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| (Illustration by A. Peter) |
The day after Christmas I stared at the wasted bodies.
Fish had too much mulled wine and were bobbing up and down in various corners of their tank, eyes wide open and making sucking noises. Nobby was snoring on a pillow. Genie had placed him in a basket and on a table so that he wouldn't get crushed by any slumberous bodies.
Genie had made tea and gone to the gym. Yes, the man was particular about his body. He drank very little, ate carefully but dressed carelessly. And the numbers of his lady fans were growing.
The lady in the flat opposite blew me a kiss. I quickly shut the curtains. The bitch had purposely kept me out of the building's Christmas celebration preparations but wanted me to bake 10 cakes for the party. Fish blocked her number on my phone – one point on which we were in wide-eyed agreement.
This is a fictional series surrounding a group of Fish, Genie, a former thug turned manservant turned free bird and Norbert, a rum-loving mosquito. This Christmas they have a visitor from the North Pole - an elf called Donny.
Fish comprise Gregory, the intellectual, Portas, the fitness freak, Dimitri, the narrator's favourite fish and confidante and Penaaz and Pervez a pair of serious thinkers and lovers.
In this episode Donny shares bits of his past and the reason he wants to be in Mumbai.
My eyes rested on Donny, the elf. He was cute. Yesterday he'd helped me wash all the dishes and we’d chatted about the North Pole and popular fiction.
“Do you love your job, Donny?”
“Yes. I love toy-making, though we don’t sell anything. It all just disappears around the end of the year.”
“Surely you know where it’s all going?”
“Nope. But Mr C told me that if I met his targets he’d let me live with a good, fun family for Christmas and New Year.”
“You trust this C?” He sounded like a sweat shop supervisor.
“I guess. He's given me whatever I’ve wanted every year.”
“Which is?”
“Well, two years ago, I asked to go to Penguin Island.”
“Why?!” Suddenly Elf sounded very interesting.
“But why not? I have a fascination for penguins... and I watched Happy Feet.” Donny smiled happily. That was a movie about a tapdancing penguin. Fish and I had watched it and they had pooh-poohed the movie, but Donny didn’t need to know that.
“So, how did you get to Penguin Island?”
“I was dropped into a ferry that goes to the island. I was terrified at first, but the ferry captain took care of me. He let me ride back and forth and took me home everyday. He seemed very amused with me.”
“Must be scary to rely on the goodwill of random strangers.”
“It was, initially. But Mr C told me he would never put me in a situation that exposed me to danger. Yet, oddly, he wants me to toughen up.”
I could feel my mouth turn down at the corners. What sort of crackpot picked up a tiny elf, who hadn’t seen the world, and tossed him into a, I was assuming, rackety tugboat on a rolling sea.
“And last year?” I prodded.
“I went to Mozambique – I wanted to swim along the coral reef.”
“I'm very impressed, Donny. How do you get these ideas?”
“I read the National Geographic.”
“The magazine... no TV?”
“Mr C thinks television is a vice.”
Mr C was also keeping his elves in check. No TV meant not knowing your rights. “Why did you want to be with a family this year, Donny?”
“Oh... just wanted to know what it was like.” Donny couldn’t look at me. His body language read shyness.
“After your adventures of the last two years, it seems very low key.”
“I’ve never had a family. I grew up an orphan and started working as soon as I was able. But I read and Mr C let’s me take a furlough every now and then.”
Furlough. What a strange word to use. “Is there anything you’d like to do specially? I’ll take you around – you have to be a proper Mumbaikar before you leave.”
“Er. There was one thing...” He looked hopeful but blushed furiously and put his head down again.
“What is it?”
“No. It's too embarrassing. I’ll look like an idiot.”
“C'mon, spit it out.”
“No. Please. It’s very silly.”
I stared at Donny, but he blushed and looked studiously at the sink of water. I put my index fingers to his ribs and wiggled the tips. He almost fell from the shock and tried to escape. He was ticklish! What fun!
I tickled and poked gently and he screamed helplessly and laughed and begged me to stop.
“Stop that, you’re hurting him!” Genie ordered, entering the kitchen and filling it instantly.
“Nope. Just tickling him. He won’t tell me what he really wants to do in Mumbai. So I’m trying to get it out of him.”
“You may hurt him. Would you be comfortable telling me, Donny?” Genie asked.
“No.”
“How about you write me what it is you want to do, Donny,” I said.
He looked at my index fingers, drew a deep breath and said, “Okay.”
“Alrighty then. Let’s do the dishes. I want that note under my door before the crack of dawn.”
“Or else?” Genie asked.
“Donny will have to go back not having done what he really wanted to do!” I wiggled my eyebrows and index fingers at Donny and he quickly slid off the kitchen platform and disappeared.
******
I saw the note under my door in the morning.
It was the pink paper Fish used for special occasions. They had made their Christmas biriyani demand on this paper. It smelt of kebabs and had the image of a mermaid in the background – maybe in the fish world it was considered romantic. Hard to believe Fish were romantic.
I saw the rolled up balls of paper in the dustbin – some pink and some regular white. Fish must have realised Donny was going to take time deciding what to write. They were particular about their smelly waterproof paper. It was odd because they were generous to a fault, but sometimes behaved like stingy cranks.
I opened the note and laughed. Then I read it again and wondered if I could make Donny's wish happen. Genie loomed into view.
