Fishy Chronicles 37: Secrets

I took the ancient recipe book from the bookshelf. The hardback cover was discoloured and crumbling. All the recipes were in Malayalam and I had rarely opened it to look.

The fat arm's-length book looked like an accounts ledger. It was tied in a bundle with two other recipe books. At some point my mother started buying recipe books and making notes in them and saving clippings from magazines in a folder.

I wondered why I needed to look at them at all - their owners were dead. I wouldn't be able to ask them about measures or how the dish should taste. I didn't know if I'd cook these family dinner dishes. Could I get Aarav and Aditya interested in cooking? Aditya liked to help, especially when I made cakes. He seemed to like the baking process and was smitten by the cookie moulds. I even made an apron for him. We agreed his father needn't know about it.

I untied my great-granny's book. It smelled of dried damp and dust, making me sneeze.

"Bless you." I felt the sofa sag. Genie took the old book from me and opened it. Tiny handwriting crammed the aged, brown pages. The corner of one disintegrated in Genie's hand. Small holes pock-marked the pages. Clearly, insects had found the ink and paper delicious. Genie turned the pages carefully until the writing became spidery and erratic and the recipes stopped and seemed to turn into notes. Water had spilled on the pages, blotting the ink in places. I pointed it out to Genie.

"That's not water. Most likely tears."

Coldness pressed my heart. "W-What?"

"Nothing."

I grabbed his arm. "What do you mean? Why did you say tears?"

He looked at me and a soft sigh escaped him. He pointed at the small crinkles in the page. "See the randomness of the ink blotches? The person seems to have cried. The stains are not there in the previous pages." He turned the pages as quickly as he could without damaging them. "The handwriting seems to be the same all through, so it could be your great grandmother."

"Or grandmother." Suddenly I wasn't sure whose book it had been. Mummy hadn't been keen to write in it even though she had had a wonderful relationship with her grandmother and had filled her own book with her grandmother's recipes.

We set aside the old book and opened Mummy's. The first page had my mother's maiden name and 7 June 197X written at the top. The maiden name was crossed out and her married name scribbled below. Flowers decorated the sides of the page and it instructed us not to read its contents.

We flipped through. Her handwriting changed over the years and the recipes were noted down more haphazardly the older she got.

Then I found a small piece of butter paper. A heart was drawn in it and my parents initials entwined in the heart in Papa's handwriting. Seeing my parents as young lovers was... strange.

Several pages later, there was a conversation in the margin of a recipe.

Papa wrote, "Tell her to stop it."

Mummy: "How?"

Papa: "Use your magic. Tell her it's not on and to forget it."

My eyes scanned the page. There was no date. I grabbed the book from Genie and turned pages back and forth, but couldn't find a date or who my parents were referring to. We went back and began to read again.

Mummy: "She's too stubborn. You try. Speak to her gently else she may get upset and we won't be able to solve things."

Papa: "Let's see. Do you think these people will leave soon? I've got a headache."

Mummy: "I'll get you some balm."

Papa: "Balm won't work in this case."

The conversation ended abruptly. We turned pages but couldn't find the rest.

"Just to confirm - that's Papa's and Mummy's handwriting, right?" Genie asked.

"Yes. But... it was written a long time ago. Do you think they're talking about me?" 

I skimmed the pages to see if I could pin the recipes to a period. Some pages later I found a magazine clipping with the date at the top of the page. 12 July 1990. That ruled me out - I was too little for serious mischief. 

"I don't think it's you they're talking about," Genie confirmed. "Did anyone live with your parents and you when you were younger? Around this time?" he pointed at the date on the page.

"Lots of people turned up and stayed. Especially relatives. And Papa and Mummy had many servants then."

"Okay." He closed the book on my fingers. "I think we should stop."

I was taken aback by his sudden about turn as he was as interested as I to know who my parents' headache had been.

"Okay," I said slowly, trying to figure out what had just happened.

"Go to bed," he said.

"Okay."

Genie looked taken aback by my response, but his face soon returned to its factory settings.

                                         ******

This is a fictional series about the narrator, her former pet fish and manservant, and now friend, Genie. Fish and Genie have returned from their travels and are staying with the narrator. Previous personal equations have changed. 

The narrator decides to mend her mother's and great grandmother's recipe books. In her mother's recipe book she spots a curious conversation between her parents. She finds tears dotting recipes in another book, written in a script she cannot read.

                                         ******

I couldn't sleep. I wondered if I had insomnia. The phone rang, jolting me further into wakefulness.

Roma asked, "When are you going back to work?"

I hesitated, "Soon. Why?"

"When were you planning to tell us you stopped working?"

"What?"

"So you've been holed up in your flat for months..."

"Not months..."

"... and Genie is now in town. Anything I should know?" she said, sounding irritated.

"Nothing. There's nothing to say."

"Georgy's friend at Bombay Sentinel said someone told him you had quit - that he hadn't seen you for months."

"That's true. I haven't seen Parag for months. But I was working there till a month ago. I've taken leave."

"Why?"

"Just wanted a break."

