My phone vibrated. I looked at the next bed. Darth Vader was snoring. I looked at the fish tank. Fish were glaring at Nidhi, but their anger was centred on me.
I sighed. I hadn't thought of ear plugs. I'd have to do something to soundproof their tank at night – at least before we went on holiday with other people.
"Where are you going?" Penaaz asked me suspiciously, while I pulled on my pants. I now felt like a teen with five strict parents. When Nidhi was awake it felt like she was the sixth.
Earlier tonight I had crawled into my bed fully clothed, with my swimsuit under, and heard a shocked squawk and a lot of incoherent, under-the-breath clucking. The ensuing silence was pregnant with tension. I stayed put until my darling Dimitri asked me, with a wink, if I wouldn’t be more comfortable in my nightie. I was certain there was something behind the suggestion as I’d told him about my nocturnal plans.
I changed into my nightgown and Nidhi proceeded to melt into the mattress and a little later to snore. My cousin Roma and I had agreed to meet once our respective extra appendages fell asleep. Roma had three but the kids were super sharp and hence the clandestine nature of our operations.
My phone said 11:30pm. It was a good thing I hadn’t been trying to sleep. The steady silence-engine revving-silence from the other bed was brain numbing. I felt it more now because every time I thought of Nidhi I didn’t have a positive feeling.
A drop of water hit my pillow. I tore my gaze from Nidhi's open mouth and turned to look at Fish.
“Give her a poke,” Penaaz said. Suddenly I felt very sorry for Fish.
“I’m afraid of her.”
Dimitri laughed. The other fish glared at him.
“Try,” Portas said sarcastically.
“I will be in hell for the rest of this holiday.”
“You're already in purgatory. Luckily it ends tomorrow!” Gregory said. “Why didn’t you just suggest Nidhi and Arief sleep in the same room. They would have snored each other to sleep.”
I guffawed. I doubted snoring would have been the plan, but... Nidhi sat upright with a start and looked around.
Shit! I froze and Nidhi recoiled in fear when she saw me. I imagine I must have looked an eerie silhouette in the semi dark – we’d kept the bathroom light switched on. Worse, I was seated on the bed and had removed my nightgown to put on a t-shirt. I could see Nidhi staring at my curvy bits encased in a bright turquoise swimsuit, the golden stripes on it appearing like neon signs because of the reflected light.
I had heard gentle laughter from Roma, and Anjali, my best friend, when I’d picked up this swimsuit. I’d liked that it made them laugh. I liked it better for the way I looked in it. Hot. But now, I wasn’t so sure. In the reflection on the TV, I didn’t have a head but my body looked like a large colourful semiprecious offering one might find nestling next to an Egyptian Mummy in its dingy abode.
“What are you doing?” Nidhi said agitated.
I thought quickly. But nothing came to mind.
“Tell her you woke up listening to her snore,” Dimitri said.
A snort escaped me. “Where do you think you’re going?” Nidhi continued snootily.
That entitled tone. That entitled-to-be-annoyed tone! Entitled-to-know-your-business-even-though-you-are-beneath-me. Who the hell did Nidhi think she was! I let out a little snore. After I counted to ten I hummed and bobbed my head gently.
“Are you awake?” Nidhi asked nervously.
“Depends,” I said in a low voice after almost 30 seconds.
“On what?!”
“On your...” I clucked and cooed for a few seconds. Then I rolled my head round and round slowly and stopped when I felt things spin. It was hard not to laugh. But I felt a frisson of fear – what if Nidhi figured it out.
I could see Nidhi press herself against the bed’s headboard and grip her sheet to her chin.
“Let out a smelly fart, Hon, this is your moment!” Portas said softly.
I started to speak gibberish. Fast and incoherent at first and then slowly, in a baby voice, I recited a stanza of an old poem – Mary Howitt's The Spider and the Fly. Then, I hung my head and let out a few snores. I looked up suddenly and stared coldly at Nidhi. “HEY!” my diaphragm spat out, as loudly as it could. Nidhi jumped off the bed and ran out off the room.
We laughed. Down the hall I could hear Nidhi banging on a door. I quickly put on my nightgown and tucked myself into bed, turning away from the door and toward the fish tank.
Just in time. I heard footsteps and could see reflected in the fish tank a magnificent-looking Ashok, clad only in a pair of tiny shorts, and behind him Eva in a short tutti-frutti strings-holding-it-together affair.
I wanted to vomit. Instead I closed my eyes and concentrated on my breathing. Every eight seconds I let out a deep sigh. After six sighs, I let out a deep groan and turned.
“She’s sleeping,” Ashok said in a whisper.
“She was sleepwalking!” Nidhi said agitated.
“Never seen her do it before,” Eva said.
There was an awkward silence. I imagine Nidhi may have given her sister-in-law a withering look. From the corner of my eye I could see Ashok straighten, put his arm around Eva and pull her close to him.
“Right then,” Ashok said briskly. “She’s fast asleep. Go back to bed now.”
“No! I can’t sleep here with her!” I saw Nidhi flail her arms and point to me.
“Nonsense! You’re exaggerating. She looks so peaceful. Innocent. Come on, into bed. In!”
