Fishy Chronicles 40: Rude Awakening

Rudy pays Fish a visit

Last night 
Fish had a dream.
They called it
their Recurring Nightmare.

They dreamt of Rudy, 
the great red shark,
the devil from the deep sea,
their arch enemy,
and
the reason for many, many, 
many, many
sleepless nights.

They dreamt Rudy
was standing 
at the foot of their bed
salivating
and shouting
in turns.

He poked Penaaz
and she continued 
to pretend to sleep.

Rudy
plucked Gregory's bow tie
but it stayed in place.

Finally,
Rudy left
tired of waiting 
to see Fish afraid.

It's a dream,
I told Fish.

No! they cried, 
upset I didn't believe them.

How do you know
he was here? I asked.

There's a red, wet
patch on the rug.
He left his mark.
He knows where 
we live! Fish cried.

And Fish scurried off
to hide behind
the biggest shrub 
in their tank.

Fish ordered us
to keep the windows 
and doors 
closed
and 
not to entertain visitors 
ever!

To keep the peace 
we agreed.

Fish got back into their bed
and slept 
with both eyes open.

Fishy Chronicles 28: Noises In The Dark

I tapped the door several times, harder each time.

"Maybe they've gone somewhere," Ashok said. My new found table tennis buddies - Georgy, his cousin Ashok, Roma and her kids, and Arief and Genie were massed behind me in the hotel's corridor. I'd spent most of the evening and night playing table tennis and cards with them and now we were all reluctantly going to bed. I looked at my watch. It was past 1am. 

Roma slapped her hand against the doorbell and held it down for several seconds. Georgy pulled her hand off the bell and glared at his wife. My darling cousin was in an excellent mood, her beautiful black hair sticking up in places, some wisps stuck to her pink, sweaty face. She beamed at Georgy. 

I heard the bolts of the door being opened with violence. A wild-eyed Nidhi glared at me. She opened her mouth to say something - rude, I assumed - when she stopped and became wary. Her eyes were fixed on the person behind me. When I turned, I could see Genie looking coolly at Nidhi. 

She turned and marched back into the room. I waved at the others and walked in. My bag, previously on one of the two single beds, was now on the ground. There was a lone made-up mattress on the floor in a corner of the room. My cousin Eva was fast asleep and her sister-in-law Nidhi was giving me a smug look. She switched off the light, leaving me in the dark and disoriented. Bitch.

I switched on my mobile phone torch and looked at Fish. Gregory was reading a book, Penaaz was curled on the couch in their tank, hugging a cushion and watching a movie on Netflix, and Dimitri, Portas and Pervez were waiting for me.

"Well?" Portas asked.

"What did you do after dinner? Nidhi cribbed about you to Eva and finally Eva disappeared into the bathroom for a very long bath. Why did you stay away for so long?" Pervez said, unusually chatty.

I gestured at Nidhi and Eva with my phone torch. Nidhi was trying to glare at me in the semi dark. I switched on a small lamp.

"Switch off the light, I can't sleep!" Nidhi hissed.

I flashed my torchlight into her eyes. "What?" I asked innocently. Why did she bother me so much. Still I kept the light flashing into her eyes and then when she opened her mouth to scream, I switched it off. "Oops, Nidhi. Didn't mean to do that. Let me keep this lamp switched on for a bit, else it would have to be the torch. That would be too bright for you."

"Hmph!" the malignant lump in the middle of the single bed said. She had covered herself up tightly with her sheet and blocked me out. Good riddance. I turned to Fish.

"I played table tennis and cards with the cool ones. Luckily all the oldies and Roma's in laws went to bed early."

"Arief, Ashok's friend?"

"When he's not knocking the glass walls of a fish tank Arief can be surprisingly charming. Georgy was properly concerned he had a competitor."

Fish snickered and then laughed. "Poor Georgy."

Poor Georgy, indeed. He'd never notice even if a handsome prince on a white stallion plucked Roma off the ground and carried her off. He even needed Roma to serve him food. Though Roma chafed, she did as she was bid. She was married to the goat and fond of him. Who knew why.

"I'm never going to marry anyone like him," Eva told one of our cousins in shock when she met Georgy for the first time. But strangely it was Georgy who was pestering Ashok and Eva to give their marriage a second chance.

"What plans for tomorrow?" Portas asked.

"We're going to have a good breakfast and head out for a long walk."

"Okay."

"I meant the young and limber hoomans."

