Showing posts with label Norbert. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Norbert. Show all posts

Friday, 5 June 2020

Fishy Chronicles 66: Lockdown Diaries: Of Just Desserts


The Covid-19 lockdown stretched our days and one day melded into the other, much like waves in the sea. There was no start and no end – just an indeterminate expanse.

Enforced confinement is an unusual state for all three of us. Anjali and I bickered often. Sometimes Genie would be irritated and disappear for long periods, which was a dampener.

A normal day involved housework, cooking, eating, some shouting, on a lucky day some swearing, on a good day lots of jokes and then the TV would come alive to drown out the noise. Most days it started with the news and then veered to the Fox Life channel and then we'd subside into our secret food hell. Genie and Anjali would often turn to me and say, "You've  got to cook that." 

Anjali had taken to joining me at the Gonsalves home, then we’d walk around our housing complex several times until Mr Duggal, the secretary of our housing society, alerted by the annoyed security guards, would ask us to get off the grounds and go home. As soon as we heard the loudspeaker being switched on and Mr Duggal clearing his throat for his big announcement cum name-shame business, we disappeared. So when he did make his announcement, we were looking out of our sitting room window. Neighbours would come to their windows and see other walkers on the ground and, I assumed, wonder why Mr Duggal was making it personal by naming just us.

As in most apathetic Mumbai societies, no one stood up for us. But after the fourth time, Anjali suggested we write a formal letter of complaint to Peaceful Society committee, alleging harassment.

“What do you say, Genie?”

“Hmm.”

“Why is he targetting us when the garden is littered with walkers!” Anjali had a way with words. Littered was apt. Even if lockdown was in place, it meant nothing to Mumbaikars – especially in Peaceful Society. Apparently social distancing was for other people. When neighbours stopped to talk, they invaded our private space and, all too often, we found ourselves stepping back. Surely the deadly virus would overpower a weak mask and conquer all within droplet-catching distance.

Everything was due to the lockdown. We nagged Genie and our every waking moment was devoted to annoying him. He was our mouse and we were two cats arranged on either side of him. Genie ignored us totally, but still made us tea in the mornings and evenings and snacks.

“Do you have to let that awful thing drink out of your cup every day?” Anjali spluttered one morning when she saw my darling mosquito friend Norbert take the first sip of my morning tea, flavoured with lemon grass. I heard Nobby’s satisfied sigh. Yes, I nodded.

“Tell her the universe will not spin if I don’t,” Norbert said.

“The universe will not spin if he doesn’t drink from my cup,” I told Anjali absently, watching my friend fly off and sit on the fish tank.

“Bullshit. Plus, imagine all the disease in his proboscis.”

I imagined it. And let it go. Life was too short. It hadn’t killed me so far. Though I did not know what disease, if any, lurked in me. Norbert buzzed around me and settled on my ear. I shivered from the tickle. “Don’t listen to that silly girl.”

“Norbert is welcome to drink from my cup any time,” Genie gave us a killer grin. And suddenly Norbert was off and flying towards Genie. I saw him sit on Genie’s ear, whispering animatedly.

“Same thing. Disease,” Anjali grumbled. “Where is your electric fly swatter?”

Norbert jumped off and flew towards Anjali. “Nobby, no!” I shouted. He held still in midair and then flew back to Genie and hid in his hair.

“Tell your friend that was a close shave,” Nobby said. How easy it was to rile yoga-loving Nobby – wasn’t meditation supposed to calm the soul?

“Er, we don’t have a fly swatter,” I told Anjali.

                                                      **

This is a fictional series about the 30-something narrator, based in Mumbai. Her former pet fish and parents’ former man Friday have returned to stay indefinitely.

Lockdown Dairies revolve around the Covid-19 confinement. Time hangs heavy for the narrator... with many irritations.  

                                                     **                                                                             

"Why not?"

