Fishy Chronicles 68: Lockdown Diaries – Pinning Down An Insecurity

Cattle egrets. View from our window. 
Photo: A. Peter

After tailing Genie and finding out what he was up to (Stalkers Ahoy) each morning, things went back to normal. More or less. What could be normal in a pandemic-induced lockdown? There was no doubt that Genie knew we had set out to follow him that day. We discovered there hadn’t been a woman, or a secret gym. 

Despite our interfering behaviour and the run-in with the fat cop Motu (Fatty), Genie stayed cordial. When we tried to follow him out the next morning, he put a decisive stop to it. “Mhatre walks along these lanes in the morning.”

“Who’s Mhatre?” Anjali said.

“The policeman you threw the stone at yesterday… you call him Motu. His name is Mhatre. And, in all probability, he will be hanging about Sea View Society waiting for you.”

Anjali’s tea went up her nose and I slapped her back several times. I pulled up a corner of her t-shirt for her to blow her nose in, but she slapped away my hand and looked at me fiercely. I rushed away and got her a tissue.

“I did not throw a stone at Motu!”

“Hmm. That’s what the watchman said you did. Made Mhatre furious. I’ve never seen him run as fast as he did after you!”

Anjali and I stared at Genie silently. We were cornered. Genie knew we were barefaced stalkers and he stood in front of us, his face stretched into a broad smile and pink from the effort of holding in his laugh. Fish were laughing like hyenas in their tanks. I wondered sometimes if Fish had filled in the gaps for Genie or whether we were so naturally transparent that our every thought showed along with our gutless guts.

Anyway, we let that argument go. And hung back.

But every morning we were up early, sipping our teas, mostly to wish Genie a cheery good morning and then watch him through the peephole. Zeba’s door opened at the same time Genie stepped out. She tottered out in a long sleeveless caftan and high heels and canoodled. Genie’s deep voice sounded full of warmth and honey, but was low enough for us not to hear. Did he know we were watching him? Was this the way the rest of my life was going to pass… as an artless voyeur? On the other hand, Anjali was a writer, with many interests. But I wondered if she regressed when she was with me.

After our surveillance efforts at the door, we’d move to the sitting room window and watch who was watching Genie leave the society. Quite a few women, we found. And men. We realised many of the men were out to watch the women.

All this had become a morning ritual and Anjali gnashed her teeth watching Zeba with Genie. Everyday! But, we just couldn’t figure out what was going on with everyone else.

The paying guest (PG) boys, two sets in flats in adjoining wings, would wake up very early and squeeze into the windows in their sitting rooms. Both sets watched the PG girls on the sixth floor opposite my building, who wore thin night dresses or shorts and tank tops leaning out to catch a glimpse of Genie. It couldn’t have been anyone else.

And yet our Genie would walk leisurely towards the gate, nodding at Mrs Duggal and her friends. Some women would lean out of their windows and shout good morning. Their husbands would watch grumpily from another courtyard-facing room, or from their kitchens. Apparently, an annoyed spouse didn’t faze Genie.

“Do you think Mrs Duggal is happy when Genie looks her way?” I asked Anjali, who was keenly watching other spectators with the binoculars. I wondered when Peaceful Society would send us a notice for our “disruptive behaviour”. That was what Uncle John had called it, smiling sweetly.

“Any woman would choose Genie over Duggal!” Anjali said trying to squeeze through the bars of the window. If we held the binoculars outside the bars, we could see a little better.

I clucked my tongue in irritation. That was not what I was wondering. Mrs Duggal must love her odious husband in some way – she still got upset when he looked at other women!

“Do you think he loves Mrs Duggal?” I persisted.

“I don’t think Genie loves Mrs Duggal.”

“I meant does Mr Duggal love Mrs Duggal!”

“He goes back to her every day, na? So, most likely, yes. She’s probably grown on him. She’s the rajma chawal of his life. He’d go hungry and waste away without her,” Anjali chuckled at her own humour.

“Where else could he go?”

“To his mummy.” I glared at her and Anjali laughed some more. She removed the binoculars from her eyes, moved her body back into the flat and turned the binoculars on the boys upstairs. They waved and whistled at her. We saw the PG girls look at the boys. Though there seemed to be some interest between the two groups, I didn’t see them mingle in the building complex.

“They’ve all got girlfriends and boyfriends,” Anjali said reading my mind.

“How do you know?”

“They bring them to their apartments. Then there’s either a huge party, where there are lots of guys and girls, or things are unnaturally quiet. That’s when you know they’re up to something. Did you know the couple in B-606 are not married?”

“No. But how can you tell?”

“I saw an elderly guy going about with her for several days and asked the watchman. He said the old man was 606’s father. Then I asked about the guy who was in her apartment – I called him her husband. The watchman corrected me instantly. Said it was her boyfriend, who had to move out so her old man didn’t know the guy was living there. Though when he said it, it sounded positively… full of masala.”

“Would you live with someone?” I don’t know why that question shot out of my mouth.

“Maybe. If I liked someone. But only as a precursor to marriage. For now. You?”  

“I keep thinking someone would have their fun and leave me. It’s like how we Surianis have marriages quick on the heels of an engagement – we’re afraid the marriage may not materialise if the two get to know each other during the engagement period.”

“I’m confused. Was that a Yes or a No?”

“I’m confused too. I doubt it. Besides, with my luck, even if I moved to the Himalayas, or another city, I’m sure someone would make a connection eventually and report me.”

“Even if someone does, you’re an adult. Everyone’s doing it. So can you.”

“Thanks. I’ll remember it… if I ever take such an extreme step.”

“See that word is all wrong – negative. Extreme. Drastic. Just sounds like a Never or Impossible. Do you know that many people get engaged and live together and then marry? Many Indians in the US and UK do that.”

“They don’t have their relatives in their faces.”

“They probably do, and care about what their families think, but it happens anyway.”

“Okay.”

“Well?”

“No.”

“That’s my girl. Prudery is embedded in your DNA. No wonder Joy Uncle and Saroj Aunty love getting their claws into you. After working their magic on their own kids, they are training their guns on you. The ‘action’ in their retired lives,” Anjali snorted derisively.

I’d always been their target anyway. “Why do you say that?”