"We know. We're going off with Genie to the market," Portas showed me his middle fin and he and Pervez turned their backs on me.

"I'm with you, Hon," Dimitri smiled. He pulled himself half out of the tank. I kissed his head and he slipped back into the water.

"Y-Y-You're disgusting! Kissing dirty fish. I've seen it all now!" Nidhi spluttered from her bed.

"I know. I'm so glad. Now go to sleep, or I won't wake you for breakfast." Before she could say anything I switched off the light and the room went dark.

I heard Nidhi toss angrily in her bed. Good. Her rage would keep her awake some.

Me, I was going to dream of my handsome table tennis partners. Tomorrow promised to be fun - even with the threat of Nidhi's company.

                                   ******

This is a fictional series about the 30-something narrator, Fish - her former pets, and Genie - her former manservant and now friend.  

They are following her on a family holiday with her uncomfortable relatives and her cousin Roma's in laws. She is forced to share a room with her cousin Eva and Eva's sister-in-law Nidhi. The narrator tries to stay out of their line of vision for as long as possible, but some things are not meant to be.

                                    ******

"WILL YOU SHUT UP!" 

I could feel water spatter on me but it was unsuccessful in rousing the two snorers - Eva and Nidhi. I had wondered if snoring was one of the troubles besetting Eva's and Ashok's union. Nah. People could live through snoring - they found ways. Besides, how did one convince a judge that a spouse's snoring was reasonable grounds to end a marriage.

Water hit me again. "Stop it, you! It's not me snoring. It's those two in the beds. Can't you hear the racket from there!" I waved my arms at where the snoring was coming from in the almost dark - a sliver of moonlight mixed with tubelight crept through the gap the curtains had missed, making for some visibility.

Penaaz was leaning out of the tank in agitation, "Stuff something in their mouths!"

"It might kill them."

"Good riddance!" Gregory shouted, tossing water with his fins in the direction of the snores.

We watched fearfully as Eva turned on to her side, but continued to sleep.

"Go and goose them!" Gregory ordered me.

I shook my head, belatedly realising they couldn't see me in the dark. When I had stayed silent for three seconds too long Gregory said, "I insist you poke them. Research says if you do, they'll stop and it's better to get them to stop snoring as it is detrimental to their health."

"You mean not snoring is detrimental to their health?" I understood what Gregory was saying, but I had been unable to sleep. And the awful noises in the dark made me cranky.

"Hey!"

"Hey, yourself! I'm not going to go and poke either of them! Get used to that awful keening for the next two nights."

"Or we can go down the road and rent another room... with Genie."

"That's a thought, Gregory."

"An excellent idea," Dimitri said.

"Perfect," Portas said, happily.

I had a sudden thought, "Does Genie snore?"

I could see Fish bobbing in the tank, the dim light from outside giving them an eerie, unreal look. They stayed silent, loyal.

"Technically, Genie and I have never shared a room. Just a home. People might talk if we go together to the hotel next door," I said into the silence.

"Yet you didn't think of that when we landed up here," Gregory said.

"Actually, I did. But I figured there wasn't much that could happen with five chaperones staring at us non-stop. Ten saucer-like staring eyes could scare even hardened criminals."

"You don't think he's a criminal..." Dimitri said.

"Not anymore. He..."

"CAN YOU STOP TALKING TO YOURSELF?!"  Nidhi screamed.

"Only if you stop snoring to yourself," I countered. I patted myself for my superb comeback.

"Shhh, Nidhi. You gave me a fright!" Princess Eva said, turning on the lamp next to her. She was sitting up - a pretty picture in a flimsy baby pink nightdress that was absolutely lost on us. 

"Tell your cousin to stop talking and go to sleep," Nidhi shouted.

"But, she's fast asleep... and snoring!"

"She was making a racket just now, talking to her damn fish!"

"You've always had your claws in her. Go to sleep, Nidhi."

"But..."

"Shhh!"

I stifled a giggle under the sheet I had wrapped tightly around my body. I could hear Fish laugh softly. I was surprised Eva put down her sister-in-law, especially on my behalf. 

I had two more days. I was going to be a raath ka keeda*. It was unlikely I was going to sleep much in a strange bed, in any case.

                                   ******
* Night insect

Fishy Chronicles 25: Oh, Fish!

I felt water spatter my newspaper. I refused to lower it and look for the source.

"Hey!"

I ignored the summons. Fish had been cold to me for a couple of days. Only Dimitri had come to me for a tickle when I put my hand into the fish tank yesterday. The rest had huddled in various corners and ignored me. I couldn't figure out why and finally gave up.

