Dear Diary,
What a mess the last three days have been.
I fought with Ashok, Arief and Nidhi a number of times. We never seemed to get off on the right foot.
Eva patched up with Ashok, making all the uncles and aunties happy. Ashok and Arief seem like brothers from different mothers. Nidhi and Arief seem to be an item, but Roma and I are not sure. Arief is always around to give Nidhi a hand with steps and things. I don't understand why she didn't use the pristine white running shoes she brought with her - she has pock-marked Pretty Villa Hotel's lovely garden with her stilettos. A couple of days ago her stilettos wedged themselves deep into a wet portion of the garden and it was funny watching her kneel to pull out both heels. For some reason Arief was looking elsewhere then and Uncle looked exasperated. Some news article soon caught his attention. Truth be told, just watching us must have been like a high-speed police chase drama. The oldies watched us all the time.
While pfaffing about at tea today, I impulsively invited Ashok and Eva for appams and stew. Arief cleared his throat and I felt cornered. So I asked him home too. In a minute, Aditya stood in front of me and Roma told me that she and the boys were turning up as well.
I felt someone stare at me. I tried to ignore Nidhi until Genie murmured into my ear that I was being rude. If anything, he said, I could watch a new romance ferment (his words) over appams. I was surprised at the speed of Nidhi's assent.
On the drive to Mumbai from Lonavala, I did the sums - the number of cups of rice and coconut milk I'd need for the appams. Would my old/young yeast cooperate? I wrote the math on the back of a toll challan. Arief and Ashok ate like sparrows - they worked out and watched their weight, Eva said. Nidhi needed to balance on chopsticks, making her Starving Sparrow No. 3. If Georgy followed Roma, more worried about Genie's influence on her, he'd make Sparrow No. 4. The boys would eat like one hungry full-grown man. I made no allowances for Eva. It was doubtful she ate - being on a diet perpetually.
With that done, I started thinking of the tattered recipe book I was trying to mend - my mother's and her mother's.
"Why don't you put out some of those recipes in a book," Genie loudly interrupted my thoughts. The car's windows were down and we were enjoying the breeze through our hair.
"Done to death," I said in a guttural voice, trying to imitate Genie's deep voice.
He didn't notice. "Plus anecdotes."
"I don't know any."
"Sure you do. Remember that recipe your granny taught you - you said you had to soak the ingredients several weeks for the liquor to give all the nuts a kick?"
My words exactly. "I think you're referring to the Christmas rum cake. My great grandmother taught me that family recipe when I was eight and keen to bake. I even wrote it down with her and my mother's help." And that fragile, lined piece of paper was in my mother's recipe book, tattered but full of Great Granny-Mummy love.
"And she told you not to share it with anyone."
"Yes." I thought of my poor great grandmother. Her daughter-in-law, my grandmother, had hated her and I once heard my granny tell someone that she hoped my great gran would die fast. Luckily, my great gran lived another 15 years and died just short of 100 years.
My unhappy gran moved to the US to take care of my uncle's family, learnt to wear pants and play bingo. She returned to India eventually, to another son and daughter-in-law, and steadfastly remained unhappy.
I took another challan and jotted cooking instructions to myself. I started when Genie shouted over the noisy breeze, "What do you think?"
"Of what?"
"The book idea."
"It's a good idea. I have to fix Mama's recipe book. Something might come to me."
Who knows, something might come of it. On that note, and conversations reproduced almost verbatim, I shall end my journal writing for tonight.
******
This is a fictional series about Fish who return to their former owner - the narrator. They are joined by her former manservant, and now friend, Genie.
They return from a tense holiday with the narrator's relatives. Fish lay some rules and issue the narrator an ultimatum.
******
At home I fixed a khichdi for Genie and I. Nobby went off to suck blood in Peaceful Society and Fish settled down to their garlic-liver-shrimp meal.
After dinner, Genie stretched out on the divan to look out of the window at the stars in the sky. I soon dozed off on the sofa.
The voices woke me. Genie was breathing evenly and seemed to be asleep. There seemed to be an argument, or maybe loud conversation, going on in the tank.
"... Arief... Nidhi..."
"Roma... cigarettes... Georgy..."
"... ******* bad influence..."
I struggled to hear without moving. Clearly Fish thought I was sleeping.