“I thought you being divorced would keep you out of their line of vision. But frankly Danny’s appearance (FC 54) surprised me. Didn’t it?” Anjali said.

“Yes.” The only people who’d suggested remarriage were old friends of my parents. After meeting several divorcés, I had begged my parents to stop setting up the meetings. I had been a little confident then of finding someone on my own, but now it looked like I’d stay single forever. I turned around and saw Fish watching me quietly. I’d be an old maid, with old fish and maybe an aging parakeet. I wasn’t sure if Anjali or Genie would keep me company. I felt an uncomfortable weight in my stomach and my heart tightened painfully.

Anjali turned to look at me and put the binoculars down. “Let’s decide that by the time we’re 65 or 70, we’ll make serious plans to move nearer each other. Either you near me or me near you.”

I nodded. We had thought of this occasionally over the years. We were too young to think this far – being in our early 30s – but neither of us had parents or support of any sort.  

“What if you marry?” I asked.

“What if you marry?”

“We’ll keep the plan at the back of our minds. You and me, if all else fails.”

Anjali crawled out of the window box and sat on the window seat next to me. The boys upstairs continued to wave at us and finally we waved back and moved backwards and out of their view.

                                                              ******

This is a fictional series about the Mumbai-based narrator and her floating coterie.

Fishy Chronicles 67: Lockdown Diaries: Stalkers Ahoy

I lay in bed, unwilling to get up. I had slept fitfully and now my body felt leaden. I waited for more sunlight to seep into my bedroom.

Lying next to me, Anjali’s eyes were closed and her breathing even. I had changed into a t-shirt and jeans in the middle of the night.

Being awake at night is no fun. You think of things you shouldn’t. Of people who aren’t good for you. Of things that twist you. When you lie awake, lucid sane thoughts drift out into the night like vapours through windows with gaps around their edges.

I watched the shadows on the walls. Sometimes when I woke at night they looked like burglars trying to enter through my bedroom window. Sleep would desert me instantly and, after I had screamed senselessly and silently in my mind and my heart beat had steadied and one eye had opened, I would realise that the shadows were the shivering leaves of the tree outside, a night breeze rustling them and the light from the tubelight outside magnifying the leaves shapelessly. It did not help that the watchmen outside banged their sticks on the ground at intervals. To scare ghosts away or stay awake. Who knew.

And then, later, not too often, when I would lay back and take deep breaths, and try to calm my mind and body enough for sleep to claim me, I would remember that my windows had bars on them and a burglar would have to be a human stick insect to squeeze through.

I tiptoed into the sitting room, stopped and backed away quickly. WTF!

I was mesmerised by the sight in front of me.

Genie was naked except for a pair of clinging short white shorts… and was horizontally balanced on his hands, the muscles in his torso, stomach and arms straining – clearly rippled for the onlooker’s benefit. He deserved to be on the Irish Beefcake Calendar. He deserved to be a pin-up! On the cover of the male equivalent of Playboy! The cream-coloured shorts looked as though it was part of his fair skin and thus he looked naked. It was strange but though I had sometimes drooled over this handsome man, I had never pictured Genie without clothes. This was close enough. Have mercy!

I heard a whistle in my ear and nearly jumped a foot. Arms grabbed me tightly and I turned to swear, my heart running like it wanted to escape my throat through my mouth.

“Shhh! He’ll guess we’re staring. It won’t be good if we get caught!” Anjali said in a whisper that I could barely hear and dragged me back behind the hallway curtain. “Why didn’t you tell me! What the eff! Look at him – like a fat scoop of creamy icecream on a short toothpick. Lick fast!”

I glared at Anjali. Any moment now Genie would catch us ogling at him and my game would be up. “Shhh, Anjali. Please stop!”

“What are you up to? I saw you change your clothes in the middle of the night. How could you leave me out of things… shit! He’s coming!”

Indeed. Genie had started to lower his body to the ground and his forehead puckered into a frown. I stayed near the curtain. He folded his body and started doing another asana – a deep-breathing one.

I could feel Anjali press into me. She had worn a pair of jeans and the t-shirt she slept in. Its colour had leeched away long ago and now it was shapeless and grayish white. She had once assured me that we had bought it together and didn’t I remember that day. The t-shirt still fit and the cloth was comfortable and she slept well in it and so it was multipurpose.

Suddenly Genie was untangling himself. He smiled at Fish and his deep gravelly voice asked if they had slept well. I pushed back and felt sudden panic. Anjali moved into the kitchen. I ran into the bedroom. Shit! Genie’s room. I hurried out and debated whether to go into my room… but I saw Genie through a small gap in the curtain, he was moving towards this corridor. I sprinted into the kitchen and looked around. Bugger! No place. Then I saw the gray t-shirt squeezed into the narrow space between the window and the fridge. Genie moved the curtain and I pushed my body into Anjali's and pressed back.

“Ow, you’re suffocating me!”

“Shh!” I shrank back as far as I could and luckily Anjali held her breath and stayed still. Genie had stopped near the kitchen to listen, holding the hallway curtain away from his face with his rolled-up yoga mat sticking out of his armpit. After what seemed like several minutes of his gaze piercing the dim light of early sunrise, he went to his room.

I moved away from Anjali and whispered. “He’s gone to his room. Let’s go back to ours.”

“No. Let’s wait here.”

“What if he comes back to make tea?”

“Good point. Does he?”

“Yes. Has a cup and disappears.”

“You’ve been watching him,” Anjali grinned.

“No. That’s been his habit for years. Nothing changed even after he returned,” I said, feeling defensive but trying to keep my tone neutral and hoping Anjali would believe me.

“Only his body has become more muscled. What do you think he did out there?” Anjali said, referring to the period Genie chose to travel.

“I don’t know. What would build muscle like that? Rock climbing?”

Anjali shrugged. I thought it was intense body building. I couldn’t remember if the Genie that lived with us earlier had worked out. Anjali pushed me away from her and fanned her face with her hands. I moved quickly to my bedroom, with Anjali in tow. Just in time.

                                                                ******

This is a fictional series surrounding the Mumbai-based narrator and her parents’ former man Friday Genie.