"Leave them be. They probably want something," Genie said yesterday, passing me a scraped carrot.

"Do you know why they are giving me the cold shoulder?" I started to julienne the carrot.

"You really mean, cold fin."

"Took the words out of my mouth," I grinned.

"Don't worry. We're too dumb to figure it out and they'll be too annoyed at us for not reading their minds. You'll know for sure tomorrow."

Genie was right.

This is a fictional series about a tank of fish, the narrator and her former manservant Genie. Fish have issues with the trip, or the one thing lacking.

Water rained on my newspaper. "Are you sleeping?" Penaaz screamed. 

I quickly lowered it. I could see Genie, sitting opposite me in an armchair, smirk and shake his head. Damn! I shouldn't have given in so quickly.

"Er, I'm reading. How could I sleep and hold up a newspaper. What's up, Penaaz?" She was one of the five fish in my tank. She was large and stately and swanned about the tank with her soulmate Pervez.

"Why aren't you taking us on your trip?"

"You weren't invited."

There was a commotion and the water rolled furiously. Fish zipped around the tank, threw open the lid and hung on to the tank's edge to glare at me better. I was chuffed at the reaction I had excited.

I heard fairly polite swear words. I waited till they calmed down. Gregory said, "The lack of an invite has never stopped you from taking us anywhere. You are the worst guest ever!"

"I know."

"But?"

"But?

"There's always a but!"

"But, for what?"

"Explain yourself!" Fish screamed. I wanted to laugh but was distracted by Genie who had just thrown down his newspaper and was rolling around in his armchair laughing.

I grinned. "For once I'd like to roam about without having to worry about or wheel around you guys."

There was silence.

"You think we're a burden?" Gregory gasped finally, his eyes wide.

"You don't want us with you?" Dimitri said, letting go of the tank's rim and moving back into the water.

My heart raced. That was not what I meant at all. I hurried to the tank and leaned in. "Sorry. I never meant that. I was just toying with you."

Fish looked wary. Penaaz had her back to me and Pervez looked uncertain.

"Hey, guys. Please believe me! I'd never say something to hurt you. You know everything I say to you is in jest, right?" I put my hand into the tank and poked Gregory's tail. "Besides, who could I leave you with?"

"So many people!" Portas retorted.

"Name someone I'd willingly hand you over to?"

"Aunty Glory," Dimitri said, immediately at the top of the tank, animatedly swimming back and forth. Fish loved her madly. I often left the tank lid open when Aunty visited, because they loved to somersault and show off - including Penaaz. She was now treading water just out of reach of my index finger.

"I might have, if she hadn't forgotten to feed you - when my dad was in hospital - remember?"

"Yes. You fed us slow-releasing food later," Pervez said, rather accusingly.

"Which is better than being starved," said Dimitri, giving Pervez the stink eye. Pervez sighed and swam to the top of the tank. He let me rub his back.

"Anyone else?" I prodded.

Into the silence, Genie spoke. "Maybe Zeba would agree - if I asked. I don't think she'd forget to feed you guys. Maybe she'd even vacuum the floor of the tank if we show her how."

"Are you mad?" Gregory pre-empted me.

"Totally! Why else would he say such rubbish!" Portas said.

"Really, Genie. It'd be better to be chased about by a shark in a mossy aquarium than be foisted on her!" Penaaz said.

"Absolutely," concurred Pervez, looking adoringly at Penaaz.

I was in a quandary. I never really had to deal with this issue - there was always Genie or someone reliable about. And I had been planning to leave the curtains partially open and put slow-releasing fish food in the tank.

"If you don't plan to take us with you, where do you plan to keep us?" Dimitri asked me.

Genie looked at me and raised an eyebrow. I opened my mouth and closed it. Every person on the Lonavala trip was going to make fun of me for bringing Fish along. But who left their children behind to go on a trip. Besides, Fish's pronouncements would be priceless.

"Er, you'll be going with us - not that I'd planned to leave you behind," I said.

"You could have fooled us," Gregory said.

"Totally," Portas said.

"Like a shark not ready to eat a human," Penaaz said.

"Absolutely," Pervez concurred.

Dimitri jumped out of the tank, somersaulted and splashed back in. He surfaced immediately and said, "Don't mind them, Sweetie, they always imagine the worst. We'll be there, watching your back - and Genie's." He kissed the tips of my fingers and Fish followed suit.

It was the best feeling in a long time.