"She needs to steer clear of that lot. Especially Nidhi! And she's gone and shot off her mouth and invited Nidhi home!" Penaaz almost shouted. I tried to stay calm and concentrate on breathing slow.
"Nidhi will come here and look down her nose at everything. We've got to tell Genie to tell her to hide the heirlooms - she'd never listen if we said so!" Pervez said of me.
"The heirlooms are classy. Elevate the home. They should stay where they are," Gregory said. The heirlooms they were referring to were a couple of very large brass uralis (wide-mouthed shallow vessels) that were more than a 150 years old. One was my great grandmother's and the other my grandmother's, both gifts to my mother. These days Genie filled them with flowers or potpourri.
Dimitri's voice distracted me. "Maybe things may thaw between them," he said of Nidhi and me.
"Hah!" Gregory snorted, "That will be the day. And I don't know what Arief is playing at! One moment he's playing hopscotch with Sleeping Beauty here and in the next he's canoodling with Nidhi!"
I laughed before I could stop myself.
"Really!" Penaaz said annoyed. "If you're awake you might as well join us. We're talking about you!"
"You've got to stop mixing with people bad for you," Portas said.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"You had a rotten time in Lonavala, yet you've invited that bilious lot home for more punishment."
"Don't you think you're being harsh? I mean we became friendly toward the end. And Ashok is married to my cousin and he's good fun."
"There was drama and you were unnecessarily wrung out by it all!" Penaaz said angrily.
That was true. I had been out of my element with a group that thought they were superior. And I had rubbed them all the wrong way and not been apologetic - or so Eva tried to tell me. Plus, at tea, loosened by the snacks and banter, Ashok had teased me about how we were related and that he still hadn't eaten a meal I had prepared.
"It's not a bad thing - inviting my cousins over for a meal. Long overdue, I think. Besides, I like Ashok."
"Yes, yes, but think of the consequences. They'll make mincemeat out of you. By the way, you should make a beef stew," Penaaz said.
"What are you expecting to happen?" I asked.
"Trauma... for all of us," she said with unnecessary theatrics.
I laughed and then stopped. Fish were serious. They shared a point. I liked Ashok and Arief. I thought it a cosmic joke that Arief would turn up in Lonavala as Eva's boyfriend and walk smack bang into his friend and Eva's then-estranged husband Ashok. And look how things turned out - Arief and Ashok rekindled their friendship and Arief couldn't back away from Eva fast enough.
"And Nidhi?" Penaaz prodded, when I had stayed silent too long.
"I don't know what her problem is. I'm surprised she wants to come."
"If she's rude to you again, she's out of our lives forever!" Gregory said, trying to loosen his bow tie and adjust his glasses at the same time. Now his tie was askew and his glasses were on the tank's floor.
"Or at least lose her at sea," Portas said.
"Just drown her," Penaaz said forcefully.
"I'll try," I said, "to set things right." I turned to look at the divan. Genie was now on his side, his head propped up on his elbow, listening to our conversation. "What do you think, Genie?"
He got up and joined me on the sofa, stretching his legs out. "This should be her last chance." He held my hand and absently tapped my knuckles with his forefinger, making a point. "You shouldn't let people disrespect you constantly. It means they don't care... and nothing good comes of putting up with it."
I nodded. I never seemed to learn. Now I had to gather my tender heart and guard it with my life. Nidhi had a choice - she was going to stay in, or out forever.
There was a gentle tap on my hotel room door. I'd bathed, dressed and packed. Our holiday was finally over and we were checking out of Pretty Villa Hotel in Lonavala by 11am.
Nidhi was still sleeping and would likely miss breakfast again today. The younger, more intrepid, lot was planning to have tea first, walk around Charlotte Lake and then go to a nearby Parsi hotel for breakfast.
Genie smiled and took control of the tank and Fish listed out the various horrors they'd endured during the night.
Downstairs, we met Arief, Ashok, Eva, a grumpy Georgy, Roma and their kids and Georgy's sisters and their families. This was unusual as Georgy's sisters rarely liked to mingle with outsiders. Genie, Arief and I were considered outsiders, even though we were insiders and knew enough to not to want to know more.
I felt a hand pull my ponytail. "You went skinnydipping in the pool last night," Arief said, grinning mischievously.
"Probably got me mixed up with someone else."
"Nope. I saw you."
