Fishy Chronicles 32: The Turn Of Things

"Are you moving out of Pretty Villa Hotel, Arief?" I asked absently. Genie, Roma, Arief and I had gone to three tatty-looking hotels and been turned away for lack of rooms. I began to wonder if I could sleep in my car tonight - it was clean and comfy enough.

"If you want me to," Arief grinned.

"I don't."

"Why not?"

"My relatives will think you leaving is a conspiracy I've engineered and... Nidhi will feel lonesome," I said sarcastically.

"Okay." 

"Since Eva and Ashok will share a room now, yours empties out."

"Yep."

"There's a possibility that we may have to return... if we don't get hotel accommodation." I'd have to return with my fat, belligerent tail firmly between my legs.

"Yes," Arief smirked. 

"You're enjoying all this, aren't you?"

"Yes, I am. Couldn't you have done the hotel recce first and then made the grand exit from the hotel?"

"I wasn't thinking."

"Clearly!"

"You don't understand! Someone kicked around my clothes and stomped them. They were neatly folded on my bed when I left the room for breakfast. There wasn't a clear enough footprint to make out the culprit."

"Couldn't you have just confronted the person you suspected?"

"Haven't you got enough of a taste of my crazy relatives - ours and Georgy's?! Do you think you'd want to tick off any one of them?"

"I can stand up to them."

I laughed. The goat. Stand up to them indeed! He hadn't a clue what he was talking about. And he was the lone cream puff outsider in a crowd of unreasonable, rigid Suriani Christians. 

He walked off to talk to Roma. 

"Psst! What's going on between you two?" Penaaz was at the top of the fish tank, glaring at me.

"What do you mean?" 

"We mean the kiss with Arief!" Pervez shot up through the water. "First you couldn't cross swords enough with him - swinging TT balls at his Adam's apple - and then waging a war of words."

"The next thing we know, your lips, tongues and arms are entwined," Portas said indignantly.

"Chee, chee, chee! That's a lot of nonsense masala even by your standards! He caught me by surprise - the kiss - and had my arm in a stranglehold! I don't know why he insisted on hanging on to it." Genie had looked at us once and hadn't turned around again. I felt guilty and chuffed in turns. Though I couldn't make out what was going through Arief's head. Was he punishing me for my previous antics - for causing his chin and Adam's apple pain? His TT ball to my collarbone had hurt like hell - he was capable of venom!

I felt water hit my earlobe. "Silly girl. He's fooling around with you!" Penaaz said.

"You know, Penaaz, I have to agree with you. I think he's having fun."

"Don't give in, Darling," Dimitri said. "Could be a holiday fling."

"Think about Genie's feelings!" Portas gnashed his tiny teeth.

I laughed. "What's it got to do with Genie's feelings?"

"He's in charge of you!" Pervez said.

"No, he's not!" I felt annoyed. I was a grown woman. I could have a fling if I wanted to.

"You know what's going to happen, don't you?" Penaaz said, she and Pervez treading water and their fins crossed over their chests - a stance my mother adopted with me often when she was irritated. 

"What?" I asked.

"He's going to ask too many questions. Spy on us when we speak. We won't ever have a private moment," Penaaz said.

"And then he's going to whisper sweet nothings to you," Pervez said.

"And then you'll tell him we speak to you," Portas said.

"And you to us" Gregory said, tweaking his bow tie nervously and glaring at me.

I looked at Dimitri, waiting for him to pile on the shit. But he stayed quiet, his eyes large. 

"So what if Arief knows?" I said.

"We'll be in danger, you silly girl!" Gregory cried.

"He'll make us a jingle in an ad," Portas shouted.

"We'll be, all at once, silly and notorious!" Pervez said, upset.

"Guys, you're being melodramatic!" I laughed.

There was sudden silence. Oops. I had insulted Fish. They slipped deep into the tank - out of my reach - and I could see furious bubbles pepper the top of the water. Some were swear words, raspberries and more.

I contemplated the man. Arief seemed chill. Right now he was talking to Genie, and joking about something. I dearly hoped he wasn't yanking my chain. I was unnerved by the kiss he had planted on me earlier in the day. I was no match for this sophisticate who could, sadly, beat me at my own complicated games. But why were Fish so upset? 

Penaaz shot up. "Have you considered what might happen if we have to go back to the hotel?"