"For what?"

"Just."

"WILL YOU TELL ME WHY OR NOT?!"

"I've told you before... I'd been asking the boss to let me go on long leave."

"No, you have not!"

"I have. You just haven't been listening, bogged down with your own problems."

"Rubbish! Even Anjali doesn't know!"

"Oh!" I said involuntarily. I hadn't told my best friend, nor did I think Roma devious enough to check with Anjali first. 

"Oh, oh, oh! You remember now, don't you!" Roma said triumphantly.

"Yes. There's no need to get your knickers in a knot. This is precisely the overreaction I wanted to avoid. If the news gets out, every relative I've never heard of is going to ask me what I'm going to live on."

"What are you going to live on?"

"My savings."

"Hah!"

"See!"

"You don't have money!"

I swallowed a retort. My cousin was being rude. It had taken me a long time to muster the courage to ask my boss Leonard D'Silva to let me go on leave without pay.

"Are you looking for another job?" Roma demanded.

"No."

"Why not?"

I felt exasperated. "I'm looking for a rich husband. Oh, but I'm divorced with fish children. Good night, Roma. Let's speak when both of us are in a better frame of mind."

I was going to cut the line, but Roma said, "Wait, wait, WAIT!"

"Yes?"

"Georgy's told his parents."

"Shit!"

"And my parents too, Sweetie! Just fix on a good, unshakeable explanation."

"All of them think I'm an aimless flake!"

"That's true. I just wanted to warn you. Good night."

                                        ******

I glanced at the clock. It was past 2am. I was in deep shit!

I got out of bed. Genie's bedroom door was closed and I walked quietly into the sitting room. In the dim lamplight left switched on for Fish, I could see them bobbing up and down gently, fast asleep.

I picked up my mom's recipe book moved to the window and sat on a chair. I used my book light to re-read my parents' conversation, but couldn't place the person they were talking about. I thought back to 1990 - we were following Papa around the country.

"What are you doing?"

The book and light flew in the air and I fell off my chair in fright. Genie's hands grabbed me and pushed me back into my chair. I trembled, my heart racing madly.

"Wh-Wh-What... a-are you doing?" I said nervously.

"Roma called me."

Shit! 

"She asked me if we were having an affair, were married, whether you had quit your job and how we were surviving without an income. I assumed, she meant yours."

"Shit!" Genie looked angry. I didn't think my cousin would go so far as to drag Genie into it! "Er, I'm sorry about Roma, Genie..."

"Why did you quit your job?"

I struggled to find an appropriate answer. My desire to leave had many elements. "I was unhappy for a long time. I wanted a break..." I said lamely.

"Couldn't you have found another job and then quit?" He asked, his expression softening.

"No. I tried to take a sabbatical but management wouldn't agree. Finally, I just resigned."

"Why didn't you tell anyone? Anjali or Roma?"

"Everyone has their own problems and I didn't want their advice, however well meaning it might be."

We sat quietly. I was surprised Fish were still slumbering considering the racket we had just made. "Do you want tea?" Genie asked. The clock said 4:16am.

"You're not going to say anything?" I asked him.

"No."

"Why not?"

"You're old enough to know your mind. I'm sure you've thought things through."

I felt panic at my looming empty life and income-less future. "And if I haven't... got a plan?"

"You'll wing it." Genie walked off before I could say anymore. I picked my mother's book off the floor and saw the faded colour photo near it. I trained my light on the photo. My handsome young father had one arm around my mother, who was holding me - a baby then, and his other around his pretty sister Saroj. My cousin Eva looked exactly like her mom in this photograph. Aunty was very pretty in a pink kurta salwar with a long thick braid gracing one shoulder and bangs on her forehead.

I heard Genie coming out of the kitchen. I slipped the picture back into the book and put it on a nearby stool. Everything could wait... including my crazy thoughts.

Fishy Chronicles 36: It's Complicated

Dear Diary,

What a mess the last three days have been.

I fought with Ashok, Arief and Nidhi a number of times. We never seemed to get off on the right foot.

Eva patched up with Ashok, making all the uncles and aunties happy. Ashok and Arief seem like brothers from different mothers. Nidhi and Arief seem to be an item, but Roma and I are not sure. Arief is always around to give Nidhi a hand with steps and things. I don't understand why she didn't use the pristine white running shoes she brought with her - she has pock-marked Pretty Villa Hotel's lovely garden with her stilettos. A couple of days ago her stilettos wedged themselves deep into a wet portion of the garden and it was funny watching her kneel to pull out both heels. For some reason Arief was looking elsewhere then and Uncle looked exasperated. Some news article soon caught his attention. Truth be told, just watching us must have been like a high-speed police chase drama. The oldies watched us all the time.

While pfaffing about at tea today, I impulsively invited Ashok and Eva for appams and stew. Arief cleared his throat and I felt cornered. So I asked him home too. In a minute, Aditya stood in front of me and Roma told me that she and the boys were turning up as well.