"Something wrong with your eyesight then."
"Nothing wrong with my eyesight. I saw you and Roma smoking in the pool."
"Ah!" I casually slapped Arief on the chest. "We were modestly covered. And you're not supposed to say we smoke in front of our relatives."
"Why not?"
"Because it's secret. Hence, our midnight swimming session."
"I see."
He didn't really. But I didn't want to explain the time warp in which our families existed. "So, did you have a good holiday?"
His eyes widened and blinked. He smiled slowly, "In a manner of speaking."
"It's me you're talking to. You can be honest. 'A manner of speaking'... you might as well have said you didn't have fun."
"I did have fun." I opened my mouth to argue but stopped when Arief gave me a brilliant smile. "Just not in the way I expected."
"Oh."
"You could have woken up Nidhi and got her out with us," Arief said, spoiling the moment.
"I could have. But I didn't want to punish myself more than necessary. By the way, you could have woken up Nidhi too. She would have welcomed your sunny morning greetings with a 200-watt smile. Why didn't you?"
"I thought I'd leave all that to her beloved cousin, sleeping in the next bed."
"She's not my beloved anything."
"On par with what you feel for your ex?"
I looked at Arief wondering why he suddenly brought my ex husband into the picture. I wondered what to say. Whatever I said I wouldn't be able to recall it. And later I'd realise it was inadequate. I often had speeches for what I wanted to say to my ex, but they never saw light of day. My parents and well-meaning relatives had told me I'd regret what I said – even if I was right. Not saying what I felt had never worked well for me. But it didn't work well even when I did say them. The best solution, I eventually realised, was to walk away.
I took a sharp uncomfortable breath and started walking faster until I was next to Roma. I put my arm into hers. I didn't turn back. Somehow I didn't want to talk to someone who was going to constantly bring up my ex or Nidhi. He could have them both.
******
This is a fictional series about the narrator, her opinionated former pet fish, and her parents' former manservant Genie, who is now her friend.
They are wrapping up a rather eventful holiday with the narrator's cousins and in laws. There is palpable relief in the air.
******
"Why are you avoiding Arief? He seems to like you," Roma said while we were navigating our way around Charlotte Lake. I say navigating because Georgy's older sister lost her balance while we were walking on a path leading downhill. She grabbed my arm and we rolled a little way. We stopped – with her on top of me and a large stone in my side. It was bloody painful. I gasped for breath, coming to the conclusion those were my last.
But someone lifted the heavy woman off me and I could feel Genie and Arief pull me to my feet. Genie made me sit. I couldn't bear to look at Georgy's sister. It would have to wait until I'd mastered the rage born of my soreness. My churidhar was torn at the knee and I could see a trickle of blood. But it was nothing compared to the pain in my side and my embarassment at it all. Roma clucked with worry and finally pulled me toward Pretty Villa Hotel.
"Very sorry," Georgy's sister said embarrassed. There was not a scratch on her, though Georgy kept brushing some dust off her. My nice white kurta had turned a dark clay brown and there was a tear at the side.
Roma, Arief and I were now back at the hotel and I was unpacking to see which of my previously used clothes I could reuse. Nidhi was awake and yawning. Her face screwed up as soon as she saw me and then changed for the better when she saw my disheveled state.
"Rolled around in the dirt, did you, doggie?"
"Woof!" I replied, finding no real answer on me.
"Shut up, Nidhi!" Roma said. "How dare you call my sister a dog!"
"Er, Roma, I didn't see you." Nidhi jumped out of bed and ran into the bathroom. I heard the lock turn. I could think of several swear words – none of which did Nidhi justice.
I finally found a t-shirt and a pair of jeans and I had quick shower in Roma's room.
Downstairs Arief looked me over. "Let's take my car to the hotel."
"No parking there. Let's just walk it."
"Is Nidhi awake?" he asked.
"Yes. She was asking for you. Maybe you should go up." I felt Roma grab my arm and give it an angry shake.
"No, Arief," Roma said, "Just ignore her. Come on. Let's go."
"Are you in pain?" Arief asked. I was grimacing from where my knee had scraped the ground and the hotel was a 15-minute walk away.
"Why do you always mention my ex and Nidhi when you know I don't like it?" I turned on Arief.