"Er, technically, you and Genie are out for a stroll. If we can't find another hotel, you can go back and share Genie and Arief's room."

"And you?" Dimitri asked.

I planned to sneak into Pretty Villa Hotel in the middle of the night and smother Nidhi in her sleep and disappear. But, there was a snag. I couldn't leave Fish and Genie behind. 

"You are forbidden from sleeping in the car or smoking in it!" Gregory said. "It's awful when the stink gets into the seats! Where did you pick up such a filthy habit!"

"The car is an excellent idea." 

There was a fresh round of angry protests. If I returned, for sure I'd be at the receiving end of Uncle's substantial reserves of contempt. 

A shadow blocked the sunshine. "No luck with the rooms," Genie said. "How about we go back?"

I looked at Nobby sitting on Genie's ear. My mosquito friend was cross-legged and meditating, Buddha-like. He was the only creature in this tableau unaffected by anyone. My life felt like shit. Then I caught sight of Arief leaning over Roma and laughing with her. Yep, life was definitely shit. And dinner tonight was going to be even shittier. 

                                        ******

This is a fictional series about the narrator, her former manservant and now good friend Genie, and her former pet fish. 

The narrator, on a holiday, fights with her relatives and leaves the hotel in a huff. Only there are no other hotel rooms available in Lonavala. She's in a quandary. And life has just become more complicated.

                                      ******

As Genie advised me, sometime during our walk around Lonavala's market, I chinned up and made peace with the fact that I'd spend the better part of the evening and night with the family. 

So we ate a sumptuous seafood lunch. Fish stared at us aghast as we ate prawns masala, fried pomfrets, dal tadka and vade. While biting into the pomfret's hollow head, I asked Fish if I was eating someone they knew. They turned around and blocked me out. 

"Was that necessary?" Genie nudged me. Arief was sitting next to Roma and talking non-stop while she fed her younger son bits of fish.  

"Oh. Just putting things in perspective," I chuckled. But I soon felt bad and poked about the tank, murmuring and chasing Fish about with a spoon. I finally fed them salted caramel popcorn, one of their favourite eats, even though I didn't think it was healthy for them. When I turned to sit, I could see Arief staring at me, bewildered. The look changed and he gave me a smile. He was right, I was the kook the guys at Wimbledon would never let in - even if they had spent the day drinking scotch.

In the evening, after I'd stretched my second cutting chai and after Aditya, Roma's younger son, threw his brother's ball at me, Arief pulled me off the small wall I was sitting on and I followed them reluctantly to the hotel. I didn't feel very bad, even though I knew I was going to meet a bayonet head on. Genie had bought us Kolhapuri chappals and lots of chikkis and fudge - all Lonavala specials.

"Nervous... about going back?" Arief grinned.

"Are you?" I asked.

"No. Why should I be?"

"I don't know."

"So why did you ask?"

"Oh, simbly. Just didn't want to answer a question I didn't want to answer."

Arief took a deep breath and pursed his lips. Definitely a cream puff. If he felt twisted with me, he had had a miraculous escape from Eva. I came to a stop in front of Pretty Villa's glass doors. From here I could see Uncle, in the wooden armchair, reading a newspaper. It was like he hadn't budged from when I left him. The Kurians, Roma's in laws, were spread around him, talking. No one cared to do anything else.

He looked up and I waved nervously. He fluffed out his newspaper and looked down again. I felt the air squeal out of my balloon.

"Chin up! Remember what I told you. Care a fuck. Come on," Genie grabbed my arm and pulled me into the lobby of Pretty Villa. He manoeuvred me to a table tennis table and we started playing - a proper game this time.

It loosened me up and made me feel better. Several minutes later Roma and Ashok were at the table. Ashok hugged me and kissed my cheek. "Friends, I hope." I nodded, feeling overwhelmed. I looked at Eva from the corner of my eyes. She was happy, her skin a tinge of pink and her gaze wholly on her husband - things were back on track. Another look at the elders behind me confirmed all of them were taking credit for the Ashok-Eva reconciliation and trying hard to reach behind themselves and pat their backs.

There was sudden quiet around the table. I felt someone talking to the top of my head. I looked up and froze. Uncle! "Why are you here?" he asked me, a frown on his face.

"No rooms available." I was too nervous to lie or to keep looking him in the eye, but in a few moments his mouth turned crooked and he chuckled.