I felt a hard poke in my back.
“Hey! Stop that, Nidhi!” Eva said angrily.
“Yes. She’s fast asleep and you have no business bothering her or trying to wake her!” Ashok said.
I heard the bedsheet moved about viciously and Nidhi’s body hit her bed. They watched me for an eternity. Ashok and Eva left of our hotel room and closed the door gently. Finally I heard a gentle snore from the other bed.
******
This is a fictional series about some fish, their former owner and her former manservant and, now friend, Genie.
They are on a holiday with her cousin's family and the narrator tries to sneak out of her hotel room under the evil eye of a malevolent relative.******
“Take us with you!” Pervez begged.
There was a similar chorus in the tank. “Sshh!! She’ll wake up!”
“It’s inhuman to leave us here,” Gregory begged.
I hesitated. What the hell. I gently unlocked the wheel and pushed the tank towards the door.
“Aha! I knew you were acting. Where do you think you’re going with the fish?” Nidhi sat up and switched on the bedside lamp.
“Going for a swim, Nidhi. I would have asked you, but I didn’t want it to interfere with your beauty sleep.”
“S-so all that was a charade!”
“All what?”
“The snoring and head rolling and sitting up and barking!”
“Are you okay, Nidhi? You sound hysterical.” I moved towards her and reached out my hand to touch her forehead.
“Get away from me, you!” she swatted away my hand.
“Gladly!” I hurried to the tank and wheeled it out the door. Nidhi swore like a sailor.
“How dare she swear at you!” Dimitri chuckled.
“Nice choice of words too, so befitting a lady,” Portas said.
“What a relief!” Penaaz said.
In the corridor, I saw Roma. She looked at Fish and then at me with her eyebrows raised.
“Taking them out for some air. Plus all that snoring isn't good for their health.” I pushed the tank swiftly in the lift's direction and then stopped. A door at the far end of the corridor opened. Genie, his hair crammed into a ponytail, walked toward us.
“Where are you ladies going?” his eyes twinkled.
“Er, downstairs... for some air,” I mumbled.
He looked at the towels in our hands. “Too late for a swim, don’t you think?”
“Yes. But we avoid the crowds and the prying eyes,” Roma said.
“Some would be worried at that, no?” his dimples deepened.
“Yes. That’s why we’re acting while they're unconscious.”
Genie held Roma's gaze and nodded. He nudged me away from the handles of the fish tank trolley and said, “Lead the way.”
“Wait. What about Arief? Won’t he feel lonesome?” I asked.
“Nope.”
“How can you be sure?” I teased.
“Because he’s not alone.”
“Really?” I wondered which woman was sharing Arief's bed, and had the temerity to do so with another hot guy watching.
“He's got himself to talk to.”
I grabbed Genie's arm to slow his pace. “What does that mean?”
“He sleeptalks. He's been talking about you and Nidhi... for two nights now. Do you wonder why a rapprochement with Eva was so welcome for Ashok,” Genie grinned broadly. “A cold swim won’t kill me. Come on, ladies. If you don’t hurry, the kids may wake and want to find you. Grab your pleasures when you can.”
“Er, we are planning to smoke,” I said.
“Okay.”
“That’s it?” I pressed the button for the lobby.
“Yes. You know what it will do to your bodies.”
I felt irritation creep up. I could see Roma's enthusiasm fizzle out.
“Cut it out, Genie,” a soft voice from the tank said. Dimitri gently bobbed up and down, “They smoke just twice or thrice a year. It’s just that – a rare thrill. Don’t kill it for them – not you of all people.”
“Just saying it’s not healthy,” Genie shrugged, looking at a spot high up on the lift's wall.
“They know.”
We exited the lift. Roma and I went to the pool and slipped in. Our mood had been killed. We waded around, finally feeling the cold of the water we hadn’t felt the last two days. I didn’t understand why Genie had said what he did. He knew us better than anyone else.
“Did you know Nidhi poked me in bed,” I told Roma, shivering in the water.
“Why?”
“She was angry with me for snoring.”
Roma laughed. “You don’t snore.”
“I did it to annoy her.”
“You got what you deserved then.”
We floated for a while and then we heard Genie jump in. I could see Roma look. Genie in speedos was not a recommended sight, especially for married women. Roma leaned back and floated, a glum look on her face.
“We’ve got to get away alone, sometime,” she muttered.
“How are you going to convince the family and everyone else?”
She stayed silent. We listened to Genie cleave powerfully through the water, he was coming closer. I straightened and watched him. He was pushing a plastic floating lounger towards us. When he was six feet or so away he pushed the lounger in our direction. “Enjoy!” he smiled and turned and thrashed away to the other side of the pool.
Roma and I stared at the lounger. There was a metal ashtray in the middle. Nestled in it was a cigarette lighter and the Gudang Garam packet that had been in my pant pocket.
“He's had a change of heart about smoking?” Roma said, her mood immediately lifted.
“No,” I waved at Genie, smiling and giving him a thumbs up with both thumbs. “He just wants us to have our cheap thrills. Quick! Let’s smoke one before someone figures out we're missing.”