Arief smiled involuntarily. It died when Roma glared at him. "My bad. It draws the worst reaction from you – childish of me. It's just that... I used to know your ex from Pink Sun. I attended your wedding..."
"What?" Roma and I stopped in our tracks.
"Yes. I'm sorry for being nosey. I have so many questions running in my head - about your ex, Mr Poonawala and the fish."
"I won't be answering any of them," I said coldly. I felt Roma's hand gripping my upper arm in warning.
"Er, yes, of course," Arief nodded and we walked silently. I seethed. There weren't enough nosey buggers in this world. Fish were right about him. I looked through the corner of my eyes. It was an absolute pity he looked like a delicious walking icecream.
******
Genie pointed to the spot next to him and I hobbled over. I ignored the voyeurs. We had spent three days here and even though they hadn't talked to us much, the entire family had watched us like hawks. I should have sat on Genie's lap a few times. He might have jumped out of his skin. Perhaps I could have sat on any random man's lap. No. More problems than I needed.
Genie ladled scrambled eggs into my plate. This was an authentic Parsi breakfast with the eggs almost runny. I remembered Uncle Nigel showing me how to make it, while singing a ditty he had created. That day he hadn't invited my ex and it had led to a fight between us. Uncle had shown me some of his family albums and it had made me forget my husband in a few minutes.
"How did you learn to cook so well?" I had asked. He had shown me some traditional dishes and I had picked up fast.
"Oh. My mother was a wonderful cook and cooked for a rich Parsi and I'd help her. He eventually paid for my boarding school and the rest of my education."
"That's good then."
"I don't know. I thought so, but my mother was always unhappy working for the family."
"Why is that?"
"She never said."
"And you don't know?"
"Today, knowing what I do of the world, I could wager a guess."
I held my tongue, feeling slightly sick. A few days later Uncle came to my parents' home. I had invited him to try my mother's appams and stew. The ex was in a very good mood because of the visit. But I felt good because my parents and Uncle had hit it off. Somewhere we had a common thread, all of us, except for the ex.
You see, to everyone I had lied about who had actually inherited Fish. Everyone thought it was the ex. And we let them because the ex's ego had been hurt. But I attributed Uncle wanting to give me his fish to an extraordinary whim. Plus, there had been perks.
I understood why Ashok and Arief had so many questions. Why they constantly watched Fish, Genie and me. There had been rumours. Some of Uncle's relatives had even raised a stink but he had warned me about it. And his lawyer, S. Iyengar, had assured me the will was iron-clad.
Now more than ever I wondered about Uncle Nigel's motives. Why did he leave Fish to me. Was I all wrong about his feelings for the ex?
I wondered why I remembered him so much during the trip. I turned to look at Fish. They were treading water watching me. What an incredible coincidence Genie ended up working for my parents and we shared the same feelings for Fish.
I stood up and rummaged in my bag. I had managed to get them something special today. Raw chicken liver. The broiler shop owner had cut it into slivers. I fed Fish slowly, chatted while they ate and then sat down to my cold breakfast. Everyone stared, their eyes twice the size they had been 15 minutes ago.
Genie removed the plate covering my half-eaten breakfast, put another large spoonful of the beautifully soft eggs and a freshly buttered piece of toast on my plate. We joked about returning home to Peaceful Society and tried to imagine the gossip our joint absence would have elicited.
"Next month, that public holiday, could I come and stay with you guys?" Roma leaned over and asked. I could see her little son Aditya stand up in excitement. Georgy cleared his throat, but Roma ignored her husband.
"Yes! Of course!"
"There will be two young men following me."
"The more the merrier."
"Roma..." Georgy said warningly.
"Relax, Georgy. Just going to chill with my cousin. Not a problem, is it?" she gave him her most winsome smile. I saw Arief and Ashok grin.
"Er, no. I'll check the calendar and talk to Mummy. It should be okay," he said unhappily, all the while staring at Genie.
I dared not look at Genie. From the reflection in the glass door opposite us, he was giving Georgy his most winsome smile.
"Are you moving out of Pretty Villa Hotel, Arief?" I asked absently. Genie, Roma, Arief and I had gone to three tatty-looking hotels and been turned away for lack of rooms. I began to wonder if I could sleep in my car tonight - it was clean and comfy enough.
"If you want me to," Arief grinned.
"I don't."
"Why not?"