                                                                ******

We heard Genie moving about the kitchen, lighting the stove and making tea. I had studied his habits leading up to today and knew that he would pour tea into a flask and then drink his mug of tea and eat two biscuits near the fish tank. He’d sit on the ground and look out of the window at the sunrise that was blocked by the buildings opposite the window.

When the sun rose some more, Genie would move back into the kitchen and then quickly leave home. I had checked the kitchen cupboards, except those on top. I couldn’t because that meant using the ladder and exciting questions from Anjali and Genie. But from the noise, I knew Genie opened those cupboards every morning.

I heard the door close. I moved to the door and felt Anjali follow me. “No need to come with me, Anjali. I’ll be back soon. Just open the door for me.”

“No way, José.”

“Please don’t. I just need to see where Genie’s going!”

“Me too! If you don’t hurry, we’ll lose him!”

Bloody good point! I closed the door with my key, so that Genie didn’t hear us and we tiptoed down the stairs. We watched him from a safe distance and once he was out of the gate, we began to run. We stayed behind the trees on the narrow footpath and every now and then hugged a gate post, some of which were very dirty.

Near the end of our road, near the public garden, Genie bent to hand out small packets to some people sitting on the side of the road. I felt embarrassed at spying on him. I looked at Anjali across the road. She was staring at Genie. We had agreed to split and to run in different directions any time we felt we would be caught. About 20 minutes later, Genie was sitting on his haunches, watching some stray dogs eat. There were a couple of cats rubbing against him.

I turned to go back and slammed into a policeman. “You’re not wearing a mask! It is curfew, you’re supposed to be at home.” He glared at me. I backed away and tripped and fell. He leaned over me and gave me an angry lecture in Marathi. I turned my head to see if Genie had heard the commotion. I could see him get up. I turned to look at Anjali. She ran into the middle of the road and threw a stone at the street lamp next to me.

It hit the wall of a nearby building and exploded into small bits, spraying the policeman, the watchman and me with sharp pebbles and sand. The policeman swore loudly and began to chase after Anjali. She turned and ran into the housing society behind her. It was a big one with much foliage and several buildings. I scrambled to my feet and followed the policeman. I could see Anjali disappear behind a building on the left. To the right, Anjali, to the right! That was where the second exit was.

The policeman ran to the building on the left. I began running after him, frightened of what he might do to her if he caught her. He had his lathi in his hand. I was sure he was breaking the law, or maybe not. It was 6.47am on my watch.

Suddenly Anjali reappeared from behind another building and waved with both hands to get my attention. She pointed to the exit nearest her and waved her arm in a circle, and then made tea-drinking motions. I jabbed the air with my thumb to show affirmation. She was going to run out the other exit and meet me at the chaiwalla. We would avoid Genie as well.

I saw the policeman run out from behind the building on the left and look at all the other buildings bewildered. He looked like he knew his quarry had escaped but still had a hunt on his hands. He saw me and shouted for me to come towards him. I moved backwards towards the gate and heard the policeman swear in rage, but then I heard running footsteps behind me. Before he could see me, I saw him. Genie!

I ran behind a building on my right. I heard two sets of footsteps. I stopped listening and ran as soundlessly as I could, weaving in and out of the buildings through the stilt parking. I knew this place well because I had church friends here and sometimes they liked to chat in the dark in the parking area.

I had no choice but to get to the other exit and try and catch up with Anjali at the chaiwalla. I had thought of waiting out the policeman, but what if he brought reinforcements. But when I thought of it logically what was he going to do? Arrest me for not wearing a mask? Or for violating curfew during lockdown? Or maybe for not obeying an officer of the law. What if he beat me?

I ran until I reached the chaiwalla and fleetingly thought of the Prime Minister, Narendra Modi. Our chaiwalla was clean shaven and skinny in comparison. Like he didn’t eat often.

I saw Anjali, leaning against the teashop's wall, red in the face and gasping for breath. “Thank… God, you’re… safe. I… thought… Motu… would… run… after… you… next!” Anjali said in between deep breaths.

“He… did."

“If… we… are… struggling to… breathe… after… a short… run like… that… we need… more exercise!”

“Ye… ah!” My lungs were on fire and seemingly unwilling to expand in a hurry. I didn’t want Motu to catch me. I’d heard Uncle John say that his neighbour had gone for a morning walk and had turned around hurriedly when he saw a group of policemen rounding up several migrants, clutching their meagre belongings, and a couple of our neighbours. He had watched them do Indian sit-ups, which meant sitting and standing when ordered – all the while holding their earlobes. It seemed an exercise in stripping the soul of dignity. We were punished this way as school children – useless empty vessels with no rights or feelings.

“So sad the chaiwalla isn’t here,” Anjali said looking at the grimy, tin-roofed shanty on the main road that passed off for a tea house. On good days it had a small clientele sitting inside, feeding on bad samosas and oily batata vadas. But the pandemic and its consequent lockdown had likely killed small businesses like these.

Anjali pulled out a tiny packet of Parle-G biscuits and I ate one whole, starving from our recent exercise.

She looked around, smiling. It was rare to see Mumbai at a standstill, when the only things sharing space with you were joyfully noisy birds and hungry-looking strays. We saw people shop for essentials, but they disappeared quickly. She put a biscuit in her mouth and offered me another.

But Anjali’s eyes widened suddenly and the biscuit fell out of her mouth. I turned to look and felt shock course through me.

“I left chai in the flask for you,” Genie said, his brown shoulder-length hair moving gently in the breeze, standing some feet away with his thumbs hooked into his pockets and his eyes hooded. A couple of stray dogs stood at his feet, wagging their tails and smiling at us.

“Oh, we wanted to go for a walk. On an empty stomach. Thought we’d go back and have the tea. But…” I shrugged and gestured at Anjali and the fallen biscuit, “we couldn’t wait that long.”

“I see,” he said and set off briskly towards our building. Anjali and I eyed each other and chewed our biscuits slowly. It was like being in a raging cyclone that barely blew up a skirt.

Maybe there was more to come.

                                                                ****** 

Parle-G biscuits sold just outside Madame Tussauds, London. (Photo: A. Peter)

Fishy Chronicles 63: Lockdown Diaries: Tackling the Gs

“Where does Genie go every day?” I asked Fish.

There was a long silence in the fish tank and then Penaaz said, “Groceries?”