"I'm surprised you didn't go home," he said.

"I'm surprised too. But I thought I'd sleep in the car."

"Not a good idea. How much is your cut? I've forgotten."

"How much what?"

"You said to place a bet on whether you'd return. I did bet, with Kurian," Uncle gestured vaguely at Kurian Thomas - Georgy's dad. 

My mouth turned down. Care a fuck. Care a fuck. Care a fuck. Care a fuck. Fish had made me repeat it over and over. I opened my mouth to say something defensive, but, at this moment, Nobby, sitting cross-legged on a nearby potted plant chanted 'Om', opened one eye, shook his head, closed the eye and chanted 'Om' again.

"Er, who won?" I asked, finally.

"You really mean how much did I win."

I drew a deep breath. A quick look at Arief.... and Genie, they were watching poker faced. Papa hadn't been as irritating or pigheaded as Uncle. Still, there was a way to counter this.

"Uncle, who bet what, how much and who won?"

"How long have I known you, my dear?"

"Let's see, with no breaks in our relationship," even if I had wanted one, "forever."

"Right. How often have we bet?"

On every damn thing. That had been our thing! I swallowed. "Always. What did you bet, Uncle?"

"I bet you'd return to dinner. Just to spite me, you know. After all, you are the flesh of my flesh."

I cleared my throat. I'd been thinking of a free dinner, but I hadn't wanted to back down either. "And what did Kurian Uncle bet?"

"That you wouldn't return, and neither would Genie with your fish."

We stared at each other for an eternity. I took slow breaths. There's a reason why in laws stay in laws. They never seem to want to soak you into themselves. They're happy imagining what they decide is convenient. 

I finally smiled at Uncle and we hugged. "I hope you looted him," I whispered in his ear.

"I could make him bet only two thousand rupees. He was most upset when you returned. The problem now is how do I get that money from him!" Uncle whispered back.

I stepped away from him. He took my arm and tucked it into his and pulled me toward the garden. "They make good pakodas here. What kept you! We're all starving. Somebody order pakodas and chai!"

Fishy Chronicles 6: Genie Has A Past

So the goings on at the CBI have the Fish aflutter.
They called me to discuss my clichés.

“You’ve got to give them up,” Gregory said. He was the poshest fish in my erstwhile tank. He slept in a bowtie and read books for fun.

“I don't care if people think I’m clichéed.”

“Tut, tut. So pigheaded. But you need to consider your future seriously?”

“What future and why?” that was the motto of my journo self. Pack in the questions.

“Because if the top guy at a premier investigative institution is in such deep shit, sooner or later you’ll be next.” Fish were talking about the flutter going on in the CBI (Central Bureau of Investigation) at the moment. Some of the top guys were being investigated amid charges of irregularities.

I laughed for several minutes. It was the most I'd laughed in a long time.

“It's not funny!” Dimitri said, upset. He had been, was still, my favourite – sweet, gentle, caring. None of the sarcasm the other Fish heaped on me.

“What’s wrong, Dimitri?”

“You know how they’ve been trailing him and following him about and all the cases and cooked-up stuff.”

“There’s tonnes of debate on it.”

“Yes, well, you could get into trouble.”

I stifled another laugh. I was a nothing and a no one and it was rare for me to think one of the Fish was dim. There had to be something bothering them. Troubling Dimitri especially.

“The thing is, my dear,” Gregory grabbed the phone from Dimitri, “it has everything to do with Genie.”

“Genie?” He had invited himself into my tiny home one rainy day. Had dried himself and proceeded to make my parents, Fish and I fantastic tea and pakoras. He had won us over and ended up not leaving. Years later he had disappeared. Later I received a postcard from a remote town in Norway – he had wanted some excitement and had decided to leave.

This is a fictional series of Fish that lived with the narrator for years and finally decided to spread their fins. Genie is the narrator's former manservant and now world traveller. 

I thought of broad-shouldered handsome Genie. I knew he had had a chequered past but after a while I had let him be. He had a handlebar moustache that he tended carefully and dark smouldering eyes. He was hot... and living in my home. For the strangest reason, no one in the building ever asked us about him. Fish said he only went out in the evenings because he hated people so much.

I brought myself back to Genie and the CBI. “It's not making sense, Greg.”

“Gregory. Do you remember us telling you that he worked for Mogi Singh?”