"My relatives will think you leaving is a conspiracy I've engineered and... Nidhi will feel lonesome," I said sarcastically.
"Okay."
"Since Eva and Ashok will share a room now, yours empties out."
"Yep."
"There's a possibility that we may have to return... if we don't get hotel accommodation." I'd have to return with my fat, belligerent tail firmly between my legs.
"Yes," Arief smirked.
"You're enjoying all this, aren't you?"
"Yes, I am. Couldn't you have done the hotel recce first and then made the grand exit from the hotel?"
"I wasn't thinking."
"Clearly!"
"You don't understand! Someone kicked around my clothes and stomped them. They were neatly folded on my bed when I left the room for breakfast. There wasn't a clear enough footprint to make out the culprit."
"Couldn't you have just confronted the person you suspected?"
"Haven't you got enough of a taste of my crazy relatives - ours and Georgy's?! Do you think you'd want to tick off any one of them?"
"I can stand up to them."
I laughed. The goat. Stand up to them indeed! He hadn't a clue what he was talking about. And he was the lone cream puff outsider in a crowd of unreasonable, rigid Suriani Christians.
He walked off to talk to Roma.
"Psst! What's going on between you two?" Penaaz was at the top of the fish tank, glaring at me.
"What do you mean?"
"We mean the kiss with Arief!" Pervez shot up through the water. "First you couldn't cross swords enough with him - swinging TT balls at his Adam's apple - and then waging a war of words."
"The next thing we know, your lips, tongues and arms are entwined," Portas said indignantly.
"Chee, chee, chee! That's a lot of nonsense masala even by your standards! He caught me by surprise - the kiss - and had my arm in a stranglehold! I don't know why he insisted on hanging on to it." Genie had looked at us once and hadn't turned around again. I felt guilty and chuffed in turns. Though I couldn't make out what was going through Arief's head. Was he punishing me for my previous antics - for causing his chin and Adam's apple pain? His TT ball to my collarbone had hurt like hell - he was capable of venom!
I felt water hit my earlobe. "Silly girl. He's fooling around with you!" Penaaz said.
"You know, Penaaz, I have to agree with you. I think he's having fun."
"Don't give in, Darling," Dimitri said. "Could be a holiday fling."
"Think about Genie's feelings!" Portas gnashed his tiny teeth.
I laughed. "What's it got to do with Genie's feelings?"
"He's in charge of you!" Pervez said.
"No, he's not!" I felt annoyed. I was a grown woman. I could have a fling if I wanted to.
"You know what's going to happen, don't you?" Penaaz said, she and Pervez treading water and their fins crossed over their chests - a stance my mother adopted with me often when she was irritated.
"What?" I asked.
"He's going to ask too many questions. Spy on us when we speak. We won't ever have a private moment," Penaaz said.
"And then he's going to whisper sweet nothings to you," Pervez said.
"And then you'll tell him we speak to you," Portas said.
"And you to us" Gregory said, tweaking his bow tie nervously and glaring at me.
I looked at Dimitri, waiting for him to pile on the shit. But he stayed quiet, his eyes large.
"So what if Arief knows?" I said.
"We'll be in danger, you silly girl!" Gregory cried.
"He'll make us a jingle in an ad," Portas shouted.
"We'll be, all at once, silly and notorious!" Pervez said, upset.
"Guys, you're being melodramatic!" I laughed.
There was sudden silence. Oops. I had insulted Fish. They slipped deep into the tank - out of my reach - and I could see furious bubbles pepper the top of the water. Some were swear words, raspberries and more.
I contemplated the man. Arief seemed chill. Right now he was talking to Genie, and joking about something. I dearly hoped he wasn't yanking my chain. I was unnerved by the kiss he had planted on me earlier in the day. I was no match for this sophisticate who could, sadly, beat me at my own complicated games. But why were Fish so upset?
Penaaz shot up. "Have you considered what might happen if we have to go back to the hotel?"
"Er, technically, you and Genie are out for a stroll. If we can't find another hotel, you can go back and share Genie and Arief's room."
"And you?" Dimitri asked.
I planned to sneak into Pretty Villa Hotel in the middle of the night and smother Nidhi in her sleep and disappear. But, there was a snag. I couldn't leave Fish and Genie behind.