“The length of time he spends outside doesn’t justify the few bits and bobs he carries home.”

“Maybe he’s checking each veggie carefully,” Portas said, and a snigger made its way around the tank. I wanted to laugh too at the thought of Genie examining sultry fat tomatoes, but this was serious business. Be serious, I scolded myself. We hadn’t forgotten, or forgiven, how Genie had told the Gonsalveses that he had found Anjali and me rifling through his underwear drawer. Though we hadn’t, we were too embarrassed to show our faces to the elderly couple for several days until this morning when Uncle John ordered me to stop running away after I had left their breakfast at his doorstep and rung his doorbell. I was halfway to the lift when I heard his, “Wait! Come here… Now, my dear. This has gone on long enough.”

“Er, what?” I said, reluctantly shuffling back to his door. “What’s wrong, Uncle?”

                                                                    ******

This is a fictional series about the narrator, her parents’ former man Friday Genie and former pet fish. They have returned from their travels and are staying with the narrator. 

Genie, the narrator and her best friend are stuck together in the lockdown due to the Corona virus pandemic but have not been talking for a few days. Uncle John helps her clear the cobwebs. 

                                                                    ******

“What’s wrong is that you’re avoiding me. Tell me exactly what you did to annoy Genie… and why you’re behaving so oddly now.”

“Er, nothing. Nothing happened.”

“So why haven’t you been talking to Glory and me.”

“Really? I… must have been very busy.”

“We’ve been in lockdown for weeks. Everyone’s got all the time now. So what did you do to upset Genie?”

“What did he tell you?”

“You first. The truth.”

I tried to glare at Uncle but was too ashamed of myself to look him in the eye. But why was Uncle smiling that way? “Er, Genie caught us rummaging through his bedside table drawer.”

I saw shock on Uncle’s face, but it became bland in a couple of seconds. “Go on, my dear.”

“Er, then he wouldn’t talk to us for days even though we apologised over and over and over and made him mutton curry just the way he likes it, and those Bengali luchis he loves, and more. He ate it all, but still wouldn’t, won't, forgive us.” At this moment I felt a seething rage for Genie. I hoped his man boobs would sprout, if only to disturb him. But he looked trim and deeply content – if it was possible in this lockdown phase. Was it yoga? Tiny food portions?

“Go on, dearest,” Uncle’s voice dragged my attention away from Genie’s physique.

“There is nothing else, Uncle. It isn’t such a great sin, you know!”

“For a man, it means lack of trust.”

“For a husband, maybe.”

“For anybody!”

“Why are you acting as though you don’t know what happened, Uncle?”

“I don’t.”

“What?”

“Yes, my dear,” Uncle sighed. “Genie wouldn’t pass on any of my messages to you… when I asked why he was annoyed he wouldn’t say. But he did ask me to say you had looked through his drawers. It was a prank, he said. I was surprised he’d asked me to do so, but I went along with it. I told him the charade couldn’t hold for long. Perhaps Glory would have enjoyed stringing you along, but Genie felt you wouldn’t believe Glory. Anyway, we’ve had a good time at your expense. We have rediscovered the world,” he chuckled, “through our binoculars. It is such fun to watch young people fight. But you must stop now. By the way, what did you really do?”

I groaned silently, then sighed and counted to ten, hoping Uncle would get tired of waiting for my answer. But he waited patiently, smiling all the while. “We opened his desk drawer and looked at his things, handled his diary and his pen. Opened his paper clips box. That’s the sum of it.”

“Hmm. Not good. Did you read his diary?”

“Er, we had a look. But there was nothing in it,” I said, cringing. Heat rushed into my face. My shame wasn’t going to end soon.

“I hope you learnt your lesson.”

“This incident alone constitutes a lifetime of learning, for sure.”

Uncle smiled. “I must say, my dear, I think there are huge gaps in your story and Genie’s. But I don’t think I’m going to come any closer to the truth. Would you like to come in, maybe rustle up some masala chai and eat breakfast with us.”

“I might give you something. A virus.”

“Or we could give it to you.” He held out his arms, and though I thought of Mr Soshal Distan Singh, the current joke going viral on WhatsApp, I went to Uncle and laid my head on his shoulder and felt his hand pat my back. “Naughty, naughty girl. We miss you, you know.”

“I miss you too. Made your favourite today – Bombay Toast. I’ll make tea.” I pushed Uncle in, and waited for a few seconds. Door 502 opened. He waved and smiled and I smiled and nodded and went into Uncle’s house.

I started, feeling embarassed. Uncle and Aunty had been watching me from just inside the doorway and were smiling broadly. “Aren’t you going to ask us who he is?” Aunty Glory asked.

“W-Who?”

“The young man who’s just moved in to the flat at the end of the corridor.”

“Don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Let’s see,” Aunty started counting on her fingers, “he gets up at 9 and leaves out his dustbin rather noisily. He makes tea, then comes to the door to get his paper with his mug in hand. That’s when he says hello to us. Such a handsome boy. Pity he doesn’t live in an apartment opposite us, else he’d have been the focus of our attention. And… there are no newspapers these days, but luckily for you, there’s still the milk which gives him an excuse to open his door… just as you ring our doorbell.”

“Er,” I interjected.

“He doesn’t seem to have a wife,” Uncle John added mischievously.

“But he moved in before we could be acquainted,” Aunty Glory grinned.

And he hadn’t put a nameplate on his door and the watchman still didn’t know his name... or wasn't telling. Plus there hadn’t been any post to crosscheck.

“Oh, I didn’t know you were into young men, Aunty. I would have surely found out his details,” I countered weakly.

The Gonsalveses laughed and followed me into the kitchen. Aunty’s arms rested around my waist and she chatted about things. I made tea and sat at the dining table, watching them eat. I missed them. Until Genie and Fish had returned from their travels, I’d had some of my meals with the Gs. My eyes moved to the photo of my parents and me on a side table. And then to the one with Genie, the Gonsalveses and my family on a tiny lace table cloth, atop the old, black, well-kept baby piano.

I had to make peace, force a truce, with Genie. Today.

                                                                    ****** 

Fishy Chronicles 60: A Step Too Far

We tried calling Genie, but he didn’t pick up his phone.

“Do you think he’s left?” I asked Anjali.

“Left where?”