I felt someone stare at me. I tried to ignore Nidhi until Genie murmured into my ear that I was being rude. If anything, he said, I could watch a new romance ferment (his words) over appams. I was surprised at the speed of Nidhi's assent.

On the drive to Mumbai from Lonavala, I did the sums - the number of cups of rice and coconut milk I'd need for the appams. Would my old/young yeast cooperate? I wrote the math on the back of a toll challan. Arief and Ashok ate like sparrows - they worked out and watched their weight, Eva said. Nidhi needed to balance on chopsticks, making her Starving Sparrow No. 3. If Georgy followed Roma, more worried about Genie's influence on her, he'd make Sparrow No. 4. The boys would eat like one hungry full-grown man. I made no allowances for Eva. It was doubtful she ate - being on a diet perpetually. 

With that done, I started thinking of the tattered recipe book I was trying to mend - my mother's and her mother's.

"Why don't you put out some of those recipes in a book," Genie loudly interrupted my thoughts. The car's windows were down and we were enjoying the breeze through our hair. 

"Done to death," I said in a guttural voice, trying to imitate Genie's deep voice. 

He didn't notice. "Plus anecdotes."

"I don't know any."

"Sure you do. Remember that recipe your granny taught you - you said you had to soak the ingredients several weeks for the liquor to give all the nuts a kick?"

My words exactly. "I think you're referring to the Christmas rum cake. My great grandmother taught me that family recipe when I was eight and keen to bake. I even wrote it down with her and my mother's help." And that fragile, lined piece of paper was in my mother's recipe book, tattered but full of Great Granny-Mummy love.

"And she told you not to share it with anyone."

"Yes." I thought of my poor great grandmother. Her daughter-in-law, my grandmother, had hated her and I once heard my granny tell someone that she hoped my great gran would die fast. Luckily, my great gran lived another 15 years and died just short of 100 years. 

My unhappy gran moved to the US to take care of my uncle's family, learnt to wear pants and play bingo. She returned to India eventually, to another son and daughter-in-law, and steadfastly remained unhappy.

I took another challan and jotted cooking instructions to myself. I started when Genie shouted over the noisy breeze, "What do you think?"

"Of what?"

"The book idea."

"It's a good idea. I have to fix Mama's recipe book. Something might come to me."

Who knows, something might come of it. On that note, and conversations reproduced almost verbatim, I shall end my journal writing for tonight.

                                         ******

This is a fictional series about Fish who return to their former owner - the narrator. They are joined by her former manservant, and now friend, Genie.  

They return from a tense holiday with the narrator's relatives. Fish lay some rules and issue the narrator an ultimatum. 

                                         ******
At home I fixed a khichdi for Genie and I. Nobby went off to suck blood in Peaceful Society and Fish settled down to their garlic-liver-shrimp meal.

After dinner, Genie stretched out on the divan to look out of the window at the stars in the sky. I soon dozed off on the sofa. 

The voices woke me. Genie was breathing evenly and seemed to be asleep. There seemed to be an argument, or maybe loud conversation, going on in the tank.

"... Arief... Nidhi..."

"Roma... cigarettes... Georgy..."

"... ******* bad influence..."

I struggled to hear without moving. Clearly Fish thought I was sleeping. 

"She needs to steer clear of that lot. Especially Nidhi! And she's gone and shot off her mouth and invited Nidhi home!" Penaaz almost shouted. I tried to stay calm and concentrate on breathing slow.

"Nidhi will come here and look down her nose at everything. We've got to tell Genie to tell her to hide the heirlooms - she'd never listen if we said so!" Pervez said of me. 

"The heirlooms are classy. Elevate the home. They should stay where they are," Gregory said. The heirlooms they were referring to were a couple of very large brass uralis (wide-mouthed shallow vessels) that were more than a 150 years old. One was my great grandmother's and the other my grandmother's, both gifts to my mother. These days Genie filled them with flowers or potpourri.

Dimitri's voice distracted me. "Maybe things may thaw between them," he said of Nidhi and me.

"Hah!" Gregory snorted, "That will be the day. And I don't know what Arief is playing at! One moment he's playing hopscotch with Sleeping Beauty here and in the next he's canoodling with Nidhi!"

I laughed before I could stop myself. 

"Really!" Penaaz said annoyed. "If you're awake you might as well join us. We're talking about you!"

"You've got to stop mixing with people bad for you," Portas said. 

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"You had a rotten time in Lonavala, yet you've invited that bilious lot home for more punishment."

"Don't you think you're being harsh? I mean we became friendly toward the end. And Ashok is married to my cousin and he's good fun."

"There was drama and you were unnecessarily wrung out by it all!" Penaaz said angrily.

That was true. I had been out of my element with a group that thought they were superior. And I had rubbed them all the wrong way and not been apologetic - or so Eva tried to tell me. Plus, at tea, loosened by the snacks and banter, Ashok had teased me about how we were related and that he still hadn't eaten a meal I had prepared. 

"It's not a bad thing - inviting my cousins over for a meal. Long overdue, I think. Besides, I like Ashok."

"Yes, yes, but think of the consequences. They'll make mincemeat out of you. By the way, you should make a beef stew," Penaaz said.