"You are forbidden from sleeping in the car or smoking in it!" Gregory said. "It's awful when the stink gets into the seats! Where did you pick up such a filthy habit!"
"The car is an excellent idea."
There was a fresh round of angry protests. If I returned, for sure I'd be at the receiving end of Uncle's substantial reserves of contempt.
A shadow blocked the sunshine. "No luck with the rooms," Genie said. "How about we go back?"
I looked at Nobby sitting on Genie's ear. My mosquito friend was cross-legged and meditating, Buddha-like. He was the only creature in this tableau unaffected by anyone. My life felt like shit. Then I caught sight of Arief leaning over Roma and laughing with her. Yep, life was definitely shit. And dinner tonight was going to be even shittier.
******
This is a fictional series about the narrator, her former manservant and now good friend Genie, and her former pet fish.
The narrator, on a holiday, fights with her relatives and leaves the hotel in a huff. Only there are no other hotel rooms available in Lonavala. She's in a quandary. And life has just become more complicated.
******
As Genie advised me, sometime during our walk around Lonavala's market, I chinned up and made peace with the fact that I'd spend the better part of the evening and night with the family.
So we ate a sumptuous seafood lunch. Fish stared at us aghast as we ate prawns masala, fried pomfrets, dal tadka and vade. While biting into the pomfret's hollow head, I asked Fish if I was eating someone they knew. They turned around and blocked me out.
"Was that necessary?" Genie nudged me. Arief was sitting next to Roma and talking non-stop while she fed her younger son bits of fish.
"Oh. Just putting things in perspective," I chuckled. But I soon felt bad and poked about the tank, murmuring and chasing Fish about with a spoon. I finally fed them salted caramel popcorn, one of their favourite eats, even though I didn't think it was healthy for them. When I turned to sit, I could see Arief staring at me, bewildered. The look changed and he gave me a smile. He was right, I was the kook the guys at Wimbledon would never let in - even if they had spent the day drinking scotch.
In the evening, after I'd stretched my second cutting chai and after Aditya, Roma's younger son, threw his brother's ball at me, Arief pulled me off the small wall I was sitting on and I followed them reluctantly to the hotel. I didn't feel very bad, even though I knew I was going to meet a bayonet head on. Genie had bought us Kolhapuri chappals and lots of chikkis and fudge - all Lonavala specials.
"Nervous... about going back?" Arief grinned.
"Are you?" I asked.
"No. Why should I be?"
"I don't know."
"So why did you ask?"
"Oh, simbly. Just didn't want to answer a question I didn't want to answer."
Arief took a deep breath and pursed his lips. Definitely a cream puff. If he felt twisted with me, he had had a miraculous escape from Eva. I came to a stop in front of Pretty Villa's glass doors. From here I could see Uncle, in the wooden armchair, reading a newspaper. It was like he hadn't budged from when I left him. The Kurians, Roma's in laws, were spread around him, talking. No one cared to do anything else.
He looked up and I waved nervously. He fluffed out his newspaper and looked down again. I felt the air squeal out of my balloon.
"Chin up! Remember what I told you. Care a fuck. Come on," Genie grabbed my arm and pulled me into the lobby of Pretty Villa. He manoeuvred me to a table tennis table and we started playing - a proper game this time.
It loosened me up and made me feel better. Several minutes later Roma and Ashok were at the table. Ashok hugged me and kissed my cheek. "Friends, I hope." I nodded, feeling overwhelmed. I looked at Eva from the corner of my eyes. She was happy, her skin a tinge of pink and her gaze wholly on her husband - things were back on track. Another look at the elders behind me confirmed all of them were taking credit for the Ashok-Eva reconciliation and trying hard to reach behind themselves and pat their backs.
There was sudden quiet around the table. I felt someone talking to the top of my head. I looked up and froze. Uncle! "Why are you here?" he asked me, a frown on his face.
"No rooms available." I was too nervous to lie or to keep looking him in the eye, but in a few moments his mouth turned crooked and he chuckled.
"I'm surprised you didn't go home," he said.
"I'm surprised too. But I thought I'd sleep in the car."
"Not a good idea. How much is your cut? I've forgotten."
"How much what?"
"You said to place a bet on whether you'd return. I did bet, with Kurian," Uncle gestured vaguely at Kurian Thomas - Georgy's dad.