“I mean, gone. Taken his stuff and left.”

“Let’s check his room and see if his things are still here.”

We did the unthinkable and went into Genie’s room. I rarely entered this room, even though I was tempted. The room was extremely neat. Tidy paperless surfaces, with no personal belongings outside. A pink-themed patchwork bedspread my mother and I had made for Genie covered his bed.

Anjali gingerly tried the door handles of the cupboard nearest the door. It was locked. “Don’t you have extra keys for these cupboards? They usually come in doubles and triples.” She looked at me hopefully.

“Why isn’t there a mirror here?” Anjali said absentmindedly, drinking in the entire room.

“Oh. One of the cupboards has a mirror on the inside of the door.”

“Do you think that’s where he keeps all his toiletries and things?”

It was like the room had no character… save for the picture of my parents, Genie and I in happier times. The photograph was in a slim silver folder, the kind that could be propped up, kept in a pocket or slid into a briefcase. I’d never seen anything like it in India. I picked it up and stared at my parents. A lump soon formed in the back of my throat and my eyes blurred. Anjali took the slim picture frame from my hands and set it down and her arm went around me.

                                                                 ******

This is a fictional series surrounding the narrator, her parents’ former man Friday Genie and Fish. 

The narrator and her friend Anjali are unable to contact Genie and enter his room to see if he has packed and left. Unfortunately, they get carried away.

                                                                 ******

Then she went and tugged at the handles of all the cupboards. The ones without key holes opened, revealing Genie’s toiletries, clothes and other things. “If he keeps his clothes here, what must he be keeping in the locked cupboards?”

That was an interesting question, because there were two tall cupboards with locks and one short cupboard with a lock, in addition to a locked steel almirah.

“He only wears white t-shirts…” I said.

“… white t-shirts and jeans. And how many cupboards of white underwear can a man have? I think the cupboards are empty.” She went up to them and knocked. We couldn’t figure out if the sound was hollow.

“Well, looks like all his clothes are here. Nothing has gone. Maybe we should check the shoe rack.” I opened a drawer in his table. Stationery was neatly organised, instantly putting Anjali and me to shame.

“I really want him to be my housekeeper,” Anjali mumbled. “And I want to bonk him.”

“Me too. The tidy part, for the most part.” Except for the numerous bumps in my life, I had not seen anything ruffle Genie. That included the running of a household. If he didn’t know cooking when he first entered our home, he did by the time my parents left this realm. The only plus was I was a better cook.

“You know, geniuses are like this. Everything in neat rows. Look at this,” Anjali picked up a box of paperclips. “I bet the clips are in neat rows, spooning each other.”

“Okay. Open it.”

We opened it. There were a couple of coins in them. We stared at the Queen Victoria half anna. There was another coin in it, but I slapped Anjali’s hand away from it.

“What did you do that for!”

“We’ve poked around Genie’s things too much. We have no business doing so. Come on!”

“Yes, Miss Potty-Calling-Miss Kettley-Black. Where to?”

I walked to the sitting room. Fish were arguing on the phone. I stopped. It sounded like they were speaking with Genie.

“When will you be back?” Penaaz asked.

“You’ve got to come back,” Pervez said plaintively.

“Who’ll keep order here? And we may run out of food… or toilet paper… or just… things,” Portas said.

“You can’t stay away for long, old man. That Danny business fizzled out long ago. Uncle Joy was a tiresome old fart. A tiresome, game-playing, manipulative old fart. Fortunately, our little one hasn’t inherited any of his genes,” Gregory said.

“Please come back, we’re worried sick. Besides the girls will be alone. What if things get worse… TV news sounds worse by the hour. It’s safer for you to be here at home than outside. Please come back soon!” sweet gentle Dimitri said.

“He’s so annoying and stubborn,” Penaaz grumbled.

“Yes. How rude of him to cut us off while we were speaking,” Portas said.

“I don’t think he had a chance to speak at all, with us yammering and cutting him off every time he spoke,” Gregory said.

That silenced Fish. I moved into the sitting room, wondering why Anjali wasn’t with me. I sighed in frustration. She was examining the other coin in the paper clip box and taking a picture of it. “Anjali, stop that!”

“Stop that, you! You nearly gave me a fright,” Gregory shouted. I could see Fish hold their hearts, panting in shock and pressed into the sides of the fish tank.

“Er, sorry, guys. Do you have any idea when Genie will be back?”

“No,” Penaaz said.

“Did you call him?”

There was a long pause. “No,” Gregory said, looking at the top of my ear and adjusting his glasses. I looked at the other fish, each one of them was acting innocent.

They had learned well the fine art of fingering. It didn’t take a lot. I felt my piss fizz. I wondered what it was. Did they think I only needed to know on a need-to-know basis. Or I was just a helpless useless nut that needed to be manipulated like a puppet whenever they wanted. I screamed shrilly in my head, glaring at them all the while. Idiots!

I looked behind me. Anjali was now sitting on Genie’s bed and looking through a notebook. She then lifted a pen, that looked… my God! I sprinted into the room and grabbed the pen from her hand. “It’s a f****** Mont Blanc. What the eff! Do you think it’s real?” I put the pen to my nose and sniffed.

“Eek! Do you have to smell everything, you crackpot! What if he used it to scratch his balls.”

“Why can’t he just use his hands like everyone else?” I said, still looking closely at the pen. It looked like an original. I’d bought a couple of fakes at the Russian Market in Phnom Penh last year. And I had eyed the originals often enough at the mall. The markings seemed right. I pulled off the cap – it was a fountain pen. “You know, I have never seen him use this pen.”

“Maybe he has a secret journal he likes to write in with a special pen. There are some books and diaries in this larger drawer here. Shall we look?”

“I think we should stop touching his things. He may figure out we’ve been rifling through them. Do you think he’s one of those people who remembers the way he leaves a book or pen in his drawers?”

“I imagine you mean the drawer in this table and not the other type,” Anjali smirked. I felt exasperated but also strangely, and reluctantly, titillated. Anjali shrugged and sighed. “Yeah, I think he’s the sort who’ll remember what went missing and who’s touched what. I better put it back in his journal.”

“Journal? Give me that.”