"What are you expecting to happen?" I asked.

"Trauma... for all of us," she said with unnecessary theatrics.

I laughed and then stopped. Fish were serious. They shared a point. I liked Ashok and Arief. I thought it a cosmic joke that Arief would turn up in Lonavala as Eva's boyfriend and walk smack bang into his friend and Eva's then-estranged husband Ashok. And look how things turned out - Arief and Ashok rekindled their friendship and Arief couldn't back away from Eva fast enough.

"And Nidhi?" Penaaz prodded, when I had stayed silent too long.

"I don't know what her problem is. I'm surprised she wants to come."

"If she's rude to you again, she's out of our lives forever!" Gregory said, trying to loosen his bow tie and adjust his glasses at the same time. Now his tie was askew and his glasses were on the tank's floor. 

"Or at least lose her at sea," Portas said.

"Just drown her," Penaaz said forcefully. 

"I'll try," I said, "to set things right." I turned to look at the divan. Genie was now on his side, his head propped up on his elbow, listening to our conversation. "What do you think, Genie?"

He got up and joined me on the sofa, stretching his legs out. "This should be her last chance." He held my hand and absently tapped my knuckles with his forefinger, making a point. "You shouldn't let people disrespect you constantly. It means they don't care... and nothing good comes of putting up with it."

I nodded. I never seemed to learn. Now I had to gather my tender heart and guard it with my life. Nidhi had a choice - she was going to stay in, or out forever.

Fishy Chronicles 31: Kiss And Make Up

I watched Roma's children run ahead in the small tree-lined lane in Lonavala. Roma was some way ahead, walking and talking with Genie, who was wheeling along the fish tank.

Beside me walked Arief, the unsuspecting friend of my, until this morning, estranged married cousins Eva and Ashok. I had messed Arief about in the morning with a well-aimed table tennis ball, run out of the hotel, been dragged back to Pretty Villa Hotel by Roma's cousin-in-law Ashok and had a massive war of words with him. Plus, I may have ticked off a few people, who subsequently played football with my things in my hotel room. I blame Ashok's sister Nidhi, with whom I had been sharing the room, though now I think it could have been anybody.

The narrator does her best to burn her bridges with the family on their trip to Lonavala... and almost succeeds.  

Only Arief, a family guest and unwitting victim of family tensions, insists on setting right their status quo. One gesture sends their equation into an immediate skid.

"You owe me an apology," Arief said.

I stopped in my tracks. In my mind I had apologised profusely - not preserving an iota of my dignity. Then I had left Pretty Villa Hotel with my baggage and posse and my cousin Roma, her kids and Arief had tagged along. "Is that why you followed me out?"

"Not exactly."

"Then what exactly."

"I think we haven't made up properly."

"Really? I apologised from the inner recesses of my recesses and it felt like I grovelled and dug a hole and buried myself. The only thing I didn't do was prostrate in front of you... it didn't occur to me!"

Arief's head tipped back and he laughed. He didn't sound like a man still nursing a grudge against a violent, loony, rival table tennis player. "Right. I meant kissing and making up."

"Right. That's all that's left, kissing," I said sarcastically. "We've already made up, and I have witnesses... though many are likely to turn hostile if put to the test..." I looked up, feeling grumpy that my day was slowly losing its fine wintry Lonavala charm. The sun went dark and I felt a pair of warm, damp lips on my mouth. I felt deep shock radiate through me and my cheeks, forehead and neck ignited. I looked frantically at Roma and Genie. They were still walking and talking.

I spluttered. "What the fig!" Arief's head bent threateningly again and I leapt back in fright. But I felt... I pulled my sweater away from my neck, feeling unbearably hot and sped to the side of the road. Idiot, go back, I heard a voice telling me. The voice seemed to be mine. Arief was grinning at me broadly, amused. He held out his arm and tilted his head toward the road ahead and nodded. "All good now. Come along."

I stayed on my side of the road and walked shakily, trying to hug the dew-damp walls lining the narrow road.

I was breathing too fast and tried to slow it. What had just happened. Shit! Fish were now at the back of the tank, watching. Nothing escaped them. BUT WHAT THE EFFF!

"Come on! You're acting ridiculous trying to walk through the walls. The other two will turn around any moment and you'll have to explain why," Arief laughed.

That got me to the middle of the lane. Arief held out his arm again. I looked away. He came closer and put his arm around my neck in a swift movement. I struggled to break free, feeling panic. "Don't shout. We'll have to explain what happened and I'm not inclined to lie," Arief said, still smiling.

"What are you playing at?! This morning it was Eva and now you're making a move on me?!"

"Tut, tut. I was never with Eva. At least I was interested in her until I landed here yesterday and discovered she's married to Ashok, who, by the way, is an old friend."

"If he's an old friend how come you didn't know he's married to Eva!"

"I agree. We're work friends. A drink here, and occasional guys night out. We lost touch some years ago, but I was uncomfortable with us being here in the middle of a family holiday and Ashok watching."

"So why didn't you just leave?"