My mouth turned down. Care a fuck. Care a fuck. Care a fuck. Care a fuck. Fish had made me repeat it over and over. I opened my mouth to say something defensive, but, at this moment, Nobby, sitting cross-legged on a nearby potted plant chanted 'Om', opened one eye, shook his head, closed the eye and chanted 'Om' again.
"Er, who won?" I asked, finally.
"You really mean how much did I win."
I drew a deep breath. A quick look at Arief.... and Genie, they were watching poker faced. Papa hadn't been as irritating or pigheaded as Uncle. Still, there was a way to counter this.
"Uncle, who bet what, how much and who won?"
"How long have I known you, my dear?"
"Let's see, with no breaks in our relationship," even if I had wanted one, "forever."
"Right. How often have we bet?"
On every damn thing. That had been our thing! I swallowed. "Always. What did you bet, Uncle?"
"I bet you'd return to dinner. Just to spite me, you know. After all, you are the flesh of my flesh."
I cleared my throat. I'd been thinking of a free dinner, but I hadn't wanted to back down either. "And what did Kurian Uncle bet?"
"That you wouldn't return, and neither would Genie with your fish."
We stared at each other for an eternity. I took slow breaths. There's a reason why in laws stay in laws. They never seem to want to soak you into themselves. They're happy imagining what they decide is convenient.
I finally smiled at Uncle and we hugged. "I hope you looted him," I whispered in his ear.
"I could make him bet only two thousand rupees. He was most upset when you returned. The problem now is how do I get that money from him!" Uncle whispered back.
I stepped away from him. He took my arm and tucked it into his and pulled me toward the garden. "They make good pakodas here. What kept you! We're all starving. Somebody order pakodas and chai!"
I watched Roma's children run ahead in the small tree-lined lane in Lonavala. Roma was some way ahead, walking and talking with Genie, who was wheeling along the fish tank.
Beside me walked Arief, the unsuspecting friend of my, until this morning, estranged married cousins Eva and Ashok. I had messed Arief about in the morning with a well-aimed table tennis ball, run out of the hotel, been dragged back to Pretty Villa Hotel by Roma's cousin-in-law Ashok and had a massive war of words with him. Plus, I may have ticked off a few people, who subsequently played football with my things in my hotel room. I blame Ashok's sister Nidhi, with whom I had been sharing the room, though now I think it could have been anybody.
The narrator does her best to burn her bridges with the family on their trip to Lonavala... and almost succeeds.
Only Arief, a family guest and unwitting victim of family tensions, insists on setting right their status quo. One gesture sends their equation into an immediate skid.
"You owe me an apology," Arief said.
I stopped in my tracks. In my mind I had apologised profusely - not preserving an iota of my dignity. Then I had left Pretty Villa Hotel with my baggage and posse and my cousin Roma, her kids and Arief had tagged along. "Is that why you followed me out?"
"Not exactly."
"Then what exactly."
"I think we haven't made up properly."
"Really? I apologised from the inner recesses of my recesses and it felt like I grovelled and dug a hole and buried myself. The only thing I didn't do was prostrate in front of you... it didn't occur to me!"
Arief's head tipped back and he laughed. He didn't sound like a man still nursing a grudge against a violent, loony, rival table tennis player. "Right. I meant kissing and making up."
"Right. That's all that's left, kissing," I said sarcastically. "We've already made up, and I have witnesses... though many are likely to turn hostile if put to the test..." I looked up, feeling grumpy that my day was slowly losing its fine wintry Lonavala charm. The sun went dark and I felt a pair of warm, damp lips on my mouth. I felt deep shock radiate through me and my cheeks, forehead and neck ignited. I looked frantically at Roma and Genie. They were still walking and talking.
I spluttered. "What the fig!" Arief's head bent threateningly again and I leapt back in fright. But I felt... I pulled my sweater away from my neck, feeling unbearably hot and sped to the side of the road. Idiot, go back, I heard a voice telling me. The voice seemed to be mine. Arief was grinning at me broadly, amused. He held out his arm and tilted his head toward the road ahead and nodded. "All good now. Come along."
I stayed on my side of the road and walked shakily, trying to hug the dew-damp walls lining the narrow road.
I was breathing too fast and tried to slow it. What had just happened. Shit! Fish were now at the back of the tank, watching. Nothing escaped them. BUT WHAT THE EFFF!