“Don’t know if it is one.” She showed me a green moleskin diary. It looked like it had been well thumbed, and the sides of the book and pages looked grimy, though they were blank. Most of them. Some had words that didn’t make sense.

I had a sense of foreboding. “Put it back exactly the way you found it, Anjali.” I pushed the pen and notebook into Anjali’s chest. “We have no business touching Genie’s things. Put it back, put it back now!”

“Damn right you shouldn’t be touching my things. Put them down and get out of my room. Now!” Genie said coldly from the doorway. I felt Anjali gasp and I shrank into her, feeling intense shame at our actions and being caught. Anjali pushed me and we stood. She put the pen and book on the table and we walked slowly to the door.

“Very sorry, Genie. We didn’t mean to,” Anjali said.

“But you did.” He moved to the side of the doorway to let us pass, then went in and locked the door behind him.
                                                        ******

Fishy Chronicles 58: Fishy Business

“Psst. Stop pfaffing around and leave immediately,” Penaaz hissed at me from the fish tank in the corner of Joy Uncle’s sitting room.

I was seated near the tank now, trying to figure out a way to leave. I was damned if I was going to cook dinner for this lot. Everything was ready except for the pulao, which Roma was supposed to cook but now was insisting her sister Rita make. That meant there was a high probability we could be eating a traditional Malayali meal with bread, instead of rice, and the presence of too many rogue elements at the dinner table meant the meal would be anything but satisfying.
                                      ******

This is a fictional series revolving around the narrator, Fish and Genie.

Fish have a point of view about the state of affairs and insist on action.   

                                       ******

“You’ll have to get going before Aunty begs you to make the pulao,” Gregory said. He swished along the front of the tank, trying to find a better vantage point. 

Fish had watched the proceedings of the previous few hours with great interest. It had proved to be better than a Bruce Lee movie – my sweet-sour tryst with Danny, a potential suitor, a fractious lunch with assorted family, some mosquito bites and more infighting at tea time. I felt sorry for my aunt. Elsa Aunty looked worn out, and she had a bunch of beasts as house guests.

“You should have left as soon as you realised Genie was gone,” Pervez said. He was in a corner, his back to me, beset by abandonment anxiety. He said accusingly to the glass wall in front of him, “But your family is more important to you than Genie.”

“Especially when they are no good for you,” Penaaz, the more outspoken of Fish, groused.

“You’re being harsh,” I said.

“Not what I heard,” she gestured with a fin at the family massed in front of us.

“Please stop.”

“Genie hasn’t responded to our calls. By the time Nobby flies back to the house, it might take a few years – he can only fly so much. Why didn’t you just latch on to Genie’s ear and stay with him, Nobby? You could have kept track of him for us,” Portas said annoyed. Nobby, our mosquito friend, was sitting on my collar. He had been quiet and thoughtful for the last few hours, except while biting those of my relatives he despised.

I turned my head to look at Dimitri. He was my favourite fish, but right now he looked sad. “Dimitri?”

“You need to go back. Find an excuse, like a neighbour called to say there’s the smell of gas at your place. Got to leave in a nice way.”

“Even after the way they’ve been treating her?” Portas said indignantly.

“Yes.”

“You’ve got to find better family, sweetie,” Penaaz said.

I eyed her. What an easy thing to say. How did one find a more convenient family? The ones I had set me on my head and wrung me out, hurt my feelings over and over. My eyes rested on my cousin Roma and best friend Anjali. They were sitting next to each other but angry and not talking. And it was all because of me. Or rather Uncle’s machinations. But I was the easy target, so today I’d have to take the blame.

“Leave your luggage here, so that it looks like you’re coming back,” Dimitri continued. “You can come back for them when things settle down.”

“Shit will hit the fan,” I muttered. People were watching me. They knew I was talking to Fish.

“After all that’s happened, are you still thinking of staying the weekend?” Penaaz was aghast.

Her lover Pervez shot up to the top, “Get out of here fast, sweetie. They’re not good for you. And that man is making googly eyes at everyone but you! That should ring alarm bells.”

Not alarm bells, but I had noticed Danny chatting up Anjali and now Rita. I was now nowhere in the picture. Not that I minded. I did, but there wasn’t much I could do.

Nobby hovered over my collar, murmuring, “Dimitri’s right. Message Genie to stay put and you’ll be right over.”

“What makes you think he’s still there?”

There was silence in the tank and Nobby tucked himself into the back of my right ear. We continued to listen to Aunty beg her daughters to make a pulao.

I went into the kitchen and looked at my messages. Glory Aunty, our elderly friend in Peaceful Society, had messaged back. Genie hadn’t yet returned home. He had left hours ago and now I felt tense. 

I measured out the ingredients and started peeling vegetables.

Elsa Aunty came in, looked at me in surprise and then put her arms around me in a hug. She kissed my cheek, “Thank you, mol.”

She started opening the cupboards and pulling out spice containers.

I sighed. Things would have to wait. I couldn’t leave Aunty alone with these idiots.

But, a plan was forming.
                                                                  ******

Fishy Chronicles 56: The Unravelling

Photo: A. Peter

The phone rang. Fish.

“Are you going to take the call?” Danny asked.

To those who don’t know, Danny was invited to Joy Uncle’s home to meet me. Except I didn’t know. To escape my relatives (FC54), I got him into my car and drove off (FC55). Now, I was on my way back and dreading the drama.

Though I was attracted to Danny, I was a mess. At the beach he had asked pointed questions and my answers seemed feeble. I drove slowly and wondered how I would make this man understand my crazy household without judging me. How would I explain Genie. How was I going to explain Fish and my need to talk to them all the time. Genie had wheeled their tank into a corner and Joy Uncle had been annoyed.

“Do you want me to pick it up? Is that the name of a man or woman?” Danny said looking at the name flashing across the screen. After a long pause, Danny said, “Just curious.”

“It’s a friend. No need to pick up the phone.”

But the phone wouldn’t stop ringing and finally Danny answered it. “Hello… Hello… Hello, is anyone there?”

I tried not to smile, I had heard a babble in the couple of seconds Danny swiped to answer and put the phone to his ear. He had heard the noises too and looked puzzled when no one spoke.

He switched it off and put my phone on the dashboard. It started ringing again. He answered again and there was silence. He stared at the screen and then looked at me and I smiled involuntarily. “I think the person isn’t going to talk to me.”