“We don’t have a mosquito problem,” I said waving my hands at the room. We had never had one after my acquaintance with Nobby and we were off limits to his friends.

“Bullshit.”

“Have you been bitten while you’ve been here? Ever?”

“Er, not that I can think of. But I’ve seen swarms of mosquitos outside. It won’t hurt to keep an electric bat handy. What if those guys get in?”

“They won’t.”

“How can you be sure.”

“Have they bitten you while we’ve walked about… even at night?” Anjali was silent. “That’s Nobby’s doing.”

“Bullshit. I wear Odomos.”

“I don’t and I’ve never been bitten… at least in this society.”

“Sorry, my darling, I can only manage the guys in my territory. Can’t do a thing when you go outside Peaceful Society, you know that,” Nobby said, sounding upset.

“Of course I know that, my sweet yoga-boy,” I said to Genie’s ear. I suddenly knew what I was going to cook for breakfast. I looked at Genie. He had had a bath, and his hair was wet. He still wouldn’t say where he went every morning. I looked out of the window and took a deep breath to quell my irritation. Some ladies in the building opposite ours were watching. I went to the window and closed the thin curtains.

“You're shutting out the light. Leave the curtains alone,” Genie ordered.  

“Er, there are some girls in Wing E watching us.”

“Some guys too. Open the curtains.”

I pushed the curtains apart slowly, looking out curiously. One topless married guy looked away. But Mrs Bakshi and her daughter from the eighth floor and the paying guest girls on the sixth looked on unabashedly.

“Some would say it is tit-for-tat,” Genie said coming up behind me, amusement in his voice and nodding vigourously at the overjoyed women.

“Why tit-for-tat?”

“Ask your binoculars.”

I felt chastened. Embarrassed by my activities of the past few weeks. “Karma is probably the word to use,” I mumbled.

“Just desserts. Tit-for-tat. Karma. Same thing.”

                                                          **

Wednesday, 5 December 2018

Fishy Chronicles 7: Nobby Helps Make Sense

As much as I tried, I couldn’t get past that heavy feeling in my gut.

I had made a mess of things.

Even if I had shared a noncommittal relationship with Genie, it was still a relationship. Though I wondered why he did, I felt warmed each time he called or sent a postcard, always with pretty stamps. When I ventured to thank him for them, he said gruffly, “You need your loves and your hobbies. And I was passing by a post office.”

I heard a buzzing sound. I had waited weeks for Norbert – I needed his advice.

This is a fictional series surrounding Fish, who previously lived with the narrator, Genie, her erstwhile thug turned manservant and now free soul and world traveller and Nobby, the rum cake-loving mosquito. The narrator is a single woman living in the distant suburbs of Mumbai. 
She feels she has burnt her bridges with Genie and is despondent. Nobby turns up to have a chat. 

I raised myself from the cold, flat, black slab that masqueraded for a window seat and opened the netted window. I lay back down, feeling tired but still sad. I felt embarrassed at what I might have to reveal to Norbert.

Norbert found a spot on the window above me and made himself comfortable.

“Do you know how hard it is for me to stop myself from killing mosquitoes, Nobby?”

“Considering the numerous attempts on my life everyday, I can hazard a guess.”

I sighed and continued to dream. This Christmas I hoped Santa would drop a nice man into my lap, naked and hiding his modesty with a bottle of eggnog. He needed to be kind and love me.

“Those kinds of things are hard to rustle up.”

“What kinds of things, Nobby?”

“A nice, warm, male body with a big heart.”

I sat up straight. I hoped I wasn’t an open book and that Nobby wasn’t turning into Fish.

“Is all well, my dear?” Norbert asked.

“No. I fought with Genie... and Fish.”

“Are you sure?”

“What do you mean? I haven’t got a call from either since...”

“Since your last calls to them. Couldn’t you have called them back?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t try. For sure, Genie won’t want to.”

“Well, I sent word with friends that I wanted him here for Christmas.”