“Er, yes.” Mogi Singh was a well know gangster. He’d gone to South India looking for work and become bad, rich and a menace. I knew about him – about the terror he wreaked in the South. He was rarely out of the news. Only later did I realise that Genie hadn’t been Mogi's butler, as he had led me to believe and I had naively assumed, but one of his trusted henchman. A henchman who finally broke free. Unheard of.

My thoughts returned to the Fish. “So?”

“So,” Gregory sounded frustrated, “so, Genie made all this cash and just turned smart. He's got his finger in every pie possible!”

I laughed. “What? He worked as my maid! Or Man Friday. Or whatever!”

“That was a front!”

“For what?”

“To lie low. No one leaves Mogi Singh and lives to see the next day.”

“Rubbish. Genie's not bad...” I had had doubts. He’d always treated me well, but he was unreadable, inscrutable. He was an unknown, frightening quantity. There was anger and sarcasm bottled in. In the years he had lived with us he had been polite and cool to me. I had tried to joke with him but later let him be.

Fish latched on to my silence. “See, you know it too. You’ve always known!”

I drew a breath. “Okay. But now he’s no longer living here.”

There was a collective slapping sound. I could hear the water slop out of the tank at the other end of the line. It sounded like Fish were slapping their foreheads and some of them were throwing themselves against the tank's walls.

“Stop that, you guys!” That habit of theirs still bothered me. I worried they’d get hurt.

Dimitri said, “Listen! You were a front for Mogi. When you were at work we’d hear the calls. And all the do-it-yourself repair work that Genie did, he was storing stuff for Mogi. Who would come and look for Mogi's stuff in your home?!”

“Whatttt... stuff?”

“Diamonds. Cash and gold are lumpy and too obvious. Those papers Genie made you sign as a guarantor? It was for a warehouse. He’s bought land and some derelict buildings outside Mumbai and is storing stuff there. Didn’t you think his absences were strange?”

“Yes. But he brooded so much... I thought he was pining for someone.”

I could hear the Fish tsk-tsking. Not for the first time did I think I was of inferior intellect. And worse, inferior to Genie. All this time I'd thought he was just easy-on-the-eye brawn.

“It's a royal cock-and-bull story!” I shouted.

“What will it take for you to believe us?”

I thought wildly. What indeed. I looked up and saw the POP work Genie had insisted on doing. I hadn’t complained because all the work he’d done looked good and had cost me only the price of the materials.

“Some proof. You say he’s stashed stuff here.”

“Er. Yes.”

“Where is it?”

I sensed their reluctance. “I don’t get it. You called me and made a hoo-haa about it and now you don’t want me to confirm the fact or root out his stash?”

“You may get into trouble.”

“You said it was only a matter of time.”

“You're putting words in our mouths!”

“Bye, bye!”

                                     ******

I looked all over the house.

I opened cupboards I’d opened only a couple of times in all the years I lived in my tiny flat. I looked in old boxes, in the storage space in the bed, the old stainless steel dabbas in the kitchen and finally even in the toilet's flush tank – like you see in the movies. Nada.

I desperately wanted to call Fish and rant. But I spent days and weeks looking over and over through the same things. Short of breaking the walls and plaster and feeling a tremendous fool for searching for someone else's treasure, I finally gave up.

I toyed with the idea of calling Genie and, after several weeks, did.

“Genie,” he had never offered a proper first name – I could never hear it, “er, did you leave any stuff behind?”

“Stuff?”

“Yes. Fish are worried your stash might get me into trouble with the authorities.”

There was silence and then a very slow, “Stash?”

“Diamonds.”

I heard a snort and a chuckle. And then a howl of laughter. I listened to it for an eternity. It may have been seconds or as much as a minute. Had the Fish fingered me?

“Yes. All safely in the walls. Do you have the money to fix your walls, pipes and tiles after you take them apart?”

“What?”

“I took it all with me.”

“Really?” I felt disappointment. I had visions of standing in a bucket full of diamonds in my bathroom – wallowing in whatever it might feel like.

Genie continued, “No, of course not! When are you going to figure out Fish are fooling around with you. When will you stop being so naive!” He stopped talking and ended the call.

I stared at the phone. My heart and feelings pooling at my feet. I seemed to have burned my bridges with Fish and, now, Genie.

Worse, I was still confused – because I had believed Fish, but not Genie.
 

                                      ******

Photo Credit: A. Peter