I nodded, smiling.

“Who’s Fish?”

I shook my head and concentrated on the road.

“A boyfriend?”

“No.”

“A colleague… an ex colleague?”

“No.”

“A lady friend with an unfortunate name?”

I laughed. “No. Sorry, just a friend.”

“Why didn’t he talk to me?”

I frowned. Just like a man to misunderstand… to assume it was a man. But the ‘men’ in my fish tank outnumbered the lady – four to one. “I don’t know. Very shy. Don’t like strangers.”

“Is he a relative?”

“Yes... a very close one.”

“Oh. Family know him then.”

“In a manner of speaking.”

“What manner is that?”

“Er, the family won’t speak about him because he’s had issues… and has multiple personalities – he thinks he’s several people. It’s really complicated. Please don’t tell anyone. The family gets upset when I talk to Fish.” Technically all true. Everyone got upset when I talked to Fish. The family thought I had mental health challenges because I spoke to Fish and they had names. And no one, except for Genie, Anjali and my cousin Roma, knew how frequently we spoke. Plus, Fish were all full of personality.

“Righttt. Is Fish at your Uncle’s place?”

“Yes. I mean, no. You’ll probably see… him… but not notice. No one talks about him. He’s a dirty secret.”

“What’s his real name?” Danny said, after staring at the speeding and slowing trees from his window. I tried to weave in and out of traffic. I had got a call from Elsa Aunty, reminding me to come home. By her nervous tone I knew Joy Uncle was working himself into a rage. I dearly hoped Rajiv and Beasty would bear its brunt.

“Oh… don’t really know. Fish became his pet name.”

“That’s strange. Close family would know each other’s names.”

“Yes. But I call many of my cousins by their pet names, and don’t know their Christian names…”

“Hmmm.”

“What do you do, Danny?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, where do you work and live, etc, etc. Do you have kids?”

“Aha. Finally! You’ve started asking the questions you were supposed to ask.”

“I don’t think you asked me those questions.”

“I did, but you shut me down. Plus, you didn’t give me specifics.”

“Like?”

“Kids? Etc.”

“Beasty Aunty didn’t tell you?”

I heard a chuckle. “Do you mean Betsy Aunty? Beauty’s mom did.” Mercy Aunty was my cousin Rajiv’s mother-in-law.

“Basically, you know everything about me and I know nothing about you.”

Danny nodded, not ashamed at the inequity of the situation. “Yes. I know you’ve been divorced a few years. No kids. You have, or had, a job, and you live by yourself.”

“Bravo. Now your turn.”

“I’m divorced. No kids. I have a job in Chennai, but I have moved around.”

“Didn’t you want kids?”

“I was married only about a year.”

“Oh?”

We were silent for a while, until I asked, “Why did it end so quickly?”

“I found out she was in love with someone, but was forced into a marriage with me.”

“So… you divorced her for being in love with someone before you?”

“No. We were emotionally distant. Plus I was in the US, and I couldn’t take her with me immediately. And…”

“And?”

“And she couldn’t get along with my parents.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. My in-laws had hated me, they had made my life a living hell, but I had stuck it out. Our marriage had still unravelled.

“Er, that’s grounds for a divorce? Wouldn’t things have improved once she’d got to the US?”

“Perhaps.”

“Perhaps?”

“Yes. If she’d been able to forget him. But she couldn’t.”

“How do you know?”

“She told me.”

It sounded like bullshit to me. “Er, and then what?”

“Nothing. We agreed to part.”

I had no words because it sounded complicated. But what could a divorcé really say about divorce that sounded positive. It sounded bad any which way you approached it – you were a born failure for not sticking it out. My phone rang again.

“I think you should pick up the phone,” Danny said.

“Why?”

“Maybe Fish wants something urgently.”

“I doubt it.”

“You said he was very delicate.”

“I did?”

“Yes.”

“Right. I’ll talk to them when I get back.”

“Him.”

“Him who?”

“Fish!”

“Oh.” I finally remembered I had squeezed all five of my darlings into one disturbed individual.

Danny grabbed my phone, pressed the green answer button and pushed the phone into my ear. “Hello, Fish, I’ll talk to you at home.”

“What’s wrong with right now?” Penaaz demanded.

“Is he any good?” Portas said.

“Genie’s gone,” Dimitri said mournfully. “He didn’t say anything before he left.”

“He won’t pick up his phone. Why is that yob picking up yours?” Pervez said.

“He’s not a yob,” I defended Danny weakly, afraid he would hear Fish’s side of the conversation. “Where are you calling from? The sitting room?” I hoped they wouldn’t draw attention to themselves at Uncle’s place. Fish talking on a phone in a fish tank would instantly attract the wrong kind of attention.  

“We’re hiding behind the shrubs. When are you back? Uncle and Beasty look chuffed with the state of affairs. Everyone was happy to hear you took Danny away in your car. Looks like they have a wedding all planned out. Are they on the right track, my dear?” Gregory, the smartest fish in the tank, asked.

I glanced at Danny, who was watching me. “Er, I don’t know. I’ll talk to you when I return.”

“Is it too early to say?”

“Yes.”

“Then you didn’t like him.”

“I can’t really say.”

“Never mind. Avoid the pot holes, you don’t want him to call you a woman driver.” Gregory ended the call despite the protests in the background.

                                               ******

This is a fictional series about the narrator, her parents’ former man Friday Genie and her former pet fish. They have followed her to her uncle’s home to find that she has been ambushed by a potential suitor - a play sneakily set up by her uncle Joy.

Only matters come to a head when she is questioned about Genie.

                                                ******

I rang the doorbell nervously.

“Well, well, well, the prodigal daughter returns,” Rajiv opened the door wide.

I groaned. There was a large silent audience staring at us. Everyone looked like they were ready to burst.

Aunty waved us all towards the dining table. Danny washed his hands and immediately sat next to Anjali. Beauty pushed me into the chair beside him. I usually helped to serve, eating with my cousins later, but today Roma and her sister-in-law Beauty were serving and the elders and Danny’s parents sat at the table with us.