"Felt awkward. And it felt like running away."

"So what's this kiss about?"

Arief grinned and took off his arm from around my neck. He put my arm through his and clamped it to his side.

"Let go, Arief."

"Why?"

I didn't answer. Fish were squashed against the back of the tank, trying to get their best views.

"You think Genie will get pissed off?" Arief's breath shifted some of the strands of hair off my forehead. His face was too close to mine.

"He won't like you manhandling me, for sure," I mumbled, unnerved by Arief looming in my face.

"Reallllyyy," Arief chuckled. "He doesn't seem possessive. Though for some reason everyone seems to think you guys are a pair."

"Yes. A great big bunch of idiots they are. I'm surprised you're not thinking that way," I looked up nervously. But Arief was looking at Genie, a very strange thoughtful look on his face. I tried freeing my arm, but it was still in a solid grip.

"And Genie seems as devoted to your fish as you are. Strange," he said.

"Er, why is it strange?"

"Doesn't fit in with his macho image."

"He's got a very tender side." Arief laughed and I bristled. "What's funny?"

"Did you know Mr Poonawala always brought his fish to work?"

Yes. "No."

"Your ex knew."

"My ex?" all my excitement withered away.

"Who died?" Arief said.

"What?"

"You went cold. What happened?"

"We're talking about my ex. I don't know what else could kill a conversation faster." I started to pull my arm out of his, but Arief didn't let go.

"How did you guys get the fish? Everyone at the agency wondered."

"I don't know."

"You're lying!"

"Mr P gave them to my ex. Willed them to him. There was an understanding between them. He'd asked me to care for them a few times, so my ex and I went to Mr P's place and he walked us through their routine."

"Why?"

"His pets had all died. He felt it was only a matter of time when he would too. Uncle wanted someone to care for Fish and we didn't mind." The first time he had invited me into his office, Nigel Poonawala only had Fish in their tank next to his massive rosewood table and plenty of pictures of his dead, but much loved, pets. I could talk about Uncle Nigel now. Fish had never been a secret.

But I felt ill, the old memories squeezing my heart unbearably. The first time we met, Uncle Nigel and I had bonded instantly. Maybe it was that way when you liked animals. It had taken a few visits for Fish to be comfortable with me. By then I was married. Considering how he never took care of Fish while they were in our care, I didn't understand my ex's fascination for them or his need to covet them. Certainly Fish never warmed up to him, or talked to him. For a strange reason Uncle Nigel had never seen through my ex. Neither had I, until it was too late.

"You still don't say his name," Arief said.

"Whose?" 

"Your husband's."

"We're divorced. I'm entitled not to sully my being by saying his name."

"That seems harsh."

"Yet it is true. And he lives and continues to blight humanity with his existence."

"At this rate, you'll never get a boyfriend."

I laughed. It was at once incongruous and the truth. Eventually every boyfriend had seemed a reflection of my ex. Somewhere it was written into my genes that I needed to be treated badly and bent out of shape. "I'm definitely not looking." That was a lie. I was always hopeful, but Arief didn't need to know.

"Why do you talk to the fish so much? Surely they're unlikely to understand."

I shrugged. I was in another world when I was with them. Uncle Nigel and my parents had been too. No one was going to understand my feelings for them or how they stimulated me.

I saw Genie turn and his eyes caught mine. His eyes took in Arief and our intertwined arms and he turned away again. 

No one would understand, except Genie.

Fishy Chronicles 28: Noises In The Dark

I tapped the door several times, harder each time.

"Maybe they've gone somewhere," Ashok said. My new found table tennis buddies - Georgy, his cousin Ashok, Roma and her kids, and Arief and Genie were massed behind me in the hotel's corridor. I'd spent most of the evening and night playing table tennis and cards with them and now we were all reluctantly going to bed. I looked at my watch. It was past 1am. 

Roma slapped her hand against the doorbell and held it down for several seconds. Georgy pulled her hand off the bell and glared at his wife. My darling cousin was in an excellent mood, her beautiful black hair sticking up in places, some wisps stuck to her pink, sweaty face. She beamed at Georgy. 

I heard the bolts of the door being opened with violence. A wild-eyed Nidhi glared at me. She opened her mouth to say something - rude, I assumed - when she stopped and became wary. Her eyes were fixed on the person behind me. When I turned, I could see Genie looking coolly at Nidhi. 

She turned and marched back into the room. I waved at the others and walked in. My bag, previously on one of the two single beds, was now on the ground. There was a lone made-up mattress on the floor in a corner of the room. My cousin Eva was fast asleep and her sister-in-law Nidhi was giving me a smug look. She switched off the light, leaving me in the dark and disoriented. Bitch.

I switched on my mobile phone torch and looked at Fish. Gregory was reading a book, Penaaz was curled on the couch in their tank, hugging a cushion and watching a movie on Netflix, and Dimitri, Portas and Pervez were waiting for me.

"Well?" Portas asked.

"What did you do after dinner? Nidhi cribbed about you to Eva and finally Eva disappeared into the bathroom for a very long bath. Why did you stay away for so long?" Pervez said, unusually chatty.