"Come on! You're acting ridiculous trying to walk through the walls. The other two will turn around any moment and you'll have to explain why," Arief laughed.
That got me to the middle of the lane. Arief held out his arm again. I looked away. He came closer and put his arm around my neck in a swift movement. I struggled to break free, feeling panic. "Don't shout. We'll have to explain what happened and I'm not inclined to lie," Arief said, still smiling.
"What are you playing at?! This morning it was Eva and now you're making a move on me?!"
"Tut, tut. I was never with Eva. At least I was interested in her until I landed here yesterday and discovered she's married to Ashok, who, by the way, is an old friend."
"If he's an old friend how come you didn't know he's married to Eva!"
"I agree. We're work friends. A drink here, and occasional guys night out. We lost touch some years ago, but I was uncomfortable with us being here in the middle of a family holiday and Ashok watching."
"So why didn't you just leave?"
"Felt awkward. And it felt like running away."
"So what's this kiss about?"
Arief grinned and took off his arm from around my neck. He put my arm through his and clamped it to his side.
"Let go, Arief."
"Why?"
I didn't answer. Fish were squashed against the back of the tank, trying to get their best views.
"You think Genie will get pissed off?" Arief's breath shifted some of the strands of hair off my forehead. His face was too close to mine.
"He won't like you manhandling me, for sure," I mumbled, unnerved by Arief looming in my face.
"Reallllyyy," Arief chuckled. "He doesn't seem possessive. Though for some reason everyone seems to think you guys are a pair."
"Yes. A great big bunch of idiots they are. I'm surprised you're not thinking that way," I looked up nervously. But Arief was looking at Genie, a very strange thoughtful look on his face. I tried freeing my arm, but it was still in a solid grip.
"And Genie seems as devoted to your fish as you are. Strange," he said.
"Er, why is it strange?"
"Doesn't fit in with his macho image."
"He's got a very tender side." Arief laughed and I bristled. "What's funny?"
"Did you know Mr Poonawala always brought his fish to work?"
Yes. "No."
"Your ex knew."
"My ex?" all my excitement withered away.
"Who died?" Arief said.
"What?"
"You went cold. What happened?"
"We're talking about my ex. I don't know what else could kill a conversation faster." I started to pull my arm out of his, but Arief didn't let go.
"How did you guys get the fish? Everyone at the agency wondered."
"I don't know."
"You're lying!"
"Mr P gave them to my ex. Willed them to him. There was an understanding between them. He'd asked me to care for them a few times, so my ex and I went to Mr P's place and he walked us through their routine."
"Why?"
"His pets had all died. He felt it was only a matter of time when he would too. Uncle wanted someone to care for Fish and we didn't mind." The first time he had invited me into his office, Nigel Poonawala only had Fish in their tank next to his massive rosewood table and plenty of pictures of his dead, but much loved, pets. I could talk about Uncle Nigel now. Fish had never been a secret.
But I felt ill, the old memories squeezing my heart unbearably. The first time we met, Uncle Nigel and I had bonded instantly. Maybe it was that way when you liked animals. It had taken a few visits for Fish to be comfortable with me. By then I was married. Considering how he never took care of Fish while they were in our care, I didn't understand my ex's fascination for them or his need to covet them. Certainly Fish never warmed up to him, or talked to him. For a strange reason Uncle Nigel had never seen through my ex. Neither had I, until it was too late.
"You still don't say his name," Arief said.
"Whose?"
"Your husband's."
"We're divorced. I'm entitled not to sully my being by saying his name."
"That seems harsh."
"Yet it is true. And he lives and continues to blight humanity with his existence."
"At this rate, you'll never get a boyfriend."
I laughed. It was at once incongruous and the truth. Eventually every boyfriend had seemed a reflection of my ex. Somewhere it was written into my genes that I needed to be treated badly and bent out of shape. "I'm definitely not looking." That was a lie. I was always hopeful, but Arief didn't need to know.
"Why do you talk to the fish so much? Surely they're unlikely to understand."
I shrugged. I was in another world when I was with them. Uncle Nigel and my parents had been too. No one was going to understand my feelings for them or how they stimulated me.
I saw Genie turn and his eyes caught mine. His eyes took in Arief and our intertwined arms and he turned away again.
No one would understand, except Genie.