“And?”

“He’s not got back yet. But Fish gave me a earful and told me that it doesn’t matter what’s hidden in your walls.”

“OK.” I tried to damp the irritation I felt at Fish.

“They are going to come here on Christmas week. They have a list. They'll let you know in a few days.”

I sighed, beginning to feel stressed.

The several Christmases they had spent with me – we had been in shambles by New Year's Eve. Their lists had grown wilder each year. And now with their five-star lifestyle, I wondered if I could afford their expensive habits.

One year we had drunk bhang or cannabis for days and things are still a haze.

Another year it was a hookah craze and we had to stop because our chests and coughs wouldn’t clear.

Then they asked me to take them on a cruise. We didn’t go because I was deep in debt. The thought that my poorness had made them leave home has never left me. The sense of rejection is still intense.

“Stop worrying!” Norbert interrupted my thoughts.

“Yeah.”

“Stop it. You are the only one who can stand up to them. Word for word. Scales for skin.”

I shrugged. I couldn’t imagine anyone controlling Fish.

Norbert was still speaking, “Genie told me once that the only reason he stayed for so long is that you hadn’t wanted anything from him – ever. And watching you verbally duel with the Fish cheered him enormously. You never asked him to make you tea – even though he worked for you.”

That was true. I had felt embarrassed I couldn’t pay Genie much and I had never felt comfortable ordering him about. Despite that, he had bought groceries, cooked and calmed my disturbed soul.

Norbert sat on my knee. “How about we have a drink, for old times sakes. For now, you, I and Fish are on for Christmas. We can put together your dining table, wash your good chikankari table cloth and look up cake recipes tonight. Okay?”

“Sure, Nobby. Sounds good. I’ll get the wine.”

A calming drink with Nobby.
(Picture Credit: A. Peter)

Wednesday, 28 November 2018

Fishy Chronicles 5: Meeting Norbert

Had a strange caller yesterday.

He threw himself at my window and afterwards screamed and howled until I opened it.

I had to. The watchmen looked up to see who I was torturing. Had to wave and smile and act normal.

Poor Norbert. My mosquito friend seemed bent out of shape – literally.

If you recall, years ago he ate some of my rum cake and passed out on the top of the fish tank. Fish had to revive him and they became best buds. And he visited for all the years Fish lived with me.

This is a fictional series of Fish that lived with the narrator for years and finally decided to spread their fins. Here their good friend Norbert, the mosquito, visits. Fish saved him from drowning when he had too much of the narrator's rum cake and fell into the fish tank. He now counts them among his best friends and is an ardent lover of the narrator's cakes.

“What was so important you needed to try and kill yourself, Nobby?”

He raised himself to his full tiny height. His back stiff.  “Norbert! I was not trying to kill myself! You wouldn’t open the window. So slow. So prone to drama.” He sounded like Fish... right down to the sanctimonious tone.

“My problem now, is it?” I should have squished him, instead I bent down to hear him better.

“Er, making any cake this year?”

“Aha!”

“Will you have a Christmas party?”

“Got guests. Not sure I’ll party.”

“Any cake or rum?”

“You want to come over?”

“Will Genie be there?”

“Not sure. He's travelling. May send me his love via postcard or call. What’s the matter, Norbert?”

He settled on my knee, looked up at me sadly and said, “I don't want to be alone this Christmas.”

My heart melted. My tough lil Norbert. “Oh, my darling! Let's not celebrate it alone. You and I and Rum and Rum-drunk cake. And if we're lucky, with Fish and Genie too!”

I heard the softest sigh.

“Okay. Now open the window. Got to go and spread some disease.”

Tuesday, 23 October 2018

Fishy Chronicles 1: Fish Call


So Fish and I missed each other by a set of fins in blue, blue freaky San Francisco.

I shacked up with an ancient boyfriend, because I didn't want to run through all my travel money at once. Fish messaged me pictures of their dinner. I stared sadly at my cold Mac burger.