I gestured at Nidhi and Eva with my phone torch. Nidhi was trying to glare at me in the semi dark. I switched on a small lamp.

"Switch off the light, I can't sleep!" Nidhi hissed.

I flashed my torchlight into her eyes. "What?" I asked innocently. Why did she bother me so much. Still I kept the light flashing into her eyes and then when she opened her mouth to scream, I switched it off. "Oops, Nidhi. Didn't mean to do that. Let me keep this lamp switched on for a bit, else it would have to be the torch. That would be too bright for you."

"Hmph!" the malignant lump in the middle of the single bed said. She had covered herself up tightly with her sheet and blocked me out. Good riddance. I turned to Fish.

"I played table tennis and cards with the cool ones. Luckily all the oldies and Roma's in laws went to bed early."

"Arief, Ashok's friend?"

"When he's not knocking the glass walls of a fish tank Arief can be surprisingly charming. Georgy was properly concerned he had a competitor."

Fish snickered and then laughed. "Poor Georgy."

Poor Georgy, indeed. He'd never notice even if a handsome prince on a white stallion plucked Roma off the ground and carried her off. He even needed Roma to serve him food. Though Roma chafed, she did as she was bid. She was married to the goat and fond of him. Who knew why.

"I'm never going to marry anyone like him," Eva told one of our cousins in shock when she met Georgy for the first time. But strangely it was Georgy who was pestering Ashok and Eva to give their marriage a second chance.

"What plans for tomorrow?" Portas asked.

"We're going to have a good breakfast and head out for a long walk."

"Okay."

"I meant the young and limber hoomans."

"We know. We're going off with Genie to the market," Portas showed me his middle fin and he and Pervez turned their backs on me.

"I'm with you, Hon," Dimitri smiled. He pulled himself half out of the tank. I kissed his head and he slipped back into the water.

"Y-Y-You're disgusting! Kissing dirty fish. I've seen it all now!" Nidhi spluttered from her bed.

"I know. I'm so glad. Now go to sleep, or I won't wake you for breakfast." Before she could say anything I switched off the light and the room went dark.

I heard Nidhi toss angrily in her bed. Good. Her rage would keep her awake some.

Me, I was going to dream of my handsome table tennis partners. Tomorrow promised to be fun - even with the threat of Nidhi's company.

                                   ******

This is a fictional series about the 30-something narrator, Fish - her former pets, and Genie - her former manservant and now friend.  

They are following her on a family holiday with her uncomfortable relatives and her cousin Roma's in laws. She is forced to share a room with her cousin Eva and Eva's sister-in-law Nidhi. The narrator tries to stay out of their line of vision for as long as possible, but some things are not meant to be.

                                    ******

"WILL YOU SHUT UP!" 

I could feel water spatter on me but it was unsuccessful in rousing the two snorers - Eva and Nidhi. I had wondered if snoring was one of the troubles besetting Eva's and Ashok's union. Nah. People could live through snoring - they found ways. Besides, how did one convince a judge that a spouse's snoring was reasonable grounds to end a marriage.

Water hit me again. "Stop it, you! It's not me snoring. It's those two in the beds. Can't you hear the racket from there!" I waved my arms at where the snoring was coming from in the almost dark - a sliver of moonlight mixed with tubelight crept through the gap the curtains had missed, making for some visibility.

Penaaz was leaning out of the tank in agitation, "Stuff something in their mouths!"

"It might kill them."

"Good riddance!" Gregory shouted, tossing water with his fins in the direction of the snores.

We watched fearfully as Eva turned on to her side, but continued to sleep.

"Go and goose them!" Gregory ordered me.

I shook my head, belatedly realising they couldn't see me in the dark. When I had stayed silent for three seconds too long Gregory said, "I insist you poke them. Research says if you do, they'll stop and it's better to get them to stop snoring as it is detrimental to their health."

"You mean not snoring is detrimental to their health?" I understood what Gregory was saying, but I had been unable to sleep. And the awful noises in the dark made me cranky.

"Hey!"

"Hey, yourself! I'm not going to go and poke either of them! Get used to that awful keening for the next two nights."

"Or we can go down the road and rent another room... with Genie."

"That's a thought, Gregory."

"An excellent idea," Dimitri said.

"Perfect," Portas said, happily.

I had a sudden thought, "Does Genie snore?"

I could see Fish bobbing in the tank, the dim light from outside giving them an eerie, unreal look. They stayed silent, loyal.

"Technically, Genie and I have never shared a room. Just a home. People might talk if we go together to the hotel next door," I said into the silence.

"Yet you didn't think of that when we landed up here," Gregory said.

"Actually, I did. But I figured there wasn't much that could happen with five chaperones staring at us non-stop. Ten saucer-like staring eyes could scare even hardened criminals."

"You don't think he's a criminal..." Dimitri said.

"Not anymore. He..."

"CAN YOU STOP TALKING TO YOURSELF?!"  Nidhi screamed.

"Only if you stop snoring to yourself," I countered. I patted myself for my superb comeback.