“Are you open to a spot of travelling?” he asked.
My mouth closed. “Where to?”
“That’s a secret.”
“But what would I pack and how long would we be away and...”
“Yes or no.”
“What about Fish and Donny?”
“They’re coming with us. Would that be a yes?”
“Would I have to carry woollen clothes?”
“No.”
“Oh.”
“Were you hoping to go to Europe?”
“Wouldn’t it be snowed under?” I fobbed off Genie's question. I didn't want to say yes. Someday it would happen.
“Not yet in some parts, but very, very cold now.”
“Ok. So where?”
“Just trust me.”
“Okay. As long as you assure me you won’t sell me into bondage and sexual slavery.”
Genie walked away and I giggled. He turned and glared at me and said, “Be ready by Friday. We're travelling very light.”
I nodded still grinning. “Can I pack a bikini?”
He started walking away and I grabbed his arm. “Okay. Okay. Peeeaaaacccce!!! But Friday is the day after tomorrow.”
“We're travelling out of the country. Game or not?”
Out of the country was good. Out of anywhere, especially out of Peaceful Co-operative Housing Society, was better. My building was blessed with a deceptive name.
“Game! Anyway, we have a tiny dilemma on our hands.” I could hear splashing sounds in the tank. “What’s going on there?”
I moved to the sitting room but Genie blocked my way. “It’s not a sight fit for a woman's eyes.”
“Really?” Was Elf naked? I had to see for myself. I twisted Genie's left nipple hard and jumped around his right side. I ran into the sitting room only to see Donny hanging on to the side of the tank, treading water and listening to our conversation. Fish were crowded around him, letting out shrill hyena laughs.
I felt foolish. Donny had a nifty Speedo on. I had tried to buy him baby clothes, which he wore at home. He later showed me the clothes a kindly Mozambiquan tailor had stitched for him for his travels and some of the very nice clothes Mr C had given him. I wondered if Donny was C's playdoll that he dressed in pretty clothes. I shook away the disappointment and turned to see Genie laughing.
His dimples were in force – and he was actually enjoying the joke on me.
“Did the pinch hurt? I’m sorry.” I figured an apology was in order especially since Genie was paying for the trip. Or was he. “Er, how much will the trip cost?” I asked nervously.
He stopped smiling. “On the house.”
“Why?”
I heard Fish clear their gullets in warning.
Genie looked at them and smiled at me. “I think it’d be good. We'll have fun, like a family. You’ve had a rough few years. Try not to overthink this gift.”
“I just had to ask. I can’t afford an expensive trip.”
“I know. I’m good for it. My Christmas gift to the lot of you.”
“Okay. I need to discuss something with you. Let's go for a walk.”
“I think not. The lady in the opposite flat has been trying to talk to me. I’m not up to the inquisition. Let’s talk in the kitchen. Don't eavesdrop,” he ordered Fish and Donny.
Genie made me walk into the kitchen. “Won't they want to eavesdrop when you order them like that?” I asked.
“Yes.”
“So why do it?”
We saw my neighbour smoking in her window. She excitedly waved at us when she saw Genie and he quickly wedged himself out of sight into the nook near the washing machine.
I handed Genie Donny’s pink letter. Genie read the contents, sniffed the paper and smiled. “What do you think?”
“I’m wondering how.”
“Any ideas?”
“Some.”
******
My eyes were closed and I was listening to Donny sing. He was belting out the latest hit with his own version of lyrics and it was an interesting picture of sexy lady elves in high heels playing peekaboo in a coconut grove.
I felt a touch on my shoulder. “What’s that racket... and why are you sitting outside the bathroom?” Genie said.
I held my finger to my lips and Fish pointed at the kitchen stool and gestured for Genie to sit next to us. He had to crouch very low to sit.
And we stayed quiet. Donny being happy was a magical sound. And more magical was the happiness the others were experiencing. What I loved most about Fish and Genie was that they were happy when someone else was happy.
“How did you manage the tub?” Genie whispered.
“Asked Geeta Sharma upstairs if she still had hers. Luv is now seven years old. And that baby tub will be huge for someone of Donny's size.”
“Good work. I smell... bath salts?”
“Bath salts, back scrubber, the works. How often is Donny going to get to bathe in a tub. Might as well make it the best time he's had.”
“He sounds happy. He’ll never forget you.”
“Aww, Genie. So mushy. Of course Donny won’t. He gave me a dozen kisses, shucked his clothes and dived in. I had to rush in and fish him out when the water got up his nose. So he's kept the door unlocked, but we’re respecting his privacy.”
“And his modesty,” Dimitri winked over the tank’s edge.
We listened to Donny swing from modern hits to old ballads, pitchy and shrill and accompanied by the sounds of splashing.
After what felt like hours, the door opened and a very wet, red elf stepped out daintily in a small towel and I handed Genie a bottle of body lotion. I took another towel and gently rubbed Donny's wet hair. Genie couldn’t stop smiling as Donny offered him one small limb after another for a dose of lotion.
Donny disappeared into the bedroom and came out in the brown long pants and white shirt I had altered. He looked like a sweet little boy. Gregory had even given him a polka dot baby blue bow tie.
I combed Donny's hair – he wanted a side parting – and arranged them all on the sofa and sat next to Genie after setting the timer on my camera.
After years, I was finally going to frame a photo. Fish would help me find the spot.
******
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