It was uncomfortable because Danny’s parents and my great uncle and aunt kept smiling at us. I remembered the day I met my ex. It had been more promising and the mood very light when we had had our chat. I had smiled and blushed. I was not blushing now. If anything, I was leery of any sort of commitment.

But it was what Danny started asking Anjali that had me breathless. He asked her what she did. “Oh, a writer. Does it pay?”

“Yes. So far.”

“Where do you live?”

“Near Almora. I’ve rented a place there.”

“So how come you’re in Mumbai?”

“I have work with my publishers. Plus I wanted to spend more time with her,” she gestured at me, “after Amritsar.”

“Amritsar?”

“Yes. We were there about a week ago.”

“Your husband too?”

“Husband?” Anjali watched me choke on my cutlet. Roma slapped my back hard – with unnecessary anger, I thought.

“Yes. The fair man with the long hair… Genie? Where is he?”

“He’s not my husband… and he seems to have gone home.”

“But she said…” Danny’s thumb pointed in my direction. There was a killer silence forming and my relatives had stopped eating.

“I assure you, Genie is not my husband,” Anjali said, mulish in her denial. I should have remembered Anjali would never lie for me. Only I never thought Danny would ask.

“He’s your boyfriend?”

“If it gives you a thrill. Sure, why not,” Anjali smiled, her dimples dancing, and now for the first time enjoying herself amidst these difficult people.

“Who told you Genie is Anjali’s husband?” Beasty Aunty demanded, a small bit of chicken shooting out of her mouth. Danny moved his head to avoid it.

“She did,” Danny pointed at me again.

“He’s her servant,” Rajiv said from the other end of the table.

“Not a servant,” Anjali shook her head emphatically.

“Genie Uncle is staying in Aunty’s house,” Aditya, Roma’s little son, said helpfully into the silence.

“Which Aunty?” Danny smiled at Aditya.

Aditya pointed at me.

A commotion broke out – Joy Uncle and Beasty Aunty talking loudly at the same time, Danny’s parents looking disturbed and talking to themselves and then turning to Elsa Aunty.

“Silence!” Joy Uncle shouted and then turned to me, “Explain yourself, child!”

“Sorry, I-I couldn’t figure out how to explain Genie…” I said, trying to hold Danny’s gaze. Anjali looked at me, the question in her eyes. Why did you say such a dumb thing?

“Genie… used to work for my parents. He was like a man Friday. He lived with us,” I babbled.

“Highly unusual, don’t you think? People would put a different twist to it… now that your parents aren’t around,” Rajiv smirked.

“Like the twisted way you are,” Anjali bristled. “Just any which way it can sound dirty.”

“It reeks of dirty without having to say it!”

“Shut up, you two! You!” Joy Uncle turned to me. “How long is Genie staying?”

“I-I don’t know.”

“Well tell him to leave. It’s been long enough!”

“How long exactly?” Beasty asked.

“None of your business,” someone muttered.

“Who said that! How rude! Show your OUCH!” Beasty swatted her face and hit her nose hard. “OUCCHH! You have mosquitos here. Kill them! Kill them!”

“NO!” The tank lid flew open, hit the wall behind it and slammed shut again. Bubbles filled the tank, a low angry roar coming from the tank and I heard some choice swear words.

I stood up. Nobby! I could see my sweet darling mosquito and a couple of his friends biting Rajiv, Beasty and Joy Uncle with a vengeance.

Samir, Rajiv’s son, came running with a large electric fly swatter. “No, Samir, no! Give me that.” I pulled it out of his hands. Rajiv stood up and grabbed the bat from behind me, viciously pinning me against him in a most unpleasant way. “Let me go, you asshole!”

He shouted in my ear, “What is this business with the mosquitos! You never kill them, they are always in your house and they never seem to bite you!”

I tried to jab my elbow into Rajiv, but he was stronger and enjoying the uneven fight.

“Stop it, stop it!” Aarav and his mother tried to push his uncle away. I heard chairs skidding back and suddenly Rajiv yowled in pain and my neck was free of his vicious grip. I fell into Baby Uncle’s arms and we lost our balance and we fell against Joy Uncle, who gave us a mighty shove backwards.

“You idiot!” Joy Uncle shouted at me. He looked up behind me and closed his mouth slowly. Danny had a tight hold of Rajiv and towered over him. His eyes bored into mine. Rajiv and Anjali were looking daggers at each other standing next to Danny.

I shrank from the coldness of Danny’s look. I moved closer to Baby Uncle. “There’s nothing between Genie and me. We’re friends. He’s staying with me while he sorts out his business.”

“What business?” Joy Uncle asked. It was a strange, calm tone. Anjali looked at me. She had noticed it too. Uncle had wanted this all along. It was a brutal way to confront me. I felt pity for Genie.  

“His business. H-his many businesses. If my friends want to stay with me, I’m not going to stop them.”

“Why him?” the question was from Danny. “Don’t you know how it looks.”

I opened my mouth trying to think. “I can’t explain it in an acceptable way to you. He was there when my parents and I needed him the most.”

“Was he the reason your marriage ended?”

“No.”

“Is he going to move out soon?”

My eyes darted to Anjali. “I can’t say… I haven’t asked him.”

“That has to be an extraordinarily useless answer! Full of anything you want to make it,” Rajiv said spitefully.

“Goat,” someone said.

“Who said that!” Joy Uncle shouted, upset at the spate of insults directed at his favourite child.

“You’ll never know.”

“Show yourself!”

“Shut up!”

Uncle screamed in rage, a maniacal sound, and turned around, his fury fizzling out quickly when he saw his grandchildren clinging to their mothers and the blank disturbed looks all around him. Elsa Aunty pulled timidly at his arm, softly begging him to stop. Anjali was now in front of me, pushing off Baby Uncle’s arms and putting hers around me and hugging me tightly. I felt so grateful someone was there for me. I looked at Danny and felt unnerved. His face was angry. Would he ever believe me?

Beauty cleared her throat, “Let’s all sit down… and… finish the meal. Mummy and…” Beauty’s head tipped in my direction, “went to a lot of effort to… cook it.”

No one moved. Beauty glared at her husband Rajiv. But it was Baby Uncle who began to push his wife towards her chair and showed Danny’s parents back to theirs. Danny moved to his chair and Anjali and I followed.

The rest of the meal was eaten in silence.

                                           ******