"Shhh, Nidhi. You gave me a fright!" Princess Eva said, turning on the lamp next to her. She was sitting up - a pretty picture in a flimsy baby pink nightdress that was absolutely lost on us. 

"Tell your cousin to stop talking and go to sleep," Nidhi shouted.

"But, she's fast asleep... and snoring!"

"She was making a racket just now, talking to her damn fish!"

"You've always had your claws in her. Go to sleep, Nidhi."

"But..."

"Shhh!"

I stifled a giggle under the sheet I had wrapped tightly around my body. I could hear Fish laugh softly. I was surprised Eva put down her sister-in-law, especially on my behalf. 

I had two more days. I was going to be a raath ka keeda*. It was unlikely I was going to sleep much in a strange bed, in any case.

                                   ******
* Night insect

Fishy Chronicles 27: Mutiny At Pretty Villa

"There's a problem?" Roma was at my door. Genie, Fish and I had arrived in the morning at Pretty Villa in Lonavala, just outside Mumbai, for our three-day holiday with family.

"Oh?" 

"Where are we going to put Genie?"

"With me," I unpacked Fish's things and put their comics and eats within sight. I eyed Genie's holdall on his bed. He had disappeared soon after we came to our room. 

"Are you nuts?" Roma said, throwing herself onto one of the beds, holding her head with both hands and staring at the ceiling.

"Sometimes. What's the problem? Genie and I have lived in the same flat for years, even after Papa and Mummy died." I had wondered when someone would bring it up, especially considering the conundrum that our cousin Eva, her estranged husband Ashok and her new boyfriend Arief represented. "Is Arief really her boyfriend?"

"Don't change the subject!"

"Couldn't she have gotten better?" Roma's eyes moved from the ceiling fan and glared at me. But I couldn't help it, "What's wrong with Ashok? He's way smarter than Arief!"

"Yes, but we have a problem on our hands."

"Really?"

"Both sets of parents are upset Eva is sharing a room with Arief and when Mummy spoke to Eva she said if you and Genie could share a room so could she with Arief."

"Hahahahaha!"

"Dammit! It's not funny!"

"Of course it is! Genie and I have been living together for years - whatever twist anyone wants to put on it! All the aunties and uncles had issues with it even when my parents were alive. Genie even left a couple of times and returned - I do not know why. I've never been able to make out the excuses. My parents thought of him as a son. He thinks of me as a sister. What is there to argue." 

Roma's mouth opened, she looked at me coldly and then shook her head vigorously. "No one for a moment thinks there's anything innocent between you!"

I felt shock, though I'd never been in doubt of what my relatives, or the rest of the world, thought. "Well, there's nothing I can do to change the way they think."

"Of course you can! You can ask Genie to leave!" Roma burst out. "Or-Or-Or he can live nearby and come over every day for work."

"People are going to talk anyway."

This is a fictional series about the narrator, her former manservant Genie and their fish. They arrive at Hotel Pretty Villa on a vacation with the narrator's family and get sucked into family politics and lingering resentments. The unpleasantness peaks, forcing a cousin to step in.

"This arrangement," Roma spread her hands and looked about the room, her eyes settling with distaste on Genie's holdall, "isn't going to work." 

"Tell Aunty to put Eva and Arief in different rooms!"

"Mummy did. The only option is Nidhi or you sharing a room with Eva. Nidhi refused." Nidhi was Ashok's sister and Roma's dad had tipped off Ashok that Eva was going to bring a boyfriend. 

"Tell Eva and Nidhi to fuck off."

"Please, babe. Adjust some!"

"There's nothing to adjust! Eva has no business sharing a room with Arief especially with Ashok around and even more so since they're still married!"

"You move in with Eva and we can move Genie to the servants dormitory."

I felt shock and anger begin to rise. "Did you call us here to insult us?"

"No! No, of course not!"

"I'll have a chat with Aunty."

"Baby, think logically..."

"Out!" 

"Babe..." Roma tried to hug me. 

"What I can't believe is you thinking I'm having a rip-roaring affair with Genie! You don't know him, but don't you know me?!"

"Umm..." Roma twisted her hands.

"I'm damned if I'm going to let you guys treat him like the help. He has never been and has never considered himself one!"

"But he..."

I walked out of the door. I kicked every door until I reached the one where i could hear an argument. I banged the door with my fist, wishing I was pounding the shit out of all my relatives. A red-faced, agitated Arief opened the door. "You!"

I pushed my way in. By now, everyone had followed me. My aunt and uncle were very angry with me. Nothing could make me stop. But I did. My cousin Eva was in tears. She rubbed her face with a disintegrating tissue but the tears continued to fall. 

I felt all my anger melt. I quickly went to her and held her. "What's wrong, Eva?"

She shook her head. I turned to Arief, "What the hell did you do to her!"

"Nothing," Arief shrugged. He looked embarrassed.

"Did he hit you, Eva?!" 

Eva shook her head. 

"So why are you crying!" 

