
“Whe...”
“... some place without me.”
“Where would that be?”
“At home. Reading the newspaper in peace, I imagine.”
I gently disconnected the call and put Peaceful Lech and Peaceful Witch’s phone numbers on Genie's auto-reject list.
I grinned at Genie and handed him his phone. “Buys you time until you come face to face with Lech and Witch. By the way, nice names both. Suits them brilliantly.”
He looked at the screen with distaste and lobbed the phone at me. I scrambled to catch it and switched it on angrily.
Too late. I stared at Genie in shock. He was sitting on the floor, stretched out, his back against a wall, his long legs in front of him and a broad smile was forming.
“W-w-what, Zeba? What was that?” She had never spoken to me in such honeyed tones. What did I do to deserve it.
“You! You!” she choked.
“Who did you think it was? Genie?” I winked at Fish. Just before Ms Z called, Genie and I had been watching Fish and Donny swim in the tub. Now they were hanging on to its rim, all ears. Or gills. Or whatever.
“What are you doing with his phone?” Zeba demanded.
“He gave it to me.”
There was silence, a shrill groan of some sort and then, like molasses, “Where is he, darling?”
“Travelling, I think.”
“You think? Where?!”
“Genie told me not to tell. He said there were strange people calling him.”
“Does he have your phone?”
“No.”
“How are you contacting him?”
“I’m not.”
“Rubbish! You two are joined at the hips!”
“I assure you we are not. Mobility would be an issue. You want me to pass on a message?”
My laughing Genie suddenly sat up straight and glared. He made slicing movements against his throat with his index finger. Hah! Like I was scared.
“He's talking about himself, you dope,” Gregory said scornfully.
“That means you know where he is!” Zeba continued angrily from Peaceful Society, Mumbai. India right now was not far enough for me.
“Yes. He's gone to Greenland... to meditate...”
“That's utter crap!”
“... something about perpetual darkness and beautiful ice maidens dancing under the Northern Lights. He sounded off. Too much meditation or the cold getting to his head maybe.”
I heard a scream and then the line got cut.
“Well?” I smiled at Genie. “What do you think?”
“The true test will be whether Zebby comes back for more.”
******
This is a fictional series surrounding the narrator, a divorcée who lives in the distant suburbs of Mumbai, Genie, her ex manservant, a former underworld don turned world traveller, and a school of vocal, irascible fish. They are currently travelling around Cambodia but have been tracked down by a neighbour, Zeba Bobby, who is nursing a huge crush on Genie.
******
We were having tea with Genie's friends on the terrace of our service apartment in Phnom Penh, Cambodia, when his phone interrupted the camaraderie resulting from a beautiful sunset, snacks and tea-induced gup-shup.
Genie silenced his phone and slipped it back into his pocket. It rang several times more, eventually silencing us all. Genie switched it on but didn’t talk. He listened for a few minutes and his mouth tightened. He cut the call.
 |
| Sunset, friends, tea, snacks and gup-shup. (Photos: A. Peter) |
He did this several times and then caught sight of me looking at him. A faint smile appeared on his mouth. The phone rang again.
“Your turn, darling.” He slid his phone on the table towards me.
I took the phone reluctantly, involuntarily remembering Zeba's last call. I stared at the number on the phone's screen. It said Peaceful Lech – Genie's moniker for Mr Duggal, Peaceful Society's Committee Secretary. Zeba was Peaceful Witch. Strangely, in this respect, Genie and I were similar. Zeba was simply Bitch on my phone list and Duggal SickSexPest.
“Hello?” I said nervously. I absolutely hated this Peaceful Society man with his many complaints.
“Where are you?” Mr Duggal demanded.
“Why?”
“It's important the committee knows!”
“Why?”
“Because... because... because it is best practice!”
“For what?”
“You don’t have a family. We need to know if something happens to you.”
It was too funny.
“Why are you laughing! I tried your number, it’s switched off. Then I tried Genie's number and after many tries you picked up! Are you on a holiday together?”
That question again. He might have said ‘are you having an affair’ with him. Dirty-minded pig.
I said, “Last year when Mr Roy died in his flat, we didn't know for more than a month. And only because the kachdawali raised a stink about the smell from his doorway. No pun intended.”
I heard sputtering noises. “Besides,” I continued, “This invasive practice of knowing members' travel plans has to be made a Society regulation and not turned into a means for the Society’s committee to harass single members!”
“But, but, but, it’s for your own good!”
“How?”
“Er...”
“No problem, Mr Duggal, next time I’ll inform your wife of my whereabouts.” Mrs Duggal was a suspicious, jealous woman who hated all the single women and any beautiful woman in Peaceful Society or even outside its walls. I suspect she turned that way because of her spouse's extraordinary ability to swivel his head 360 degrees at the sight of the opposite sex.
“No. No. Noooo. No. No need!” he almost shouted.
“I think I’d trust Mrs Duggal with that information. I’d be sure it wasn’t shared, that I wouldn't be the butt of a joke by some dirty old men. Plus she’d probably look out for me better.”
I could hear an argument in the background. Several phone buttons got pushed and the line got disconnected. It had sounded like people arguing in the background and a scuffle for the phone.
The Peaceful Lech called immediately. I took my time answering it. I counted nine rings and finally picked up.
“Where is Genie? Where have the two of you disappeared to!” Zeba said aggressively.
Shit. It was all Zeba's doing. And I was nonplussed. Why the interest? But apparently I stayed too quiet for too long because suddenly she screamed, “Are you there? What are you doing with Genie?”
I stayed quiet until I mastered my emotions. I had to think of our friends too.
“Right now?” I asked unnecessarily.
“YES!”
“Are you sure you want to know? What did you say, Zeba? Really? It sounded like a cuss word. I don’t think you'll be able to handle what you hear.”
“Are you with Genie?!”
“You saw us leave home together. In any case why should it matter? In soul and spirit we are,” I heard giggles and a snort. I couldn’t look at the others. I needed to do this straightfaced. “Where his body goes, my soul wafts along. When he meditates, my mind immediately scouts for comfortable spots on Mount Kailash...”
“Shut up!”
“Aiyyo, Zeba, don’t be like this. I told you he’s left me his phone because mine doesn’t work. Plus meditation is required without phones. And where he is, he needn’t bother with connectivity.”
“Er, where’s that,” Zeba asked hopefully.
“He said he wanted peace...”
“Yes, he likes his solit...”
“... nirvana...”
“Yes, yes...”
“... no drama...”
“Whe...”
“... some place without me.”
“Where would that be?”
“At home. Reading the newspaper in peace, I imagine.”
I gently disconnected the call and put Peaceful Lech and Peaceful Witch’s phone numbers on Genie's auto-reject list.
I grinned at Genie and handed him his phone. “Buys you time until you come face to face with Lech and Witch. By the way, nice names both. Suits them brilliantly.”
******
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