Fish said they had a great view of the sea from their five-star hotel. They had followed their expat buddy from Colaba to SF. For those who don't know, Colaba is the Manhattan of Mumbai. More charming, I'd say.


This is a fictional series of Fish that lived with the narrator for years and finally decided to spread their wings... elsewhere. They are astute, intelligent, fun loving, adventurous and extremely loyal to their friends.  
Fish miss the narrator in San Francisco. They call her to gloat about their travels and they have words with the narrator. But all ends well.

I think they wanted to rub salt in my wound. Hence the call. It was hard to hear them all speaking at once. I wondered how Garl understood them. It was the strangest name I ever heard. Was it Carl and I had heard it wrong through the bubbles? Surely Garl was rich enough to afford the Fish a better phone line to speak on. After all, Garl, from Britisthan, had a seafacing suite at the Taj Colaba and apparently lacked for nothing. And it looked like my ex-posse of scales and fins didn't either.

"Why did you leave me?" was my first question when they paused for breath. I hadn't got over them leaving me.

They had threatened to leave many, many, many times, but I had thought they were being their fishy selves. But when they disappeared, leaving all their old clothes and my trappings behind, I knew they wouldn't return.

After a long silence, I heard a murmur. "Wanted to spread our fins. Time was passing us by."

Who had said it? It sounded ungrateful too. I had given them the best corner of my home. Got them the best airsuits money could buy, took them on my travels and even custom-built a mobile fish tank so that we could navigate Mumbai traffic. I had had to build it with a nephew, who howled with laughter when he heard Fish had left. It had made me feel worse.

I held on to my temper. I still wanted to hear them and keep the contact. "You didn't even leave a note!"

"Yeah. Norbert..."

"Norbert, the drunken mosquito?"

"He hasn't touched liquor since your rum cake. It gave him a headache of epic proportions."

"Have you been reading books? Your vocabulary seems to have improved," I said grumpily. They seemed to be on a roll. I thought they had had the time of their lives with me. Apparently not. "What about Norbert?"

"He said to make a clean break," Dimitri said softly. He had been my favourite of the fish. "It would let you heal... eventually."

I hopped with rage. Silently. I kicked over a chair and tried my luck with the sofa. OUUUCCCHHH!

It had been what Genie, my erstwhile househelp, had said. That it had been the best way for them to go. I had become too clingy.

"So!" I said tearfully. "So why are you calling me now? To rub Garl in my face? To show off?!"

There was silence and I cut the call.

After I had had a stiff walk around Jay's creepy neighbourhood, I had to run the last 20 minutes to his flat at breakneck speed because I thought I was being chased by a pervert. I cursed myself even more for leaving home without my phone. I had hurled it into a corner after the call. I couldn't afford a new phone in expensive America. I had to find that dabba phone and give it mouth to mouth.

I did find it. Under the fridge. With Jay's help I got the phone out and he put it together.

I stared at the screen, trying to figure out what to make of it.

In the few hours I'd been away, Fish had called 53 times and sent me several messages. I dreaded reading them.

I needn't have.

There were 30 messages, all the same. "We missed you. You were our Sun, sea, surf and ocean. Home and heart was with you."

-- AP

23.10.18

******
Golden Gate Bridge in the distance.
(Picture: A. Peter)
Fish suggested visiting the Japanese Tea Garden. It proved soothing. And I met more fish. Beautiful, charming, peaceful Koi. (Picture: A. Peter)
A Pagoda/temple at the Japanese Tea Garden
(Picture: A. Peter)
 The JTG
(Picture: A. Peter)
 Japanese Tea Garden. Beautiful place to walk about. Bought tea and small bits of crockery as souvenirs
(Picture: A. Peter)
Lord Buddha in a serene pose at the Japanese Tea Garden in San Francisco, California
(Picture: A. Peter)