There was silence. And more tears. I hugged her and said softly in her ear, "What is it, darling? We'll sort it out, just tell me. I won't tell the others."

"I want to go back," she whispered in my neck.

"Why?"

"I made a huge mistake coming."

"Are you still angry with Ashok?"

She started to cry more. I said to the crowd behind me, "I'll move into this room with Eva and Arief can move into my room."

There was a ripple of discord behind me. "What?" Kurian Aunty, Roma's mother in law, said. "You want Arief to share a room with your servant?"

"HE'S NOT A SERVANT!" 

"But you told us he's your butler and Man Friday," Roma's mom said, confused and nervous.

"He visited me for Christmas and is staying back to sort out stuff."

"Why didn't you just say so!" Georgy, Roma's husband said.

"Did you think anyone would believe me?"

There was silence. 

"Does anyone believe me now?" I asked the group in front of me. They looked confused and angry, while the Kurian women looked happy at the implied salaciousness.

I heard a throat clear. Genie said, "I'll get a room down the road." There was disbelief and the group turned to stare at him. 

"Good. I'll come too," I said.

There was uproar, with everyone talking at once. 

"Quiet!" Uncle shouted at the group. He turned to me, "You will do no such thing!"

"Er, I'm going back, Uncle," Arief said.

"Sensible decision," Kurian Uncle, Georgy's father, said. 

Ashok muscled his way in. "Stop it, Uncle. Arief, you're staying right here. Genie, you're not going down the road either. You're a part of the family and whatever anyone has to say," he glared at his assorted family, "they can keep it to themselves! There will be no more rudeness on this trip - we're all friends and family."

We stared at him, nonplussed. Finally Roma's mother broke the silence. "So where does everyone sleep tonight?" 

"Right, Aunty. Arief, Genie and I will take this room. The three ladies will sleep in the other room."

"I will not!" Nidhi said hotly.

"You have a better idea?" Ashok asked, his body very still. I wondered suddenly if he was prone to violence. I felt a frisson of discomfort.

"But that will mean we'll have to give up one room."

"Yes. I've suddenly made your holiday cheaper," he told his sister unnecessarily.

"I don't want to..."

"You will."

Nidhi closed her mouth and walked off. "Right," Ashok smiled at the group. "All's settled. Back to your rooms everyone. Genie, let's get our gear."

They moved out, leaving the elders staring at us blankly. Then Roma's father walked out, her mom followed and then her parents in law and sisters in law and their spouses. 

Roma and I sat on the bed, with our arms around Eva in between us. She was still crying.

"What, baby?" Roma asked Eva. She didn't answer. We stayed until the guys returned with their luggage. Ashok looked Eva over. His eyes never left her face.

We left Eva in our room and Roma and I walked quickly to the front lawn and sat on the large swing. 

"I'm not comfortable with us being in full view of everyone," I said. I wanted to hide in a deep hole and hold myself tightly. 

"Ashok is a moron," Roma muttered.

"What?" 

"Of all the times to be cost conscious!"

"What are you saying, Roma?"

She turned angrily to me. I shrank back. "Did you notice the way Ashok looked at Eva? He still loves her!"

I had noticed too. He hadn't cared she was with another man. "So?"

"So? So! Soooo!!!! He could have sorted things out by just moving into the room with Eva. Staked his claim! Kicked every other man's butt! Tossed Arief out on his ear! Bloody hell! Instead he's saving money for Daddy!! ARRRRGHHHHHHH!" she screamed.

She grabbed my lapel and shook me, "For once in his life, he could have been a he-fucking-man and said he was going to share the room with Eva!"

"O-O-One problem with that!" I stammered, trying to free the front of my shirt from Roma's grasp.

"WHAT!" Roma spat into my eye.

"Eva might not have wanted it."

"Bah! Not a chance! Just bloody ego, both of them!"

I agreed. The moment Eva had told me she had made a mistake, I knew what she meant. Ashok was a kind man. For both of them, I hoped things would work out. I hated the fact that there was such a big audience. The Kurian women hated Eva, but everyone in my family liked Ashok.

Roma grabbed the flesh of my thigh and squeezed hard. I yelped in pain. She shushed me angrily and gestured with her chin at the large bush near us. 

I could see Ashok smoking alone on the ground floor, near the entrance leading to the garden, his eyes caught by something upstairs. We looked in the direction he was looking - Eva was in the balcony staring at him.

The pain in my thigh became unbearable. I threw off Roma's hand and massaged my thigh. 

Genie and Arief came out of the hotel and spoke to Ashok. The three of them walked up to us. "We're going to have cutting chai from down the road. Want to join us?" Genie asked.

"Sure," Roma said, immediately on her feet. She put her thumb and index fingers into her mouth, let out a shrill whistle and shouted, "Eva, we're getting tea! Hurry up and come downstairs!" 

Eva started and immediately left the balcony. Roma smiled.

"Er, Georgy?" I asked Roma. 

"Oh, he's probably with Mummy. In very safe hands. Come on, Eva's here!" 

Roma looped her arms into Eva's and mine and dragged us towards the gate. The men followed.